Lost Heaven, Part Two: Understanding
by Kolie
Summary: Wandering alone and scarred by betrayal in my attempt to run, I discover the true meaning of darkness for the first time. Why is it that the road to understanding is always the most difficult one to travel? RikuxSora, AxelxRoxas, LeonxCloud
1. Prologue: To Whom It May Concern

Oookay…let's try this one more time, huh? _::sighs::_ I'll just say that I am MUCH happier with this "To Whom It May Concern" prologue than I was with the other one (which isn't very surprising). Even though more of you liked the other prologue I decided to keep two of your reviews at heart and keep with this format because it flowed better and made it more like Sora was actually writing it instead of some whacked-out dictionary reader…

Anyway…I want to thank everyone for your feedback and being patient with me. It really, really, _really_ means a lot to me to have gotten so many different comments on what you liked and what you didn't like and all that jazz… I love you guys!!…

WARNINGS: none, unless you're afraid of Sora's random thoughts…

**Disclaimer: **the characters and worlds of _Kingdom Hearts_ belong to Square Enix and Disney…

_To Whom It May Concern:_

_There isn't much that can be said about the first part of my story other than it was just the beginning of something much more meaningful. It had its ups and it most certainly had its downs, but it was just what the title suggested. It was an awakening…_my_ awakening. And, as the dictionary suggests in one of its many different definitions, to be awakened is just the beginning of some other kind of feeling or emotion._

_But what comes after the awakening? Is there a wholesome feeling of relief that everything is going to be okay? A feeling that now that you know what to expect your life will make sense?_

_For some people, maybe. But for me it wasn't anything like that. Of course I had an overwhelming feeling of relief now that I was able to remember a past that seemed impossible, but that was it. There was no sense of closure, no feeling that my life was now going to be perfect and make sense. No, I didn't get the joys of feeling anything like that. All I was left with were the sometimes confusing memories and a very heavy heart._

_Everyday was a struggle. I missed Riku more than anything in the world. Everyday I couldn't touch him, hear his voice or see his face was Hell. And it had only been a week. I called out to him through our mental link, but I never got an answer. Pretty soon, I started to never expect an answer from him and just held one-way conversations with myself in the hopes that hearing my voice eased Riku's pain in some way._

_Sometimes it was so difficult that I wished that Riku, Roxas and, Axel had never found me on that fateful October night, that I_ had _died instead of having been forced to live such a painful existence. But then a little thing would make up for it and I would realize how stupid I was to think such a thing. If I hadn't have made it through the awakening, I would have never been given the chance to tell Riku that I loved him. I would have never been given the chance to get just a little bit closer to my brother. I would have never been given the chance to be myself._

_And then came the stress from me and Roxas' decision to run. It wouldn't have been such a difficult task if we had been able to set an exact date for when we were going to do it, but that was impossible. We had to have the letter requesting our return from Ansem so we could go. Roxas figured that there would be a specific date for when Ansem wanted us back in the letter so that would give us a little big of a head start before anyone caught onto what really happened._

_With everyone gone—Riku and Axel, Kairi and Naminé, Leon and Cloud—there was no one left to turn to and no where left to hide from the reality of the entire situation. Roxas and I were alone and that was painfully clear every morning when we woke up. But, like the good little sons we struggled to be, we tried out hardest to keep our heads held high and smiles on our faces whenever we were around Maho. She already had enough stress on her shoulders and didn't need to be worrying about our well-being._

_And so, with that said, I'm willing to share the next part of my tale with whoever receives this letter and wishes to listen. Like the first, it's not an extremely happy tale, but it's one that needs to be shared; a story full of hurt, betrayal, and among many other things, understanding…_

_My greatest regards,  
__**Sora Leonheart  
**__Angelic Prince of Akari, Angelic Seraph, and above all else, Human_

**------------------------------------------------------------  
**A/N: Voila…and there we have it. Better, yes? I hope you all agree 'cause I think I'll go crazy if you don't. LoL. But I really am happy with the way this turned out. It definitely sounds more like Sora wrote the letter and it goes along with the beginning of the first part and kinda keeps it all tied together, so I hope that you all enjoyed it…

Anyway…once again, thank you to everyone who reviewed both of the other prologues and gave me your feedback, especially those of you who were honest, but not brutally so. It really meant a lot to me. And I hope to hear your thoughts on this as well…_::hugs to everyone::_…

Sooooo…until my next update (which WILL be the first chapter, I promise), adieu…


	2. Chapter One: Getting By

I'm sorry for the wait, guys!! _::sighs::_ For some reason, this part of the story just doesn't want to cooperate with me. Bleh... I think I know why, though. It's because I'm getting used to writing something that isn't so centered around self-injury. It's new, but I want to get away from writing SI so much... Hopefully I'll be able to get a handle of this new stuff soon...

Anyway…because I know most of you probly don't even read this thing…onto the chapter…

Enjoy!!…

WARNINGS: language…

**Disclaimer:** the characters and worlds of _Kingdom Hearts _belong to Square Enix and Disney…

"…_Now sit there and judge me  
__For the things that I say  
__But you don't understand pain  
__And I pity you anyway  
__But for those of you who hear me  
__We are strong  
__So come and follow me  
__Somewhere else _

_Wasting I can't be found again  
__Wasting I know I'll see you someday  
__Wasting I know be found again  
__Wasting I know…  
__Somewhere else…"_

—"_Getting By" The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus…_

**Chapter One:  
Getting By…**

Within darkness there is always light, or so they say. According to Akarian lore, even the darkest heart holds at least a glimmer of light within it. Akarians…always so damned optimistic about life. If it hadn't been for the corruption Ansem had caused once he had been named as an Elder, the people of Akari would probably still trust anyone they saw. Not that I had ever known a time of such trust. Ansem had long since taken his place in the hierarchy of Akari by the time I had been born.

If only the people had seen through Ansem's kind disguise before he had been able to come into power. If only they had looked into his deep golden eyes—such a foreign eye color to those of Akari—and seen the malice that had resided in their depths. If only they could have realized their gullibility before Ansem had started to feed them lies about Kurai. Before he started to trick them into believing every single word that fell out of his mouth.

Saying these things makes me a hypocrite, I guess. Roxas and I had been Ansem's apprentices of sorts and had spent more time around the eccentric blonde than we had around our own older brother. If anyone, we should have been the ones to see the darkness that lingered within Ansem, the shadow that would one day lay itself over the people of Akari and hold them under its control for thousands of years. Yet, we never had.

It could have been the fact that Ansem blended in with the people of Akari so well that helped them to trust him so much easier than anyone else. Fair hair wasn't an uncommon sight in the kingdom. Blondes and brunettes of many different shades roamed the busy streets, all with stunning sapphire or emerald eyes. One healer in the castle had even been blessed with both eyes colors. Such eyes were seen as a gift from the Source and she was praised as the most skilled healer in the land.

Kurai was the complete opposite of Akari's plain normality. The beings who lived there sported every hair color, from black to white and red to violet. Even eye colors carried the same variety, though it was often eye color that determined the strength of the demon. If a demon had gold eyes, he was instantly given a high rank in the kingdom. Eyes of the palest green were the only competition against gold eyes. Most would think that red would be the eye color to kill the rest of them. Unfortunately, a being born with red eyes was seen as cursed and sent immediately to Kōryōtaru Jimen to rot, along with beings of mixed blood.

Shadow seraphs, or hybrids from both worlds, were more than naught born insane. The child didn't develop in a way that was normal for other children, and when they came into their powers the magick held more control over them than they had over it. Terrified of what the mad child would do, the higher-ups demanded that the children be exiled the moment they came of age.

Some Shadow seraphs, however, managed to hold onto their sanity and gain the ability to control their powers. Cloud Strife would be one such example. Not only was he the product of "cross-breeding," but he was also illegitimate. The Angelic genes in his mother's blood had dominated over the Dark genes in his father's blood and gave him the looks of a normal Akarian boy. The only signs of his father's blood had come later in his life. Cloud had been infatuated with song and dance at a young age, something that was uncommon for one of Akari. Both were almost seen as sins. The songs spoke of a past that never existed and the dances were too racy for the proper people of Akari to partake in. Song and dance in Kurai, however, were revered as highly spiritual practices that brought one closer to the gods and goddesses. Because of the link to Kurai, Cloud's love of song and dance was feared and he was exiled…

But the rest of his story is for another time.

Sometimes it's painful to think of a place I have never seen but in memories, to remember people I have talked to but never heard their voices… Less than a year before, I would have thought myself crazy, but now I only knew that they were only the remnants of my awakening. And I had so much more remembering left to do. I remembered the people, I remembered the places, I remembered the times, I remembered the struggles…but there were so many dark, empty spots in my memories that it hurt. It hurt to try and touch them sometimes, but I knew that I would have to delve into them sooner or later.

Knowing that Roxas was with me was the only thing that managed to keep me sane. Riku and Leon, my other two pillars of support, were gone and all of my weight was resting on Roxas. I hated knowing that most of my burdens were resting on Roxas' shoulders, but it helped knowing that he was there. Just knowing that I had someone there to help me up whenever I fell made all the difference in the world.

**o-o-o-o-o**

Maho pulled to a stop in front of the house with the second to last carload of belongings that we had to move in. She cut the engine and climbed out of the car, Roxas following closely in her wake, but I couldn't bring myself to move. The old off-white house seemed to loom ominously over the car.

A sharp knock made me jump and pulled me violently from my thoughts. I blinked a couple of times to clear my head and noticed that Roxas was standing outside my door with a small frown on his face. I made sure to throw him a good glare as I opened the door and climbed out, ignoring the almost silent grumbles that came from his general direction.

I walked around the car to the trunk and grabbed one of the two boxes that were back there. Still ignoring Roxas, I trudged my way through the slushy snow on the sidewalk and made my way into the house. I kicked my shoes off at the door before I walked up the stairs and down the hallway to what was starting to reflect Roxas' room. It had been a rarely used guest bedroom before, but now that it had all of Roxas' belongings in it, it looked a little more homely.

I sighed heavily and dropped the box I was carrying onto the floor, coughing as the action made a plume of dust explode into the air. A small chuckle behind me brought my attention to the blonde who had just walked into the room, carrying with him the last box from the car. Placing my best scowl on my face, I turned and glared at Roxas with my fists propped on my hips.

Roxas laughed and rolled his eyes, setting his box on top of the table beside the door. "You're such a chick."

I stuck my tongue out at him, and just like that, my annoyance was gone. Smiling, I turned away from him and tore the box open. It was filled with all of his CDs and PlayStation games. I grabbed a CD from the box and searched the room for Roxas' stereo, silently cheering when I found it. I quickly found a socket and plugged the stereo in before I popped in the CD and hit play. Mindless Self-Indulgence blasted from the speakers, and I heaved heavy sigh. Roxas laughed and rolled his eyes, tearing open his own box.

We unpacked together in our companionable silence until Maho burst into the room with her hands pressed to her ears. She was shouting, but we couldn't make out what she was saying. Roxas and I stared at her in amusement for a few seconds before she went to the stereo and turned the volume down to a safer decibel level with a frown on her face.

"People on the other side of town could hear your music!" she huffed. "And what was that crap, anyway? It sounded like a dying squirrel on acid or something."

Roxas laughed loudly and I followed suit. Maho stood by the stereo with a scowl on her face and her arms crossed over her chest while she waited for use to finish our insane giggling. When we were finally able to get control over ourselves, she sighed heavily and shook her head, muttering something that sounded like "boys" while she walked out of the room.

Roxas snorted and shouted, "It's MSI, not a dying squirrel on acid!" as he went to the stereo and changed the CD. When the calmer sounds of Three Days Grace started to play, I quirked an eyebrow but didn't say anything. I heard Roxas sigh but wasn't expecting him to say anything, so I was surprised when he spoke up.

"They were one of Axel's favorite bands," he muttered. "It hurts to listen to them for too long."

I nodded, completely understanding what he was talking about. There hadn't been a time yet that I hadn't changed the radio station or switched to the next song on the CD whenever the opening sounds of "I'll Be" started to play. It was too painful to listen to the song. It called forth too many memories.

Speaking of things that call forth painful memories, I wasn't looking forward to returning to school. Roxas and I had never planned on returning since my release from the hospital, but it seemed that the school had caught onto the fact that I was well enough to return to the government form of Hell and if that was the case then Roxas didn't need to stay home and take care of me anymore, either. They expected us to be back at the beginning of the week, which gave us three days to prepare ourselves. We _really_ didn't want to go back, but seeing that Maho would get into quite a bit of trouble if we didn't, we didn't have any other options. And it wasn't like we couldn't use the distraction. Returning to the hustle and bustle would help to keep our minds out of the depressing corners they tended to wander into whenever we had down time at home.

Sighing quietly, I started to look around the room for something to do. When I found nothing, I settled on going OCD on a lamp. I turned it back and forth repeatedly, sighing when it was perfect. A laugh from Roxas' direction drew my attention to him just as he was pulling yet another poster from the dwindling stack on top of his bed. He pulled off the tape and unrolled it so he could see which one it was. He crinkled his nose slightly at whatever image was on the front and let the ends go so it would roll it self up before grabbing another and repeating the process.

After about half an hour of barely paying attention to Roxas when he asked me if the poster was straight or if he needed to raise or lower a corner, I slipped away to my bedroom and fell onto my bed with a heavy sigh. I lay on my stomach for awhile with my face turned to the side so I could stare out my window before I rolled over and grabbed a worn book from my nightstand.

I stared absentmindedly at the cover of _A Millennium of Pain_, losing myself in the beautiful painting that had been used in the design. It was to be understood that the creatures in the painting were supposed to be semblances of angels and demons, yet they were so beautiful. The only way to tell the difference between the two races was the color of their wings. The angels' were white, and of course, the demons' were black. I couldn't help but wonder if Riku had wings. I knew that Roxas did, but I had never seen Riku's wings in the six months that we had been together. I would have to find out next time we saw each other.

Would there really _be_ a next time? Both Riku and Axel had promised it before leaving, and Roxas promised it everyday, but I couldn't help but think that there wouldn't be a next time. I couldn't help but think that I would never again see Riku's deep, complacent eyes or witness another one of Axel's spastic moments. And was it really irrational to be having the thoughts? The only time lapse I had to judge from was the one between our past and present encounters, and that had been more than a thousand years.

Sighing heavily, I dropped the book back onto my bedside table and rolled back onto my side so I could stare out the window. It was starting to get dark outside, but I could see the dark clouds that were starting to gather on the horizon. Lightning flashed in the clouds and made them look even more threatening than they already did. A distant boom of thunder rumbled in the distance and made the windows rattle in their frames. This wasn't going to be a very pretty storm.

_'You okay, So?'_

I jumped slightly at the sudden sound of Roxas' voice in my head. I blinked away my surprise quickly, though, and answered him with a quiet mental sigh.

_'Yeah, I'm fine. Why?'_

He sighed and I could picture him shrugging. _'You just left without saying anything. I thought you went to the bathroom or something, but you never came back, so yeah…'_

_'Yeah. I just needed some time to think by myself.'_

He gave my mind a small nudge that made me smile. _'Okay. Well, you know where I am whenever you feel like having company again.'_

_'Thanks.'_

He laughed, but it was the only answer I got before he dimmed our connection and left me to my own devices again. Yawning loudly , I snuggled down into my bed and closed my eyes to give into the sudden exhaustion that clouded my mind.

**o-o-o-o-o**

'_It's almost time.'_

**o-o-o-o-o**

I snapped awake and sat up in my bed, letting my eyes gaze around the room wearily. I couldn't see anything, even after I rubbed my eyes and blinked and tried to clear my vision. Everything was black. Almost immediately, I started to panic. I patted the area around me and felt the softness of my blankets and bed, but it didn't help to comfort me. A scream started to bubble up in my throat but I forced myself to swallow it. I didn't know what time it was and I didn't want to wake anyone up if it was late.

'_Breathe,_' I told myself and took a second to calm down and a take a nice deep breath. _'Now count to ten. 1…2…3…4……'_

When I made it all the way to ten, I took another deep breath and rubbed gently at my eyes. Holding my breath, I let my eyes slide open and sighed when I could see. I was in my room. Everything was in order and no one was out to get me. Well, at least not at that precise moment.

I grumbled quietly under my breath, wondering what had woken me so suddenly, and ran a hand back through my hair. I could only sigh when I cast a glance at my alarm clock to check the time. It felt like I had only been asleep for a couple of minutes, but it had really been about three hours. I sighed again and rubbed at my eyes in agitation, finally opening my ears to pay attention to my surroundings.

The storm I had predicted earlier was raging outside. Rain pounded angrily against my window pane as a bright flash of lightning lit up the sky and my room, making it seem strangely eerie. All of a sudden, I wanted to be anywhere but locked up in my room at the moment.

Casting a glance toward my alarm clock to confirm that it was only one-thirty, I grabbed my light brown stuffed dog from my bed and hugged it close to me as I climbed out of bed, sighing fondly. I had been surprised to find Patches lying on my desk chair the day we had started moving into the house. I hadn't seen the silly stuffed dog in years. Actually, I had thought that my mom had thrown it away, and when I saw his little black plastic eyes staring at me from my desk chair, I wanted to scream and cling to him, all whilst crying. Unfortunately, though, Roxas was with me and who knew how he would have reacted to that sight. He probably would have called me a pussy or something and rolled his eyes.

Being lost in my thoughts, I didn't realize that there was a threatening trunk in the way until my foot connected with it and a sharp pain shot up my leg. I hissed quietly and glared at the offending trunk with the best "I freaking hate you" glare I could muster before I stalked past it and pulled my door open.

The hallway seemed infinitely long in the dark and even creepier than it usually did because of the waves of rain that reflected from the windows and danced across the walls and floor. A shiver rippled through my body when I stepped into the hall and I walked down to Roxas' room as quickly as I could, trying not to pay attention to the wind that was beating against the side of the house.

And did I ever mention that I _hate_ thunderstorms? No? Rain was all fine and dandy with me. Hell, I loved the rain. It was fun to play around in and it almost always seemed to match my mood. But thunderstorms… I don't know what it was about them. It had been so long since I had been "aware" during a storm that I couldn't remember why I was so afraid of them in the first place. Two years of living in an apathetic world can do that to a person.

I knocked lightly on Roxas' door when I reached it, pressing my ear to the faux wood surface to listen for a response. When there wasn't one, I knocked again and listened harder, grumbling when there was still no response.

I frowned and pressed my ear further against the door and listened as hard as I could. The barely there sounds of music pouring from headphones along with Roxas' whispered singing drifted across my ears and made me smile fondly. Roxas and his music. They sure were a pair.

Foregoing the knocking this time, I quietly opened the door and tiptoed into the room, closing the door just as quietly behind me. Roxas didn't hear a thing. He was sprawled out on his bed with his eyes closed and his hands behind his head, tapping a foot to the beat of the music that was blaring into his ears. He was as vulnerable as he would ever get.

With a smirk on my face, I dropped Patches onto the floor beside the door and tiptoed to the side of the bed. When Roxas _still_ didn't sense that anything was different in the room, I pounced. A rather loud shout and string of curses ensued and made me erupt into a fit of giggles, even as Roxas punched me hard on the arm.

"Sora, you ass!" he grumbled, ripping the oversized headphones from his ears and pressing the stop button on his MP3 player. "You could have knocked."

I snorted. "I did. Twice. When you didn't answer, I decided I would have a little fun…at your expense, of course."

He glared at me, but I shrugged it off. We were so used to each other's glares and mood swings by now that nothing could get to us anymore. It wasn't often when we were genuinely angry with the other. There wasn't enough time in life to waste it on anger, or so I was starting to believe.

"Sorry," he muttered, "but don't you think the glomping was a little over excessive? A nice poke in the side would have been sufficient, don't you think?"

I shrugged. "Poking causes pregnancy. Didn't want to risk it. I mean, how would we explain that one to Maho?"

He snorted and rolled his eyes, but I couldn't help but grin at the small smile that twitched at the corners of his lips. "You are such a moron," he sighed.

I grinned and nodded happily. "Sure am. Would you love me if I was anything else?"

He rolled his eyes and settled back down onto his bed. He moved his MP3 player and headphones onto his bedside table and patted the open space on the bed beside him. I wasn't going to take the offer, but a bright flash of lightning followed by a loud crash of thunder was the push I needed and I dove into bed with him. Roxas laughed and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me close to him with a quiet sigh.

"I forgot that you hated storms so much," he muttered, rubbing my back softly in what I guessed was an attempt to get me to stop shaking.

I shrugged slightly and hid my head in his chest as another boom of thunder rattled the windows. "I don't even remember why they scare me so much. They just do."

He laughed and hugged me close to him, continuing to rub my back slowly and gently while the storm passed along.

**o-o-o-o-o**

'_Wait for me.'_

**o-o-o-o-o**

I don't remember falling asleep, but I do remember waking up the next morning. It's kind of hard not to remember, seeing that my ass was viciously attacked by a damp bath towel at seven-thirty in the morning. I yelped loudly and shot up in bed, at once realizing that I wasn't in my room and that a half-dressed Roxas was laughing on his knees on the floor.

"Asshole! What was that for?" I hissed, giving him the best death glare I could.

"It's time to get up, So-chan!" he said in a sickeningly sweet voice. He leaned in close as he pushed himself up off the ground. "And payback's a bitch, isn't it?"

I glared at him coldly, then glanced once more at the clock to make sure that it really was seven-thirty like I thought it was. "No way. Uh-uh. Not at this ungodly hour it's not. Try again around nine or ten."

I snuggled back down into the blankets and was only met with yet another strike from the towel.

"Gods dammit, Roxas! I'm trying to sleep!"

He frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. "We gotta help Maho finish moving the rest of the stuff out of the apartment, remember? They're gonna show it tomorrow and don't want any of our stuff to be left there. Kinda shitty if you ask me, but what can we do about it?"

I groaned and peeked up at him from over the top of my blankets. "Go back to bed?" I muttered with mock hope.

Roxas laughed, but one more surprise hit from the towel got me out of bed and chasing him around the room. Only when Maho stuck her arm into the room and clothes-lined Roxas did we stop, and that was only because I had collapsed on the floor from laughing so hard. Roxas gagged and sputtered and glared up at his mother with the fiercest look I had ever seen on his face. Maho just smiled at him sweetly before she turned her attention to me.

"Get off the floor and get dressed, Sora, before I have to do something worse to you."

I jumped up from the floor with a loud gulp and ran out to my own bedroom without needing any more encouragement from Maho. After seeing what she had done to Roxas, I _knew_ that she could beat my ass if she wanted to. She was a strong woman…and scary. Yeah, don't forget about scary. Oh, yes, and spastic.

After grabbing whatever T-shirt and pair of jeans I got my hands onto first, I was ready in the record time of five minutes. I ran downstairs and gulped down a quick glass of orange juice and stood patiently by the door while I waited for Roxas.

I started to get worried when they didn't get downstairs as quickly as I had been expecting, but after a loud snap and a pained shout from Roxas, Maho was downstairs in no time, a pissed off Roxas following closely on her heels.

"It hurts, doesn't it?" I asked with a glare.

Roxas just returned the glare, but the soft rub he gave his backside was the only answer I needed.

Maho slipped into her shoes by the door and grabbed her purse and jacket from the rack beside the door before she turned to us with a big smile on her face. "There's not much left to move so I was thinking that we could go out for brunch or whatever after we get done."

Roxas seemed to perk up at the mention of food and he looked up at his mom with a cold face but soft eyes. "Sounds good. What do you think, So?"

I nodded, excited about eating out, even though we did it almost all the time. Needless to say, Maho wasn't the greatest cook, but she wouldn't let Roxas or me close to the stove unless we were making ourselves ramen for lunch. I don't know what her problem was, seeing that Roxas was a great cook, but I just learned to live with it. And if it made me fat in the process…well, who cares?

The three of us left the house in silence. We would have made it all the way to the apartment in silence as well if Roxas and Maho hadn't have spent a good chunk of the drive arguing over what station they wanted to listen to. Maho wanted 102.3 because they played "whatever from whenever," but Roxas wanted 104.3 because they played all different kinds of rock music. Just in spite of Roxas, I offered that we listen to 96.5, but that offer was shot down quickly. None of us liked rap music and refused to put up with it, even if we were using it to torture someone else.

When they finally settled on 102.3, the car finally calmed and got quiet. I stared absentmindedly out the window, mouthing the words to the Goo Goo Dolls song that was playing, while Roxas was slouched down in the seat in front of me with his eyes closed. I could just barely hear him singing along to the music and it made me smile.

What felt like an eternity later, Maho pulled into the parking garage and the spot for apartment number 127 for what would most likely be the last time. She turned the car off and led the way to the small apartment that looked so much bigger than it really was now that almost all of their belongings had been removed.

We took our time in clearing out the rest of the boxes from the apartment, each of us giving our silent goodbyes. It was sad that we had to leave the place, but it was time for something bigger. There was just one thing that refused to stop nagging at the back of my mind. Sure, it was time for a bigger place because Roxas and I were too big to share a bedroom, but was it really the right thing to do? Roxas and I had no idea how much longer we were even going to be living in the house. Was it really fair to Maho for us to leave her alone in such a large place? The only thing that helped to quell my misgivings about the move was the fact that Maho knew that we didn't know how much longer we were going to be there and she had still agreed to the move.

By the time I was jolted back into reality, Maho was pulling into a parking place in front of a restaurant and the sweet smell of food made my stomach growl in hunger, forcing me to forget about my minor blackout. Maho giggled as we unloaded from the car and headed into the restaurant. It wasn't too busy, seeing that it was already close to noon and the breakfast crowd had long since dispersed, so it didn't take long for us to be seated by a hostess who took the orders for our drinks with a sickeningly sweet smile on her face.

I grabbed my menu from the table and started to look through the different entrees to find something to sate the angry beast that was my stomach. The pancakes looked awfully good in the picture, but the French toast sounded awfully good. Then again, a ham and cheese omelet sounded pretty good too. I sighed. Which was better? Something that _looked _better or something that _sounded_ better? Decisions, decisions.

"You boys know what you're going to order yet?" Maho piped up, tearing me from my deep thoughts.

I looked at her over the top of my menu and wasn't surprised that she had already closed her menu and had her locked hands sitting on top of it. I thought about getting her help with my serious decisions issues, but decided that it was better to leave it alone. She probably would understand my logic behind it anyway.

"No. Everything looks wonderful," I muttered.

She laughed and shook her head. "Sorry, but I don't think I can afford everything, Sora."

"He would eat it if he could," Roxas joked, elbowing me playfully in the side.

"Are you suggesting that I'm fat?" I exclaimed indignantly, crossing my arms over my chest with a pout.

Roxas rolled his eyes. "No. We would never do that, would we, Maho?" He winked at his mom and Maho covered her mouth with her hands to stifle her escalating giggles.

"Tubby McLardPants!" she shouted through her fingers and gave herself over to the giggle fit. Loudly.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and a small blush played over my cheeks when people started to look at us in curiosity. I kicked Roxas in the shin and gave him a look that blatantly said "Shut her up!" when he threw a glare in my direction. He sighed and pretended to drop something on the floor. When he bent over to pick it up, he kicked out a leg and nailed Maho in the shin. She yelped loudly and grabbed her leg with a pout.

"Hey! What was that for, Roxas?" she grumbled.

He shrugged and took a casual sip from his glass of orange juice. "I figured I would save you from embarrassing yourself any longer."

She narrowed her eyes at the blonde, but with one quick glance around the restaurant, a blush bloomed across her face and she sunk down into her chair. If she could have crawled beneath the table without looking any stranger than she already did, I think that she would have.

"Oh," she whispered. "It was still mean, though."

He shrugged and took another sip from his glass as the waitress sauntered up to the table to take our order. We ordered quickly, even though Roxas and I still weren't quite sure what we really wanted. Maho proceeded to pout throughout the wait for our food, so Roxas and I made small talk to keep the silence at bay for as long as we could.

"Are you ready to head back to school, So?" Roxas muttered.

I sighed. We had had this conversation at least three times already, but it was something to divert my attention from darker thoughts so I sighed and answered. "Not really. I mean, it's been almost four months."

Roxas snorted. "Tell me about it. You would think that they would keep us out until next year and make us repeat the year."

I nodded. "Yeah. Thankfully they're not, though. It would be nice to graduate."

Roxas nodded, but I knew that he was thinking the same thing that I was. We weren't going to graduate. Hell, we would be lucky to make it to next month without being hounded by Ansem to return home.

It wasn't fair! And even though I knew from the beginning that it wasn't going to be fair, I couldn't help but hate Ansem even more for doing this to us. Roxas and I had already lived difficult lives. He had spent the greater part of his life going back and forth between foster homes until he had been placed with Maho when he was fifteen. And the gods know how difficult my life was from the beginning. Why couldn't Ansem just grant us the one thing we had both dreamt about for years? Our high school diplomas. Why couldn't he let us feel like we had actually achieved something in our dismal lives instead of making us feel like failures for the rest of our lives?

Thankfully, our food came soon after, and my thoughts and all attempts at awkward conversation were silenced as we started to stuff our faces with food. Even Maho seemed to loosen up a bit, as she was the first one to talk while we were eating.

Maho dabbed at the corners of her lips with her napkin and took a sip of her coffee, then propped her elbows on the table with her face in her palms and looked between us with a small smile on her face.

Roxas flinched and furrowed his brow. "You can stop that anytime now. It's creepy."

She laughed and rolled her eyes. "_Well_…I was wondering if you boys knew what you wanted for your birthday. It's coming up, you know?"

I tensed and sighed when I heard Roxas sigh from beside me. We were well aware of the fact that our birthday was coming up, and while most teenagers would be counting down until the day that they turned eighteen, Roxas and I were dreading it. Roxas had his mind set that that was when Ansem was going to send the request for our return to Akari. It wasn't going to be a day for celebration and presents if he was right.

When I realized that Roxas wasn't going to say anything in response to Maho's question, I sighed and shrugged, taking a rather large gulp from my mug of cooling hot cocoa. Maho looked expectantly between the two of us for a few more seconds, happiness sparkling in her bright green eyes, before she sighed and dropped her head. She fidgeted briefly with the way her mug sat on her placemat and looked up at us sadly.

"I know that you're not going to be here for much longer, but…" She sniffed quietly, and I braced myself for an onslaught of tears. "…but I want to do something for you. You both are very special to my heart and I want you to remember me when you're gone. I don't want you to forget about me."

Roxas sighed and patted Maho's arm softly. "Don't worry," he said softly. "You're not the kind of person that'll be easy to forget. You're amazing, Maho. I'll never be able to forget everything you've done for me since you took me into your home."

I nodded in agreement. "He's right. You've done so much for us that not even words can tell you how thankful we are."

Maho smiled and her eyes sparkled with happiness and unshed tears. "Thank you," she whispered.

Roxas and I smiled brightly and the three of us dove back into our food. The rest of the brunch was full of friendly banter and laughter. I wish things could have stayed like that forever. And man…I was really starting to sound like a broken record.

TBC…  
**----------------------------------------------------------  
A/N: **Oookay…so is it sad when the first chapter of a fic is a filler chapter? _::sighs::_ Yeah, I know it is, but it's pretty much downtime until they get the letter from Akari to return. Well…next chapter will be a little more interesting, with them returning to school and all…only to find that some others have disappeared as well. _::winks::_…

I already miss writing Riku and Axel!!!! _::cries::_ I can't wait until the first ((AS, AS)). They're such fun characters to write…

Anyway…I apologize for the length of this chapter. It's only 8 pages. Two pages shorter than usual, but I thought that would be a good place to end and I couldn't think of anything else to write. I'm sick of forcing myself to write. Hopefully things will go better when I start work on the next chapter…

Sorry for any typos and stuff…

As always, thanks to any and all readers and reviewers. You all are amazing, especially for sticking in with me through those other two crappy prologues. Hehe... I really thank you all from the bottom of my heart…

Until next chapter, adieu…


	3. Chapter Two: Memories

Bleh…this chapter was so hard to write. I haven't had much drive to write lately because I've been watching a three-year-old for upwards of 12 hours a day for the past couple of weeks, so I've been drained. Not to mention that I have to wake up at 5:30 in the morning on the days that I watch him…_::sighs::_…But it's so totally worth it…

Anyway, I hope you enjoy!!…

WARNINGS: language…

**Disclaimer: **the characters and worlds of _Kingdom Hearts _belong to Disney and Square Enix…Ming Ming of _The Wonder Pets_ belongs to Nickelodeon or Nick Jr.…_Domino _belongs to New Line Cinema and Samuel Hadida…

"…_Made me promise I'd try  
__to find my way back in this life.  
__I hope there is a way  
__to give me a sign you're okay.  
__Reminds me again it's worth it all  
__so I can go on. _

_All of my memories keep you near.  
__In silent moments, imagine you here.  
__All of my memories keep you near.  
__Your silent whispers, silent tears…_

…_Together in all these memories  
__I see your smile.  
__All the memories I hold dear.  
__Darling, you know I will love you  
__until the end of time…"  
_

—"_Memories" Within Temptation…_

**Chapter Two:  
Memories…**

I never thought that it would be possible for me to hate school. Sure, I had never _liked_ going to school, but I did it because it gave me a chance to see Roxas and get away from my mom. But now that I didn't have to worry about either of those, I really felt like I had no reason to be there. What made it even worse were all of the strange glances Roxas and I received while walking down the halls. And only the gods knew what they were whispering behind their hands.

I tried my hardest to look nonchalant when I stopped at my locker to drop off my backpack and grab my books for first hour, but it was hard. I could feel eyes burning into my back from every direction and it made me want to scream. The only thing that kept me calm was the gentle brush of Roxas' mind against my own and the pressure of his hand on my shoulder after he had gathered the books for his own class. We walked to class until we got to the room for history and we had to separate.

First hour was difficult, but I managed to survive. For the first time, I realized how much I had taken Kairi's place in my life for granted. I missed her smiling face whenever she walked into the classroom and her imploring questions about my weekend the moment she sat at her desk. I missed her strange insightfulness of the dreams I had when I fell asleep in class. Gods, I just missed her.

The rest of the time up until lunch wasn't quite so bad. Roxas was the only one who had shared the classes with me before, so I guess I could say that it was almost just like old times. We joked around with the people in the class and went along with the story that had been made up about our absence. Apparently we had taken an excused three month leave so we could take a trip to Europe. It was kind of funny. Even though the school knew the real reason as to our absence—or as much of it as they were allowed to know—they had come up with some bull story to feed the students. I guess they didn't want their reputation stained by a suicidal student.

Walking up and down the hallways was one of the most difficult things about returning. It wasn't because the hallways were so crammed with students that at points it was almost impossible to move forward. It was because I saw Riku everywhere I looked. I would be walking to class, minding my own business, when a flash of silver hair would flash somewhere in the crowd ahead of me. Yet, when I did a double take, the hair was gone and tears prickled painfully at the corners of my eyes.

I refused to use the bathroom in the hall by the cafeteria because I knew that I would probably have a breakdown if I went in there. It was hard enough to just look at the door. It couldn't even imagine how it would feel to walk into the bathroom and have to see the place where Riku and I had shared our first kiss. It would be too painful and I couldn't afford to lose it at school.

When the bell rang to signal the end of third hour, I was ready to say fuck it and leave the school for good. Unfortunately, Roxas wouldn't let me do it. He managed to sneak up on me and slam my locker closed while I was throwing my books into my backpack. He had to grab onto my arm and practically steer me toward the cafeteria. Even then, he never left my side.

It wasn't until we sat down with our food, though, that I realized that something was off. Roxas and I sat alone at our usual table and ate our lunch in a companionable silence, but as I let my eyes scan the cafeteria I was painfully aware of the emptiness of a certain table.

I set my burger back down on my tray and nudged Roxas on the shoulder. He jumped a little bit as he was pulled out of his reverie and turned to me with a thoughtful look on his face.

"Yeah?" He looked into my eyes and frowned. "Something the matter?"

I furrowed my brow and pointed toward the table that held my attention. "Where are Tidus and the others? They're not here."

He shrugged. "I dunno. I don't have any classes with them. Maybe they just switched tables or something. It's nothing to get your panties in a twist about. It happens all the time."

I shook my head. "No. Tidus has _never_ missed a day of school since, like, the third grade. Even if he was too sick to comprehend anything they were teaching, he still came to school. And why would all six of them be gone on the same day? It's weird."

Roxas just shrugged again and took a bite out of his chicken sandwich. "Yeah? Well, you're weird too but I don't question the things that you do."

I frowned at Roxas in annoyance and shook my head. He sighed and rolled his eyes, grumbling something under his breath before he spoke up.

"I dunno, Sora. Tidus is in your English class, right? Ask your teacher if he's been out for the past couple of weeks. If she says yes, then we can start worrying. Until then, breathe. It's not the end of the world."

There was something about the way that he had talked to me that made me feel like he was hiding something, but I didn't want to press the matter any further. I could tell that he was aggravated with me as it was and I didn't want to push anymore buttons. The most that I could do was furrow my brow and throw quick glances at him while he was too focused on eating his food. Yeah, he was most definitely hiding something from me.

I knew that Tidus, Wakka, Selphie, Yuna, Rikku, and Paine were all from Akari because their roles in the past had come back to me sometime after my awakening. What I didn't expect, though, was for them to be called back to the kingdom. Their roles hadn't been too significant in the past. Selphie, Yuna, Rikku, and Paine were only palace maids. Even though they had turned to soldiers in the time of war, I didn't think that it was enough for them to be called back. Same with Tidus and Wakka. I could understand Tidus being called back, but that was only because of his kinship with Cloud, even though he would never admit that the other blonde was his brother. I had always wanted to smack him in the past for constantly referring to Cloud as a "mutt" instead of as his brother.

Sighing, I gave up on trying to think of reasons as to why they could be gone and started to munch on my fries. Once again, I let my eyes wander around the cafeteria. When they spotted yet another empty table, I closed my eyes and tried to ignore it. But, of course, my mouth took control before I could do anything otherwise.

"Hayner, Pence, and Olette are gone, too," I muttered.

Roxas made a small humming sound. "Guess you're right."

I opened my eyes and looked at him incredulously as he started to eat his sandwich again. "You guess I'm right? Is that all you have to say? It's too much of a coincidence, Roxas. All nine of them are gone, along with the others. It can't just be because they're sick. There's something more to this."

He sighed and shrugged. "I dunno. Hayner and Pence are in my next hour class. I'll check up on it when I go there." Then, he picked up his sandwich and started to eat again.

This time, instead of glancing at him slyly, I couldn't keep myself from flat out staring. He was insane. How could he be so calm about something like this? Roxas' three friends had also been entwined in our past lives in Akari. Hayner and Pence had been soldiers while Olette had been a negotiator. Something was going on, and I needed to find out what it was.

"You're hiding something from me, aren't you?"

I _knew_ it. It wasn't much, but there was that brief pause in his chewing just before he opened his eyes and looked at me that let me know that he was keeping something from me. Even if he said that he wasn't, I knew his habits too well to believe him.

"Why would you think something like that?" he muttered.

I shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe because you're taking this a little too casually, like you were expecting it all along. What? Did you hear from Hayner or something while I wasn't paying attention and he let you in on the whole thing? Is that what happened?"

Roxas sighed and set his sandwich down onto his tray before he looked at me in all seriousness. "What do you want me to do, Sora? Give you a cookie for guessing right? Yeah, the nine of them are gone, back to Akari where they belong. And, yet again, we were left behind to wait and suffer. That's all there is to it."

"No! That's not all there is to it. Why didn't you tell me? I never would have expected them to be called back before we were. I mean, their roles weren't that large, so why couldn't Ansem wait to get them if he needed them?"

Roxas laughed. "It's because he's starting to set up his army, you idiot. He needs all his strongest soldiers so he can get a good defense against Kurai when they make their first move. Therefore, they are more important than us because they will fight whenever he gives the signal. We're too spontaneous and aware of the truth of what's going on to be trusted in the heat of battle."

I snorted. "Yeah. He knows that we'll run if he lets us fight. We'd just disappear into the Grey and never be heard from again."

He nodded. "Exactly. Which is why, when we _are_ summoned to return home, we are going to run. If Ansem gets his hands on us he'll lock us away where no one can get to us but him. Then he'll exploit our powers and destroy everything in his path. We can't let him do that."

"No," I muttered dourly, "we can't."

Roxas laughed and patted me on the shoulder. "But we don't know when that's gonna happen so it's no use to worry about it, right?"

I sighed and shrugged. "I guess." I picked halfheartedly at the red Jell-O on my tray with a fork. "I still wish you would have given me a heads up or something before we came back."

Roxas sighed and shook his head. "You're still hung up on that?"

"Of course I am! How hard is it to say, 'Oh, just to let you know, everyone's gone.' I mean, seriously."

"You're frustrating sometimes," he muttered through a mouthful of sandwich.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "Like you're not?"

He shrugged, swallowed, and took a swig from his soft drink before he sighed. "Let's not argue about this right now. Please?"

"Whatever," I grumbled under my breath and gave my Jell-O yet another weak poke. I stared at it as it wiggled and jiggled, briefly entranced by its small amount of beauty.

Silence settled over the table as Roxas stared to eat again, and I wandered off into some place other than the cafeteria. It was a place I recognized without a second thought and one that made me wonder why I had gone there in the first place. Not that it wasn't a nice place. Hell, it was wonderful. The constant twilight sky of Kurai was beginning to darken and the water that surrounded me smelled and felt amazing. Riku surprised me when he pushed his way through the vines and he managed to catch me in his arms as I tried to escape. He was so close and his body was so warm. I had to keep telling myself that it was just a dream, but it felt so _real_.

Riku's lips were just about to capture my own for the first time when Roxas decided to chime in with his own thoughts on the current world.

"We have chemistry next, you know?"

I growled and stabbed my fork into my Jell-O. "I'm well aware of that, thanks."

Roxas sighed and seemed to sag in on himself as his eyes dropped to the table. "I was just saying," he muttered. "I didn't mean to piss you off. Sorry."

I shook my head and shoved my tray toward the middle of the table so I couldn't fidget with the food anymore. "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so stuck up about it." I sighed and rested my forehead in my hands. "I dunno how you put up with me."

He laughed and the sudden sound drew my attention back to him. "Well, sometimes you're worse that Maho when she's PMSing, but I've learned to deal with you both over the years."

"Wonderful way to make a point," I said with a snort and rolled my eyes.

Roxas shrugged and pushed himself out of his chair as the bell signaling the end of lunch echoed throughout the cafeteria. The usual unisonous screech of chair legs against the marble floor followed the sound of the bell as the rest of the students rushed to the trash can to throw away their trays so they wouldn't be late to class.

In the spirit of old times, Roxas and I didn't try to rush. We stood at the sidelines and patiently waited for everyone else to throw their things away before we made our way to the trash and out the door. The hall was almost empty by the time we made it to our lockers to grab our things for chemistry. I had just closed my locker door when the bell rang for everyone to be in class, but we didn't bother to hurry.

By the time we made it to the classroom, Mister Shauver was already there. He didn't look to happy to see us wandering in late, but he didn't bother to harp on it either. The first hour of the class moved easily enough. Shauver stood at the front of the class and explained everything he had on his PowerPoint slides while we tried our hardest to keep up with the notes.

Sitting through the class wasn't as insanely difficult as I had imagined it would be. Sure, I felt my heart shatter when I looked at the two empty seats that were beside me and Roxas, but I survived. My heart had shattered plenty of times over the past couple of months. It wasn't anything knew, and I had learned to deal with it as time passed. All I had to do was adjust.

Once the first hour of the class was completed, Shauver wrapped up his notes and left us alone to work on anything else we needed to do. No one had much homework to complete. Even Roxas and I were free of a heavy load. We had expected to get loaded with make-up work when we returned, but the teachers seemed to have the same mindset as we did. We had three months of make-up work and three months left to do it. But add to that all the time we would have to take to study so we could understand the work, and trying to get it all done before the year ended as impossible. Somehow it hurt that the teachers seemed fine with the fact that we wouldn't graduate, but what was even more painful was the fact that Roxas and I had also come to terms with that fact.

"Sora. Roxas."

We jumped as Shauver called our names and looked up to seem him beckoning towards us from the door. We stood and followed him silently out into the hallway, wondering what we had done that was so bad to have to leave the classroom. Thankfully, it didn't seem that we were going to the office. Shauver crossed the hallway and opened the door to an empty classroom. He let us enter first and the loud click of the door closing behind him seemed to echo menacingly off the walls of the room.

Roxas and I were standing in the middle of the room with lost looks on our faces. When Shauver pointed towards the desks, we took a seat and waited patiently for him to start with whatever he was going to say.

"First of all," he started, causing us to flinch, "I want to tell you boys that you have courage for coming back when you know that you have no hope of graduating. That takes guts."

I blinked, honestly astounded by what he had said, and looked briefly at Roxas before I looked to our teacher. The tall man had an honest smile on his face that made me wonder again why he had taken us out of the classroom to talk.

As I watched him, Shauver's smile turned into a thoughtful frown as he took a seat in the rolling chair beside the teacher's desk.

"But, I was wondering if you could tell me where Riku, Axel, and the rest of your friends have disappeared to. No one has heard any news from or about them and we're all very worried."

I frowned and cocked my head to the side, eyeing the teacher critically. "If everyone's so worried, shouldn't we be talking to the principal about this instead of you?"

Roxas kicked me hard in the shin, but Shauver just laughed and shrugged.

"Well, I guess you're right about that, but wouldn't she have taken action before now if she really wanted to know?"

My frown deepened. "So, you're _all _very worried about our friends, yet the principal doesn't take action? That doesn't sound right to me."

Shauver laughed again. "We're talking about the same principal who covered up your absence because of a suicide attempt with a trip to Europe."

Roxas laughed quietly. When I glared at him, he just shrugged. "What?" he said. "He _does_ have a point. I'm sick of being asked questions about a place I've never seen before in my life."

I rolled my eyes, but had to agree with him. It hadn't even been an entire day yet, and I was already tired of being asked how the weather was in London and how pretty the girls were in France. If being asked the questions was annoying, though, having to come up with answers to them was even worse. I hated having to lie to them, but it was the only thing I could do to get them off my back. Of course I just could have come out and said why I had really been gone, but I don't think that would have gone over very well with the other students. No, it wouldn't have gone over well at all.

"And we're sorry, but we don't know where the others are," Roxas said. "We were surprised when we came back this morning and saw that they were gone."

Shauver eyed Roxas for a minute before he turned his looks onto me. I didn't try to act like I didn't know anything because I knew that it would only make me look guiltier than I already did. Instead, I looked him straight in the eye and told myself over and over again that I didn't know where they were. And, in all actuality, neither of us really did know where they were. All we knew was that Riku, Axel, Kairi, and Naminé had had to go to London, but that had been days ago. Only the gods knew where they were now.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Shauver sighed and closed his eyes. "I believe you," he muttered. "It just doesn't make sense. Where could thirteen students possibly disappear to at the same time?"

Silence fell across the classroom. Roxas and I didn't know what to say to answer our teacher's question without making ourselves look suspicious, so we kept our mouths shut. When Shauver opened his eyes again, he stood from his desk and started to walk toward the door.

"Alright, we better get back. Thanks for being truthful with me, boys."

We shrugged and followed him out of the classroom. Shauver held the door open for us so we could walk into the classroom with a smile.

"Thanks for caring," I whispered to him as I walked into the room.

The man started for a moment, but recovered with a smile and a nod.

I had never been more unhappy to hear the bell ring for class to end in my life. I gathered my books dismally and followed Roxas out of the classroom with a frown on my face and my thoughts circling.

On any other day Shauver was like all the other teachers, but that day had been different. He had actually _cared_, and it had meant the world to me and Roxas. Just because of that, it would change my perception of him forever. He was no longer only the video game playing chemistry teacher with a dry sense of humor. He was now someone I respected, and he would have that respect for the rest of my life.

**o-o-o-o-o**

Home was a welcome place when we walked through the door after school was over. I could hear the sounds of the television playing in the living room while the scents of dinner drifted into the foyer from the kitchen. I inhaled the air deeply as I kicked my shoes off at the door and hung my jacket up in the closet. Roxas followed suit and we dropped our backpacks off by the stairs before we went into the living room.

Maho smiled and waved at us from where she sat on the couch before she turned her attention back onto the television. I couldn't hold in a laugh when I looked to see what she was watching.

"What's so funny?" Maho asked with a scowl.

I shrugged. "This is sewious," I said in the best imitation of the little chick I could muster.

"Hey! Don't make fun of Ming Ming. He's cute!"

I laughed again and took a seat on the couch to join Maho in her watching of _The Wonder Pets_. "I wasn't making fun of Ming Ming," I said. "I was just reciting the best catch phrase in the history of forever. What are they saving today?"

Maho laughed. "Well, they already saved a camel in the first half and they're off to save a skunk or something now."

"I haven't seen this one yet," I said with a smile. I looked to my left when I felt the couch sink beside me and laughed at the look on Roxas' face.

"You two are the some of the strangest people…" he muttered under his breath.

I chuckled and Maho giggled from the other side of me.

"That only makes you love us more!" she sang.

Roxas shrugged, as he always did when someone responded to him in that manner. Sometimes that little shrug made me frown, but it always made me wonder. When had I ever heard him say that he loved someone? Had he ever told Axel? I could only think that he had, but I had never heard him say it. Axel had always been the one to say that he loved Roxas, to which the blonde would respond with a smile or "Yeah." Since it wasn't something I could really ask my friend, I could only wonder.

"I rented a movie for us to watch tonight," Maho said.

I blinked out of my thoughts and turned to look at the brunette with a frown as Roxas asked what it was.

She shrugged. "_Domino_. Someone at work said that it was good. It's a shoot 'em up kinda movie, so I figured you boys would enjoy it. Well, Keira Knightley is in it too, but I figured you all wouldn't care about _that_ particular aspect." She winked at us, and I cursed as I felt a heated blush rise on my cheeks.

Maho laughed and smacked me playfully on the knee as she stood up. "I gotta check on dinner and finish up some paperwork. I'll tell ya when it's time to eat."

We nodded as she left the room, and Roxas all but dove for the remote control so he could change the channel. I laughed at him and shook my head when he glared at me.

"I was watching that," I muttered with a smile.

He glared at me again and rolled his eyes. "You actually watch that shit?"

I shrugged. "Sometimes. Is that a problem, Mister I Have a Chair Leg Shoved up My Ass?" He glared at me again and I frowned. "Seriously, dude, what's up?"

He sighed. "I'm worried about that conversation we had with Shauver today."

I frowned and cocked my head to the side as I examined his face. "How so?"

"You didn't think it was weird? I mean, I realize that our principal is a little…strange, but don't you think that she would have wanted to talk to us about something like that?"

"Would you have wanted to talk to her?" I asked.

He shrugged. "That wasn't the question."

I sighed heavily and ran a hand back through my hair. "Okay, yeah it was a little strange that he talked to us instead of the principal, but I don't really think that it was weird. I was happier to talk to Shauver than I ever would have been to talk to the principal."

"You really don't think that it was weird?" I shook my head and he rolled his eyes. "You're warped," he said as he pushed himself up from the couch and started to walk away.

"I resent that!" I called after him with a pout.

He waved his hand as if to say "Yeah, yeah" and grabbed his backpack before he headed upstairs. I sighed and lay out on the couch now that I had it to myself, flipping absentmindedly through the channels. When I realized that nothing good was on, I turned off the TV and rested an arm over my eyes so I could concentrate and open my mind.

'_Riku? Hey, it's Sora. I miss you.'_

I waited the usual five minutes for an answer and sighed when I didn't get one. Not that I was actually expecting to hear a response. I had been talking to him like this everyday for the past two weeks and hadn't heard anything.

'_Anyway…me and Rox went back to school today. Tidus and Hayner's gangs have already left as well.'_ I sighed. _'Remember Mister Shauver, our chemistry teacher? Yeah, he interrogated me and Roxas about where everyone was today. We didn't tell him anything, of course, but I respect him now. It seemed like he really cared about everything. Roxas thinks that it was weird, but that's just him. He thinks _everything _is weird. I mean, he called me and Maho weird a few minutes ago because we were watching a kid show on TV.'_

I paused for a moment to collect my thoughts and give him a chance to respond if he wanted to. Of course, there wasn't an answer. It was starting to depress me. There was no way for me to know if he wasn't answering me because he didn't want to or if he just couldn't. Each choice was just as likely as the other.

'_How are things where you are? Hell, I don't even know where you are right now. Are you in Kurai yet? Or are you still in London? I don't see why you would still be there after two weeks, but you never know._

'_I really do miss you, you know? Why won't you talk to me? Is it because you can't? Or do you just not want to talk to me? You're back in Kurai now, you're home. And you got what you wanted anyway, right? We got to be together, you got to get in my pants. Now you can forget about me, right?'_

I sniffed a bit as I struggled to hold back tears, knowing that I was being completely unfair. His only goal hadn't been to get into my pants, but I was so frustrated with him for not answering me. Maybe I was provoking him in attempt to get a response out of anger because anger was better than nothing, right?

I choked on a sob as I started to talk again. _'Why won't you answer me, dammit? I want to know where you are, if you're okay. Are you even alive? How am I supposed to know what's going on if you won't talk to me? You _promised_ that you would keep me updated, remember? Can't you even at least do that? Just give me a chance to hear your voice. That's all I ask for! Please, just give me a sign that you're okay.'_

I knew that I was starting to sound desperate by the end, but I couldn't help it. I didn't care if he wasn't talking to me because he wanted to have a substantial conversation. I would be happy to just get a quick sentence that told me where they were and that they were okay. If I could hear his voice, then I knew that he was alive. Sure, it may not determine whether he was okay or not, but it would at least let me know that he was alive and that there was still hope.

'_I'm sorry.'_

I started briefly at the voice in my head. It sounded horrible, but I would be able to know that voice no matter what. _'Riku? Riku! Oh, gods, are you okay? Where are you?'_

'_I don't know.'_ His voice barely rose over a whisper, even in my head. _'I'm alive, if that's what you're wondering.'_

'_What don't you know?'_

He laughed. _'If I'm okay, where I am… It's all just…darkness. Axel is with me, I think. Someone else is in here with me, but they won't talk. I keep feeling the brush of Axel's mind against mind, so I think it's him.'_

I moaned quietly and squeezed my eyes closed as tightly as I could. _'You sound like shit.'_

He laughed again. _'Thanks, I guess.'_

I sighed. _'Why haven't you said anything to me before now? I've been having one-sided conversations everyday since a couple of days after you left and I never got a response once.'_

'_I'm sorry. I think they bewitched us. I tried to talk to you. Gods, how I tried, but I couldn't. And thank you for talking to me. If it wasn't for your voice, I think the darkness would have carried me away by now.'_

I choked on another sob as I curled into a ball. Never in my entire life had I wanted to be in his arms more than right then.

'_Don't cry, Love. Everything will be okay, I promise. Just stick to the plan, okay? Everything will be fine.'_

'_I miss you,'_ I said through tears. _'I miss you so much.'_

He sighed and the gentle caress of his mind against my own made me release a sigh of my own.

'_I miss you too, Sora. More than anything. But I need you to be strong for me, okay? I need you to be strong for everyone. You're our light in the darkness. We need you to be strong now more than ever because if you give into the darkness then we'll all fall.'_

'_Nice way to make me feel better,'_ I whispered.

He laughed. _'I know that it's hard, but it'll all be worth it in the end. Trust me.'_ His mind caressed mine again and I sighed heavily. _'It's not all for nothing. We'll put an end to Ansem and Xemnas' reigns once and for all and free our people. It just can't happen overnight.'_

'_I know.'_

He sighed. _'I have to go, Love. I'm afraid that they may realize that their magick has worn off.'_

I was hesitant to let go, but I knew that I had to if I wanted the chance to speak to him again soon. _'Okay.'_

He laughed. _'Promise that you won't stop talking to me? Even if I don't answer?'_

I nodded, then realized he couldn't see. _'Of course. I love you.'_

'_I love you, too,'_ he said with a sigh and, with one final brush against my mind, he was gone. I could still feel the link, but his mind was closed off to me.

Giving into the overwhelming emotions the short conversation had brought forth, I curled into a tighter ball and let go of the tears that I had been trying to hold back.

**o-o-o-o-o**

Dinner that night was an interesting affair. Maho had made something edible and good for dinner for the first time in her life, and it had been cause to celebrate. We sat together at the table and ate the spaghetti and meatballs and Italian bread in a companionable silence, the sounds of the news leaking into the dining room from the television in the other room.

When we were finished, we put our dishes into the dish washer and filed into the living room to watch the movie Maho had rented. It was good, and managed to keep my attention for the entire two hours. There were plenty of gun fights and plenty of naughty language. It also had its funny moments, not to mention that Choco wasn't too bad to look at. I was pleasantly surprised, though, that the opening was right. It _was_ based on true events…sort of.

One scene about thirty minutes into the movie almost made me have to walk away. It wasn't a bad scene, as far as watching pretty girls strip down into their underwear and give someone a lap dance went. The song that was playing in the background is what got to me. It was the first song that Riku and I had danced to at the Halloween party, the dirty song that had taken my body over and made me dance like a whore against my boyfriend. I was lucky that the scene had lasted only about thirty seconds because I don't think that I would have made it any longer.

It was almost ten when the movie ended and Maho excused herself to bed with a large yawn, patting me and Roxas on top of the head as she passed us. Roxas and I stayed in the living room for a little bit and watched TV until I got so bored with what there was to watch that I decided to go to bed. I gave Roxas a small smile as I walked past him and quietly snuck up to my bedroom.

I had just changed into my pajamas and was curling into bed when there was a quiet knock on my door.

"It's open," I said with a sigh.

I wasn't surprised to see Roxas poke his head into the room. He offered me a small smile as he came in and closed the door behind him before he took a seat in my desk chair. Silence fell over us for a couple of minutes as he just sat there and stared at me. It was kind of creepy, but I wasn't sure if I was ready to answer any of the questions he had to ask me.

Finally, Roxas decided to talk with a heavy sigh. "He answered you this time, huh?"

I nodded and sat up in bed, hugging Patches tightly to my chest. "Yeah… Things don't sound too good. He said that he doesn't know where he is. All he sees is darkness. He thinks that Axel is with him, but he's not sure. He feels Axel's mind against his, but that's about it. Whoever's with him won't answer him whenever he tries to talk." I frowned. "Have you tried talking to Axel at all lately?"

He sighed again. "Yeah, of course I have. I haven't gotten an answer, though. I just sit there and talk…and talk…and talk. I feel like an idiot, but it makes me feel better."

"Yeah, like maybe him hearing your voice helps him move along everyday?" He nodded. "That's how I feel whenever I talk to Riku. I may not be able to hear him, but I want to help him as much as I can so I just talk. Sometimes I talk for an hour or more, sometimes it's only a couple of minutes."

Roxas laughed. "One day we're really going to lose our minds and no one will see it coming."

I chuckled and rolled my eyes, settling back down into my bed. I curled into a ball so I could watch Roxas as he thought.

"Did he say anything else?" he asked after a couple of quiet minutes.

I shrugged. "He just laid it on me, like usual. You know, that I'm everyone's light and if I give up all is lost to darkness and despair." I laughed. "I agree with him, though. It may be hard, but I know that it will all be worth it when the time finally comes and our people are free."

Roxas nodded. "It'll definitely be worth it. And know that you'll never be alone. One of us will always be at your side, no matter what."

I started at Roxas' words, but then smiled softly. "I know. It's only because of you that I've been able to make it this far."

He shrugged. "What can I say? At least I'm good for something."

I stuck my tongue out at him and he snorted, so I threw Patches across the room. Unfortunately, the throw wasn't hard enough and Roxas caught the stuffed dog before it hit him in the face.

"I can't believe you still sleep with this thing," he said with a laugh.

I shrugged and felt a blush creep up my face. "I like holding something when I sleep. I always have. It makes me feel…less lonely, I guess. I used to have Bojangles, but…"

Roxas nodded—knowing how I felt about coming back to the house to find that my black Lab was gone—and stood from the chair to carry Patches back over to me. I took the little brown dog and held him close to my chest while I watched Roxas head for my door. Just as he was reaching for the handle, a familiar smile flashed through my mind, and I was overcome with a sudden, painful amount of loneliness.

"Hey, Rox…"

He froze with his hand on the door handle and turned to me with a frown on his face. "Hm?"

I smiled sheepishly and moved over a little bit to make room on my bed. "Will you sleep with me tonight? I don't feel like being alone."

He returned the smile and nodded. "I was hoping you would say something," he muttered as he made his way over to my bed.

I laughed and lifted the blankets so he could curl up under them. He settled down and rolled onto his side so he was facing me.

"It's a week 'til our birthday."

I nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"Are you scared?" he whispered.

I shrugged and snuggled deep into the blankets. "I guess, but it's to be expected, right? Aren't you scared?"

He nodded. "A little bit."

I smiled and reached out to hug my best friend and brother. He returned the embrace and sighed quietly into my ear. We lay like that for a while, each of us drifting in and out of consciousness and thankful not to be alone. I know that I had said it before, but I _really_ didn't know what I would have done if Roxas hadn't have been there with me.

I was almost asleep when a random idea drifted through my mind. It wasn't the kind of idea that would change anyone's life. No. It was an idea that would make me feel a little bit better about having to leave Maho alone, and something that would hopefully keep her from being so lonely.

I stirred slightly and sighed. "Hey, Rox. You awake?"

His first answer was an incoherent mumble, but then he stirred and opened his eyes. "What?" he grumbled.

I smiled sheepishly. "I have an idea."

He sighed. "Can't it wait 'til morning? I'm tired."

"I'll forget in the morning!" I pouted.

He sighed again and gave me a serious look. "Okay, fine. What's this idea that's so important that you needed to wake me up?"

I glared, but knew that he would be even angrier if I said to forget it and go back to sleep. "I think we should get Maho a pet."

Silence. It seemed to echo in every corner of the room. I wanted to look at Roxas, but didn't want to see the look of anger that would probably be on his face. When his sigh filled the room, I flinched inwardly. There were a couple more seconds of silence before he spoke again.

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea."

I started for a moment. "W-what?"

"I said that it's a good idea," he laughed. "We can go tomorrow."

"O-okay," I muttered, and smiled. "Sounds good."

"Now. Can I go to sleep or are you going to get hit with another amazing idea?"

"No. I'm good," I said quietly.

He snorted. "Good."

Roxas put his arms around me again, and I sighed into the embrace. Suddenly, the sleep that had eluded me a few minutes before over took my mind and left me exhausted. I closed my eyes and fell asleep almost immediately. Poor Patches lay forgotten in a lumpy pile beside my wall.

TBC…  
**---------------------------------------------------------  
**A/N: So…I'm satisfied with this chapter, even though it took a little bit longer than a week to get out. I didn't really get a good start on it until Thursday night. I wrote the better part of six pages that night. Yay for ideas and writing sprees!! LoL…

The part with Shauver… Unbelievable? Yeah…probably, but not wholly so…_::shrugs::_… And Riku speaks!! LoL. He didn't say much, but it was more than I had originally planned…

Sooo…as I've been watching a three-year-old, I've definitely been thrown into the world of children's television. LoL. It's sad when you have your favorite shows. _The Wonder Pets_ is one of mine. Hehe. I can just picture Maho watching something like that, though, and having Rox and Sora walk in on her. While Roxas would be annoyed and little bit worried, I can picture Sora sitting down and watching it with her. LoL. He'd probably even reminisce about some other episodes that he had seen before with her…

Yes, I mentioned _Domino _again. If you haven't seen it yet, I totally recommend it. There are plenty of gun fights and F-bomb droppage, so if that's not your thing maybe the movie isn't for you. If you don't mind it and are looking for a new movie to watch, then watch _Domino_! I command it!! LoL. Kidding…

Thank ya big-big to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. You all know how much it means to me, and I love you soooo much for hanging in with me. I think I may finally be getting the hang of not writing self-injury so much…_::knocks on wood::_…

Sorry for any typos and all that jazz!!…

Alrightly…I guess I'll see you in the next chapter…I think it's about time we meet up with Riku and Axel again…Hehe…

Until then, adieu…


	4. AS, AS Landing in London

_::dances::_ It's time to meet with Riku and Axel again. Whoo-hoo!! Hehe…I've missed them far too much, and I hope that you've missed them too…

And yeah…the song for this chapter is the whole reason as to why I changed the gate opening to London instead of New York. Hehe… The first time I heard this song it made me think of Riku in _Lost Heaven_ as a whole, so of course I had to use it…

Enjoy!!…

WARNINGS: language…

**Disclaimer: **the characters and worlds of _Kingdom Hearts _belong to Square Enix and Disney…

"_I woke up today in London  
__As the plane was touching down  
__And all I could think about was Monday  
__When maybe I'd be back around  
__If this keeps me away much longer  
__I don't know what I would do  
__You got to understand it's a hard life,  
__That I'm going through_

_And when the night falls in around me  
__And I don't think I'll make it through  
__I'll use your light to guide the way  
_'_Cause all I think about is you…"_

—"_Landing in London" 3 Doors Down…_

**((Another Side, Another Story))  
Landing in London…**

I stared dismally out the window of the airplane, cursing the ocean and its vastness for quite possibly the millionth time since our plane had left Los Angeles. It was constant—a blotch of blue color that seemed to go on forever as it faded into the sky. It wouldn't have been any better if there had been some sort of entertainment as we crossed over, but alas, there was nothing to spice the flight up and that made it seem even worse.

Needless to say, I was bored, and boredom did not sit well with me. Not only that, but I was trapped inside a gigantic Boeing 747 with nothing to do but think and no way out for at least another ten hours.

Sighing in frustration, I cast a side glance in Axel's direction to see what he was doing. He was reading…again. It was surprising and slightly aggravating. Even though I had known Axel for my entire life and more, I never would have expected him to go through so many books in such a short amount of time. He was already on his third book and we had only been on the plane five hours or so.

I had only brought two books in my carry-on luggage because I had expected Axel to want to talk the entire time. Hell, I had been looking _forward_ to talking to Axel the entire time. I wanted to talk about what each of us thought was going to happen once we crossed through the gate and how we should prepare for it. I wanted to know that I wasn't the only one who felt like an enormous hole had been torn into my chest since our plane had departed from Twilight Town. Most of all, I wanted to know that I wasn't alone in this. I wanted… No, I _needed _Axel to tell me that he was with me and that he would _always _be with me because I knew that I wasn't going to be able to handle what was coming on my own.

Sighing yet again, I ran a hand through my bangs and tightened my messy ponytail before it fell out. I cast another sorry glance out the window before I slouched down into my seat in an attempt to get comfortable and closed my eyes.

An almost silent sigh to my left made a small smile twitch at my lips, and my eyes slipped open. I looked up innocently to find that Axel hadn't sighed in response to my restlessness. It seemed that he had only reached a rather emotional part in his book. I scowled. Okay, so now I was bored and being ignored. If I had been holding onto any traces of happiness before, I let them all go right then. I was _not _a happy person.

"Axel…" No response. I scowled again and poked my friend sharply in the ribs. "Axel."

The redhead started briefly at the feeling of my finger against his side, and then looked at me with an eyebrow arched in vague amusement. "Did you just _whine_ at me?" he asked, mouth stretching into a large smile as he said the words.

I tried my hardest to glare at him, but my body didn't want to listen to me. I can only imagine what kind of look I did end up giving him. Judging by the way he laughed, it most definitely wasn't the glare I had been aiming for.

"Shut up," I muttered dryly. I wasn't too sure if I really wanted to talk to him anymore or not. The gods above knew that he was going to rub that little bout of whining into my face for the rest of our lives.

Axel laughed and dog-eared his page in the book before he closed it and turned his full attention onto me. "Aw, what's wrong wifth my wittle Wiku?" he said with a sickeningly sweet smile on his face. "Why is he being such a wittle bitch?"

I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back to the world outside the window. Thankfully I couldn't see the ocean because of the angle I was sitting at, but the sky wasn't much more entertaining than its blue counterpart had been.

I ignored the sharp jab at my side and closed my eyes. Even though my previous "notice me, dammit!" waves had been replaced with "leave me the fuck alone!" waves, the heavy sigh Axel let out was anything but a sign that meant he was giving up. I should have known better than to think he would give up, anyway. If Axel thought there was a problem, he was usually right and he would stop at no lengths to discover what the problem was.

"What's the problem, Riku?" I shook my head and he sighed again. "Alright, fine. If you're not going to answer me, I'll just sit here and make cracks at the fact that you're a needy little bastard."

My eyes snapped open and landed on Axel with the best glare they could muster. If his small little flinch meant anything, then I was quite certain that I had gotten the desired effect. I wasn't…needy, per say. I was just bored and had practically been ignored since an hour into our flight from O'Hare International in Chicago to LAX in Los Angeles. It was aggravating.

"I'm not a needy little bastard," I muttered dourly. "I'm an insanely bored bastard who wasn't expecting to spend the better part of a fifteen hour plane ride in silence. If I had known that I was going to be traveling like this, I would have taken the flight by myself."

When Axel's eyes narrowed dangerously, I knew that I had stepped over the fine line of his patience. It hadn't taken much, but I could only imagine how thin this patience had worn from being trapped in an oversized flying piece of sheet metal for hours on end.

"Then why didn't you go by yourself?" he whispered, a dark smile crossing his lips when I didn't reply. "Oh, that's right. It's the same reason why you weren't able to go to Twilight Town by yourself. You're scared—scared like a little puppy who managed to find itself straddling the yellow line in the middle of a busy street."

My own eyes narrowed as I felt the anger bubbling up inside my chest. It was safe to say that this conversation was starting to go in a direction I had never expected.

"I have every gods damned right to be scared out of my fucking mind, Axel. So do you, and so do _they_. Who knows what we're going to be up against once we step through that gate? For all we know, we could be greeted by Father just so he can throw us into the dungeons without a second thought."

There was silence for a moment, filled only by the quiet humming of the engines, before Axel sighed. When I noticed the tension leave his body, I let out my own sigh. Even though his eyes were still narrowed, I knew that this fight wasn't going to go as deep as it could.

"Who ever said that I wasn't terrified? I _am_ scared because we really don't know what's going to be on that other side of that gate. Hell, they could be waiting for us with guns so they can get us out of the way before anything major happens. Who knows?"

He sighed and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, they weren't narrowed and I could see desperation swimming through their depths.

"I'm here because I made a promise that I would follow you wherever you went, do what ever you did. I'm here because I made an oath to protect you whenever you needed protection." He sighed again and ran a hand back through his hair. "Riku, I'm here because you're my best friend and I love you. If I had just let you come into this alone, I never would have been able to live with myself."

I smiled and patted Axel's arm lovingly. "I know. Thank you, Ax."

He looked surprised for a moment, but quickly recovered with a smile and placed a hand over the top of mine. "No problem. Someone had to be kind enough to watch your ass."

I snorted and rolled my eyes. I knew he was right, but I would never give him the satisfaction of knowing that I knew. He tended to gloat too much already. I couldn't even begin to imagine how far he would go if he knew just how much I appreciated his company.

Sighing heavily, I reached out and closed the blind on the window and tried my hardest to get comfortable in my seat. I was tired, and judging by the shifting of pages beside me, I didn't think that Axel would have a problem if I decided to take a short little nap to pass the time. Hell. It wasn't like I had anything better to do.

Darkness claimed me almost immediately after I closed my eyes, pulling me in the deep nothingness of unconsciousness.

**o-o-o-o-o**

As it turned out, my plans for a little nap hadn't been quite so little after all. I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep for the first time since I had been reunited with Sora. It was nice, but entirely wanted. The bump from the wheels touching the ground, however, jolted me rudely back into consciousness. I blinked blearily and looked around to see what was going on, but nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary.

A small chuckle beside me brought my attention onto Axel as he was shoving a book into his backpack. When he noticed that he had my attention, he winked at me and waved jovially.

"It's about time you woke up. We're here."

Furrowing my brow, I turned toward the window and pushed the shade up so I could see outside. I gasped when I realized that he was right. We were there. We were in London, and I wasn't prepared for the things that could happen once we set foot off the plane.

As the plane slowly rolled down the runway, the pilot came over the PA system to announce that we had landed, but I didn't catch onto anything after that. I had worse things to worry about now that we were finally in the place I had been dreading the entire flight. I half wondered who was going to be waiting for us in the airport to make sure we lived up to the promise. I could only imagine, but I knew without a shadow of a doubt that it wouldn't be my father. No, he would save his appearance for when it really mattered.

The other passengers rose in a flurry of noise when the plane finally stopped at the gate. Some stood and grabbed their bags out of the overhead compartment while others bitched at the ones getting their luggage down because they were blocking their paths. I couldn't help but laugh. It seemed that discourtesy was an international thing.

As the passengers around us began to filter out of the plane, I refused to budge from my seat. Even when Axel stood and threw his carry-on bag over his shoulder, I wouldn't move.

"Come on, Riku," Axel said. "We gotta go."

I shook my head and stared up at my friend with wide, pleading eyes. I didn't want to go. I wanted to be back in Twilight Town with Sora and Roxas, not here in some foreign European city I had never visited before. Axel wasn't going to deal with my reluctance, though. He grabbed onto my arm and forced me to stand up before he reached down and grabbed my bag from the floor. When he got the bag situated on my shoulder, he grabbed onto my shoulders and shook me.

"We didn't come all this way for nothing, Riku," he said firmly. "And we can't turn around and run away now. Who knows who's going to be waiting for us when we step off this plane? The moment they see us, they'll surround us and won't let us out of their sights. We're fucked, Riku. I thought you knew that already."

I shook my head. "I did…I _do_. I just… I know things aren't going to turn out the way we want them too."

He laughed heartily and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, and what a time to start realizing this. We damned ourselves the moment we left Twilight Town. Besides, they always say you can't see the sunshine without a little bit of rain. Or something like that."

I nodded, but didn't have the heart to tell him no one had ever said that. Just like no one had ever been forced to return to a home they never wanted to see again, knowing that it was only to be locked away in dungeon or killed. Just like no one had ever had a father who had been main face behind the humans' creation of the being known as Satan.

Axel was right. We were fucked.

But instead of sitting on the plane and moping about it for a little bit longer, I nodded quickly to Axel and followed him down the aisle. We still had time before we had to think of something to do, and there was no way for anyone to monitor our mental conversations. Axel and I would come up with some kind of plan before we had to go through the door.

I could say that I was surprised to see Sephiroth waiting for us in the terminal, but that would be a lie. The moment I had stepped off the plane, I felt his aura overcome me with a sickening force. But to see him there with a twisted smile on his face was almost too much to handle. He was so much like our father that sometimes it made me sick. The only difference was that Sephiroth didn't have the kind of control over me and Axel as our father did, but he made up for it often enough by threatening to tear us apart with his sword. And if you're threatened by someone with a six-foot sword, you tend to listen.

"Brother, Axel! How nice to see you!" The fake cheer in his voice was disgusting, but I couldn't walk past him when he held his arms out for a hug.

"Hi, Seph. It's nice to see you again too," I said as I barely embraced him and moved before he could crush me with his arms.

"Yeah, hi, Seph," was Axel's rather unenthusiastic response.

Sephiroth's smile became even faker with Axel's words, but he kept his temper in check and directed us toward the luggage claim. I was proud of him, even though I knew he was smart enough to know that he would have caused quite a scene if he had just launched himself at Axel right in the middle of a crowded airport terminal. We _really_ didn't need to have the cops on top of us right when we landed in London.

We managed to grab our luggage and get out of the airport without making a scene. Sephiroth kept his mouth closed until we were closed in the privacy of the back of our limo. Only then did he let his temper go and pin Axel down to the seat.

"Did no one ever teach you respect?" he spat, his face mere inches away from Axel's.

Axel laughed and shrugged, even though I could see the coldness creeping into his eyes. "Yeah, I listened to Aretha Franklin when I was younger. You know, 'R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me' and all that shit."

Sephiroth growled and smacked Axel hard across the face. I winced at the sight of my friend's face snapping to the side as such a vicious speed, but I knew that Axel would recover. He _always_ recovered. But I can't imagine that he hadn't been expecting being hit for his sarcasm in the first place. He knew Sephiroth better than that, at least I hoped.

"You are a disgusting piece of filth. I don't understand why Father put you in the Organization in the first place."

"I don't know, either. Why don't you call your daddy up and ask him?" Axel shouted. "It's not like I chose to be in the damned thing anyway. It was join or be killed."

Sephiroth snorted as he pushed himself away from Axel. "Too bad you didn't pick the latter."

"Yeah? Well, fuck you, asshole."

Sephiroth shrugged and moved to the other side of the limo. Axel moved to follow him, but I grabbed onto his arm and gave him a serious look when he tried to fight me. I knew that he would be killed without a second thought if he pushed matters any further than he already had and I wouldn't be able to deal with that.

'_Just let it alone.'_ I begged.

'_Sorry.' _He sighed and I saw the coldness slowly disappear from his eyes. '_You know I can't stand that prick.'_

I laughed mentally._ 'I know. I know. I just don't want you to go and get yourself killed. You should know Seph better than that.'_

He shrugged, but didn't supply me with any other reply. I could only hope that he had learned his lesson and wouldn't try to do anything stupid like that again.

Faster than I had imagined, the limo was slowing to a stop outside a posh hotel and the chauffer was pulling the door open so we could climb out with our bags. For some reason, Sephiroth took it into his own hands to inform the desk of our arrival and then led us up to the suite.

The entire five storey ride in the elevator, I was preparing myself for the worst. I knew that Sephiroth was going to lash out at Axel for his defiance in the limo once the door closed behind us and left us in privacy. I just _knew_, and then I was going to be alone. Or I would be killed as well for trying to defend Axel. Neither of the choices was very high on my list of things I wanted to happen.

An anvil dropped into the pit of my stomach when the elevator stopped on our floor and the doors dinged open. I broke into a sweat as we stepped out of the elevator and started down the hall to the suite. When Sephiroth stopped outside a door and stuck a key into the lock, it was growing increasingly difficult for me to breathe. I felt like I was going to pass out by the time he turned the key and pushed the door open.

But it was all for nothing. Sephiroth silently walked into the room and went into one of the rooms, where the closed and probably locked the door behind him. I stared at the closed door with wide eyes and felt my entire body start to shake as the tension became too much for me to handle. When my knees gave out, there was nothing to grab onto, but Axel managed to drop his bags and catch me before I hit the ground.

Axel picked me up and carried me to the couch. He laid me down gently and sunk down to his knees on the floor, brushing my bangs back out of my face. My vision went in and out from darkness and the bright light of the room, and it took everything I had just to try and take a breath.

'_Calm down, Riku. Breathe. 1, 2, 3, breathe.'_ Axel let his mind brush gently against mine and I felt him siphon some of the tension into himself as he did. _'Close your eyes and center.'_

I nodded and did as he told. I closed my eyes and sunk deep down within myself. I started with a few slow and deep breaths before I imagined the quiet, glowing spot just below my belly button. I knew that it was a perfect calm place that no one could take me away from. No one could touch me or hurt me as long as I was there. I took a long, deep breath and sunk into the feeling of security and comfort seeing that place gave me, forgetting about everything in the outside world for a moment.

I held onto the feeling of security as I opened my eyes and released a breath. I would usually follow centering with grounding, but I knew that centering would have to do for now. And that single, short exercise had done wonders for my mind and body. I felt calm and collected, and my vision had cleared so I could see Axel's face hovering above mine perfectly.

"I forgot how good that feels," I muttered as I moved to sit up. "I haven't done it since the night before the Halloween party."

Axel smiled and moved from the floor to sit on the couch beside me, lifting my legs so they would lie across his lap. "No wonder you've acting so strange lately. You know you're supposed to do it whenever you feel yourself getting off balance."

I sighed and snuggled into the comfortable chenille of the couch. "What can I say? I wasn't exactly thinking about keeping myself balanced while Sora's life was on the line."

He laughed. "I know. I just wanted the chance to harp on you."

"Yeah, yeah…," I said with a small roll of my eyes.

Axel laughed again and playfully shoved my legs off his lap. "I guess I should get our luggage out of the doorway and into our room, huh?"

I nodded and pushed myself up from the couch. "Yeah, I'll help."

"No, I can get it," he said and pushed me back down. "Don't worry about it. Just sit down, relax, and get a hold of yourself before you start to freak out again."

I sighed and pushed myself up from the couch, ignoring the glare Axel threw at me. "At least let me carry my carry-on bag or something. I want to go lay down on the bed so I don't have to deal with the spawn of Satan whenever he decides to come out of his room."

Axel laughed and shrugged, then led the way to the door. I don't know how, but he managed to gather all of the luggage except my carry-on bag into his arms and carried it to the room without dropping a thing. I watched him in awe for a moment before I grabbed my bag and followed him in, laughing as he unceremoniously dropped all of our things onto the floor.

"I'm glad we didn't pack anything that was _too _fragile," I muttered as I dropped my bag beside the bed and collapsed onto the mattress.

He shrugged halfheartedly. "What can I say? It was heavy."

I laughed and closed my eyes as Axel flopped down onto the bed beside me, letting my thoughts drift over the past half an hour. So far things hadn't gone too horribly wrong. Sure, Axel had almost gotten himself killed because he couldn't control his mouth around Sephiroth, but that wasn't anything new. And knowing that things were going completely different than we had planned was just making me nervous. I couldn't stop wondering just when things were going to start going downhill and if there would be any kind of warning before it happened.

Axel sighed beside me and I felt the bed shift as he moved before a finger was jabbed into my side. "So…whatcha thinkin' 'bout?"

I cracked an eye and looked to the side, only to laugh at the look on Axel's face. "What's it matter?"

He frowned and shrugged. "I just don't want you to sit around a mope for the rest of your life. So talk to me. Tell me what's on your mind."

I snorted and rolled my eyes, but knew better than to think that he would leave the subject alone. So, instead of ignoring him, I moved so I was on my side, facing him. "Aren't you worried that things have been…calm since we've landed?"

His frown deepened and he cocked his head to the side. "I dunno. I've been too glad that I'm still alive to really think about it. Why?"

"I just…" I sighed and rolled onto my back so I could stare at the ceiling. "Maybe I'm just being overdramatic. I mean, you saw how I just started to shut down when Seph went into his room and didn't do anything. I had spent so much time preparing myself for him lashing out that my mind and body went into overdrive."

The bed shifted a bit and I knew that Axel had rolled onto his back as well. "I dunno, man. I know how you feel about preparing for Sephiroth to lash out, but I guess I'm just so used to it that it didn't affect me like it did you. You know how often I piss your brother off, so I'm always preparing for him to hurt me."

I laughed. "You need to learn to get control over your mouth. It's going to get you killed one day."

He snorted quietly. "Oh, well. At least I'll know that I seriously pissed some people off by the time they decide to off me."

"Yeah, because that's closure," I said sarcastically.

"It is for me."

I laughed and shook my head, rolling back onto my side so I could see Axel's face. He held a hand up in the air and moved it back and forth as he stared at it, his eyes thoughtful.

"Okay," I said and poked him in the side, "now it's your time to spill."

I thought he ignored me because he kept staring at his hand, but then he sighed heavily and let his arm fall down to the bed with a quiet thump. His answer sent a bolt of sadness surging through my body.

"I miss Roxas." His voice was so sad and I could hear the tears lingering just below the surface.

I moaned quietly and moved closer so I could wrap my arms around him. "I know you do, Ax. I know."

"It's not fair! We were _good _in our past lives. We never did anything to hurt anyone unless it was for self-defense. We never killed when we took blood because we usually took it from each other." He punched the bed and choked on a sob. "Why us, Riku? What did we do that was so fucking horrible to deserve this?"

I tightened my arms around him and sighed when he wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my hair to muffle his tears.

"You have no idea how many times I've asked myself that question, Axel," I muttered weakly. "I miss Sora more than anything in the world, but we should have known better than to think that things would work out in our favor. History repeats itself, right?"

He sighed and pulled away from me. He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I don't know anymore, Riku. I really don't."

He stood and went to his suitcase to pull out some clean clothes. When he had a pair of sweaters, boxers, and a tank top in his hands, he crossed the room to the open bathroom door.

"I'm gonna take a shower," he muttered, and then closed himself away in the bathroom.

It took a lot for me to not get up and follow after him, but I knew that he needed to have some time to himself so he could calm down and find his center. I was still shocked from seeing the tears on his face just before the bathroom door had closed behind him, anyway. If I had gone after him, I would have pried and only made the situation worse.

Sighing quietly, I reached over the side of the bed and unzipped my bag so I could grab one of my books. When I found it, I settled down into the bed and opened to the first page. It didn't take long before I was lost in a world of fantasy and mystery, a place that pulled me in and let me forget about reality…if just for a little while.

**o-o-o-o-o**

Being locked away in a hotel with Sephiroth for a day was horrible, but staying locked away in a hotel with him for a week was hell. He refused to let me or Axel leave the building without being accompanied by him and refused to tell us when and where Father was going to open the gate. The bastard strode around the hotel with a pompous air around him and didn't think twice about beating either of us if we said anything about it. By the third day, I was so sick of bandaging Axel's wounds that I refused to let him leave the room whenever Sephiroth was in the main area of the suite.

The day our world crashed down came as a surprise. Axel and I were lying quietly on the bed, each lost in our own books, when Sephiroth strode through our door with a shit eating grin on his face. We closed our books and sat up, and I bit my tongue for Axel in hopes that he would keep his mouth shut.

"I thought I locked that door," the redhead spat, making me groan quietly.

The sound of Sephiroth's laugh made me groan again. He hadn't even made a move to hurt Axel before he'd started to laugh. That only meant one thing. He had bad news for us, which was good news for him.

It was time for us to go home.

"Gather your things. We'll be leaving in ten minutes," Sephiroth said and left the room without another word.

Silence filled the room for a couple of seconds as Axel and I took some time to absorb what was getting ready to happen. When the shock wore off and reality set in, Axel broke the silence in a very Axel-like way.

"Fuck!" He shouted it so loud our neighbors probably could have heard him. "Gods dammit it all! Shit!"

I sighed and put a hand on his arm to catch his attention before he hurt our neighbors' possible virgin ears with anymore curse words. He jumped slightly and turned to look at me with wide, fearful eyes.

"Breathe, Axel. Don't freak out over this, please!"

Axel's eyes grew even wider and he stared to laugh. "Well, excuse me for freaking out over the fact that it's time for us to go home and be killed." His voice was so shrill it made my ears hurt. "I guess it's not really that important, huh?"

He was taking a deep breath so he could say something else when I jumped up and clamped a hand over his mouth. He was saying some rather sensitive things just a little bit too loud, and I didn't want to risk having the neighbors call the cops on us or something because of what they were hearing. He shouted against my hand and tried to wiggle out of my grasp, but I refused to let him go, even when he bit my finger.

"Listen to me, Axel. You can't do this, not now. Later, yes, but not now. Right now we have to be strong. We can't show weakness because they'll take advantage of it, and then we _will_ be killed. Do you want that? Do you really want to die?"

He shook his head, his eyes wide and fearful once again. I glared at him for a couple more seconds before I slowly took my hand away from his mouth.

"We're gonna make it through this, okay?"

He nodded and continued staring at me with those big eyes. I smiled sadly and moved forward so I could hug him. He sighed and returned the embrace almost immediately, clinging to me for dear life.

"We're gonna make it through this," he repeated. "We're gonna do it. We'll make it. We _have _to make it or else all this will have been for nothing."

I pulled away and held his face gently in my hands. "Exactly. We'll do it. As long as we're together, we can do anything."

He smiled and I kissed him gently between the eyes before climbing off the bed to gather my belongings. Axel followed close behind and we packed in silence. We were just zipping our suitcases closed when Sephiroth came back into the room with the same shit eating grin on his face.

"It's time to go."

Axel and I nodded and gathered our luggage before following Sephiroth out of the suite. We retraced the steps we had taken seven days before and entered the limo in silence. The limo was different this time, though. It seemed that Sephiroth had paid to have all of the windows inside the limo blacked out so we could see outside. The only light inside the limo was the small overhead light in the center of the ceiling and the rope lighting of the empty bar. It was kind of creepy.

"Where are we going?" Axel finally asked once we were all settled down into our seats and a quick jerk let us know that the limo was moving.

Sephiroth shrugged and smiled. "You'll find out when we get there," he said in a sing-song voice.

I gulped. Sephiroth _never _used a sing-song voice. Apparently things were going much further away from me and Axel's plans that we could have ever imagined.

The ride continued for another ten minutes in a tense silence. I spent the time trying to center, but for some reason I couldn't feel the warmth and security of that ball of light. Everything was cold. It was almost as if the light knew that the world was getting ready to crash down around my ears.

When the limo pulled to a stop, my breathing was getting rapid. When the chauffer pulled the door open and we were met with nothing but darkness, I felt myself start to be overcome by fear. Axel stood and crouched down on his haunches, moving closer to the door in an attempt to see outside.

"What the fuck, man?! Where are we?" he shouted.

Sephiroth moved closer to me and Axel's end of the limo, taking a seat just behind Axel with a smile. "Welcome home." With that he kicked Axel in the back.

"What the hell?" But then Axel tumbled out the door, through the portal, and was gone.

I stared at the dark opening with wide eyes, just noticing the deep purple and blue lines that moved through the darkness. I don't know how, but Father had turned the door of the limo into the portal back to Kurai. There was no way out of the car without going back home.

"It's your turn, little brother," Sephiroth said before he grabbed onto my arm and hoisted me up out of the seat.

I struggled against his hold as much as I could, but I knew that there was no way to escape.

"Have a good trip." His laugh followed me through the dark void and echoed in my ears as I fell though nothing.

The trip was just as painful as I remembered. It felt like I was being torn apart from the inside. Even though I screamed for Axel as loud as I possibly could, I didn't hear anything leave my mouth and echo in the darkness. Coming to the realization that I was alone, I curled up into a ball and resigned to my fate.

Seconds later, I tumbled out the other side of the door and hit the hard ground with a heavy thump, causing white pain to flash across my closed eyelids. I groaned quietly and held my head in my hands for a couple of seconds before I even dared to try and sit up and examine my surroundings.

I was in Kurai, there was no doubt about that. It was nighttime and the stars twinkled brilliantly in the sky above me. The dull, flickering glow of several fires served as the only other light in the area. When I opened my ears, I could hear the sounds of people talking in hushed voices around me. I didn't notice the sounds of footsteps nearing my body until it was too late, and a harsh kick to my side brought the rest of my senses tumbling back into place.

"Get up!" a deep voice commanded.

"Go to hell," I gasped, clutching my side in pain.

The person kicked me again. "Get up!"

I groaned and curled into a tight ball. I sensed the man's feet shifting on the ground to kick me again and prepared myself for the pain, but another loud and familiar voice erupted over the area before he could nail me again.

"Stand, Riku." When I didn't move, I felt my father's anger grow and engulf me. "_Now_!"

Tendrils of his power wrapped around my arms and lifted my limp body up from the ground. I was barely able to lift my head to watch my father stalk toward me with anger flashing intensely behind his amber eyes. He stopped in front of me and grabbed a handful of my hair, wrenching my face upward so I would look him in the eye.

"Welcome home, son," he sneered.

I narrowed my eyes and managed to gather the strength to spit in his face. "Fuck you," I rasped.

I expected him to lash out at me in anger, but instead he laughed. "Yes, yes. I know. You hate me, I despise you. I'm glad to know that the feeling is still mutual."

I frowned and he laughed again, turning his back on me. I tried to call out to him when he started to walk away, but was cut off when he lifted an arm and snapped his fingers.

A mind-numbing pain erupted across my senses and forced me to cry out. The power that had been holding me aloft earlier broke and sent me tumbling unceremoniously to the ground. My head connected with a sharp rock and white stars of pain flashed across my vision.

The last thought to drift across my conscious mind was one of Sora and how much I loved him, and then I was lost to darkness.

TBC…  
**-------------------------------------------------  
**A/N: Yeah…so you all probably hate me right now. _::hides::_ Sorry, but that was as good a place to end it as anywhere else… I really do hate writing Seph as such an evil character. Other than that, I really don't have much else to say about this chapter except…_DAMN!!_ A _lot_ of stuff happened in this chapter…stuff that will shape the story for the better and for the worse… And most of that stuff happened once Riku landed on his ass back in Kurai…

I want to thank everyone who reviewed last chapter, and those of you who continue to give me your feedback and support. It really means a lot to me. I love you all! _::hugs::_…

I'm sorry for any typos and grammar errors. It's hard to edit something nine pages long while you're being distracted by a kid asking for food and wanting to have a sword fight…LoL…

OH!! I have another name drop for a movie...If you haven't seen _Pan's Labyrinth_, you totally should. OMFG!! It's freakin' _amazing_. It's kinda sorta like a twisted adult fairy tale and is also focused on the Spanish Civil War in the 1940s. Yes, that means it's in Spanish…and it's rathergory. It also has the best monster I have ever seen in a movie. I call it…Baby-Eater. It really doesn't have a name, but there are pictures of it eating babies on the walls of the room, so yeah… Original, huh? LoL…

KINDA SORTA IMPORTANT NEWS!! LoL. Yeah, there's a good possibility that I'm going to be heading back home to New York on Sunday for a week. It shouldn't be too bad, but I dunno how much time I'm going to have to write and there's a good chance that I won't have Internet unless I have a second to jump onto my grandma's computer. _::sighs::_ For readers of "Solitude"...I'm gonna try my damnedest to get the next chapter done and uploaded by Saturday. If that happens, there's a good chance it won't be edited unless it's just a quick skim edit, but let's hope I can do it anyway. LoL...

Well…with that, I guess that's all I have to say. Until next chapter, adieu…


	5. Chapter Three: Countdown

GAH! I'm sorry that it's so late guys. There's really no excuse except writer's block. This chapter just didn't not want to work with me until a few days ago. _::sighs::_ I hope you all can forgive me!!...

Anyway... Back to Sora's POV. Yay! It was nice to get a glimpse into what was going on with Riku and Axel, but now it's back to normal. This chapter is where things will start to pick up in Sora's POV, I promise! I know that his chapters have been kind of lame so far, and I'm sorry about that!…

Enjoy!!…

WARNINGS: language…

**Disclaimer: **the characters and worlds of _Kingdom Hearts_ belong to Square Enix and Disney…

"…_This is the countdown  
__They say our time is running out  
__I tried to stay above the waterline  
__But never taking off the weights that_

_Keep us stuck here  
__In the comfort, and the fear  
__I'll never know what we were fighting for  
__But I'm still looking to breakout…"_

—"_This is the Countdown" Mae…_

**Chapter Three:  
Countdown…**

A week managed to pass Roxas and me by without much excitement. School was school, and life was life. Nothing was new and nothing really changed. The only strange thing was that Mister Shauver kept a stronger eye on me and Roxas than before, especially after the talk we had had. I wanted to talk to Roxas to see if he noticed it as well, but I tried not to worry about it too much. He was probably just keeping an eye out for any signs of recurring depression out of me or something "teacherly" like that.

Every night, me, Roxas and Maho would sit down to devour a homemade meal. Maho had become quite the cook over the past couple of weeks. When we asked what her secret was, she glared at us viciously and swore that she had always been a wonderful cook. A few days later, Roxas and I caught her reading a new cookbook in the living room after school and we hadn't let her live it down since.

There was no changing the fact that I felt horrible about the fact that we were going to be leaving her behind in only a few days. I still wanted to get her a pet, but didn't want to bring the late night conversation up with Roxas until he did it first. Hell, I who knew if he had even been fully awake when we had agreed to get her an animal. He'd probably been talking in his sleep or something.

So, it was to my own surprise that Roxas led me in the opposite direction from our house one day when school let out. I frowned and cocked my head to the side, thinking about pointing out that he was going the wrong direction, but kept my mouth shut and followed him instead. After a few minutes of walking deeper and deeper into the town in silence, though, I figured I should find out what was going on.

"Hey, Rox…"

The blonde glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes and arched his eyebrow. "Hmmm…?"

I bit my lip and laced my hands behind me back. "Uhh…where are we going?"

He shrugged. "You wanted to get Maho a pet, didn't you?" I nodded. "Well, I figured we should do it before it's too late. It's already Tuesday."

I nodded again and sighed heavily. He was right. It _was _Tuesday, which meant that there were only three days until our birthday. Three days until we would get the letter that spelled out our doom. Three days until we would have to leave everything we knew behind us. I had tried my hardest not to think about it after Riku and Axel had had to leave, but now that it was so close the impending day seemed to be the only thing that drifted through my mind.

"What do you think we should get her?" Roxas muttered, yanking me out of my thoughts.

"Hmmm…" I frowned and closed my eyes to think, using Roxas' presence by my side to guide me down the busy sidewalk. "Well, it would be nice to get her a puppy or something, but I don't think she would want something that'll grow up to be big. I was thinking along the lines of a cat or small dog or something."

Roxas nodded. "Yeah, a cat sounds good. I think she would like a cat."

I opened my eyes and glanced at Roxas out of the corner of my eye, my frown deepening at the blank look in his eyes as he stared straight ahead of him. He was acting strange, and once I thought about it, I noticed that he had been acting strange since we had left school. He was awfully distant. Well, more distant than usual, at least.

"What's going on, Rox?" I muttered, poking him imploringly in the side.

He shrugged and kept his dead eyes glued to the people walking in front of us. Sighing, I turned around and started to walk backwards so I could look him directly in the face. His eyes flashed to me briefly, but then he blinked and he was staring in front of him again. Needless to say, his silence and the distance he was starting to force between us were starting to piss me off.

Stopping in my tracks, I grabbed onto Roxas' arm and pulled him to the nearest bench that sat outside of one of the businesses. He struggled for a minute, but was compliant by the time I shoved him down onto the bench and sat down beside him. I made sure to keep a good grip on his wrist, though, just in case he wanted to try and run off.

"What the hell is going on, Roxas?"

He opened his mouth to say something, but seemed to think better about it, as he closed it and shook his head. I frowned and furrowed my brow in frustration.

"Don't lie to me. I don't want you to hide anything from me anymore, okay? You're not the only one in this. I'm with you and I deserve to know what's going on as much as you do."

Roxas sighed heavily and closed his eyes, resting his head against the brick building behind us.

"I'm sorry," he muttered after what felt like an eternity of tense silence. "I just…" He sighed and opened his eyes to glance at me. "I owe you an apology and an explanation, both of which I'd feel more comfortable giving you in private."

I frowned for a moment, but then nodded, a small smile twitching at my lips. "Alright, fine. We'll talk tonight, then."

He nodded. "Okay."

I laughed and stood from the bench, turning to him with a smile on my face. "I'm gonna hold you to that, you know?" He nodded and I laughed again. "Good."

Roxas rolled his eyes and pushed himself up from his seat, and we started our walk toward the pet store once again. The walk was silent but I could feel that a heavy weight had been lifted from Roxas' shoulders. His eyes weren't so glazed over anymore and he laughed or rolled his eyes whenever I pointed something trivial out.

I couldn't even possibly begin to fathom what had been on Roxas' mind to weigh him down so much. It must have been something bad, though. I had never seen him so tense in my life, and it was kind of scary. He knew more than I did about the goings-ons of Akari and Kurai, so only the gods knew what the problem could be. I could only hope that he would be truthful with me once the time came around for us to talk.

Roxas came to such a sudden stop in front of me that I would have run into him had I not been coming out of my thoughts. I blinked and looked around to see where we were, a small smile blossoming across my face when I saw a small litter of puppies yipping happily behind a window.

I loved animals, always had. I always had fish and such when I was little, usually ones that I had won at the country fair. Bojangles was my first real pet. Mom had gotten him for me as a sort of reconciliation one of the times she had beat me. I sighed as I thought about my Black lab. I missed him so much and wished I knew where the police had taken him. For some reason, they wouldn't say. It was frustrating, but I could only hope that it was for the best.

"Ready?" I said and nudged Roxas playfully in the side.

When he didn't move, I frowned and stole a glance at his face. It wasn't good. His eyes were glazed over once again, but this time instead of a void of emotion, they were shining in sadness.

"You okay?"

He sighed and nodded, shaking his head to pull himself out of his thoughts. "Yeah," he muttered sadly. "I was just wondering if Maho was allergic to cats. All these years I've been living with her and I don't know."

I frowned and cocked my head to the side to study his sad face for a moment before I sighed and let my shoulders slump.

"You worry too much," I whispered and wrapped an arm around his waist. "Maho will love a cat. And if she's allergic… Well, they make medicine for that kind of stuff nowadays."

He was quiet for a little longer, but then started to laugh. I smiled at the sound and tightened my arm around his waist.

"Come on," I laughed and dragged him into the pet store. "Let's do this thing."

**o-o-o-o-o**

Three hours and what felt like a million different cats eliminated, Roxas and I finally emerged from the pet store laden down with bags of supplies and a small kennel. Inside the kennel was quite possibly the cutest cat I had ever seen in my entire life. He was an orange tiger cat, with white and yellow stripes. The shop's owner had said that he was almost a year old, but it was hard to believe. The poor thing was just bigger than a kitten.

"Maho is going to _love _him!" I exclaimed as we started the walk home.

Roxas laughed and peeked into the kennel's door. A meow sounded from somewhere in the kennel, and he laughed again.

"I hope she does," he said. "This little bastard was expensive."

I rolled my eyes, but couldn't hold in my laughter. As much as Roxas would complain about the price of the cat and all of the supplies that had come with him in the future, I knew that he felt at least a little bit better about leaving Maho now that she would have a companion.

The rest of the walk home passed in a companionable silence, broken only by random meows from the inner confines of the kennel and our quiet laughter in response.

We were graced with good luck for the first time in what felt like years when we got to the house and saw that Maho had yet to arrive home from work. Seeing that we didn't know exactly when she would get home from work, though, Roxas and I hurriedly got to work with setting up the surprise.

We let the cat roam freely around the house while we set the kennel and all of the other purchases up around it, making sure we could cover everything up with a blanket without screwing with the set-up. Somehow we managed to get it to work on the first try.

"She's home!" Roxas cried as the sound a car door closing echoed outside.

I sighed and ran a hand back through my hair, but a quiet meow sent all of the tension rushing back into my body.

"She's home, but where's the cat?!"

"What do you mean 'where's the cat'?!"

I gestured to the area around us with my arms. "I mean exactly what it sounds like!"

Roxas groaned and ran into the foyer as the handle was turning on the front door. "I'll stall her. You try and find the cat. Hurry!"

I nodded and started a vicious search of the living room. I had heard the cat meow, so it couldn't have gotten too far. I searched the living room three times, but could find the stupid thing so I decided that an expanded search was needed.

Peeked my head out of the living room to see that Roxas and Maho were nowhere in sight, but I could hear their voices echoing from somewhere upstairs. Sighing, I darted across the foyer and into the kitchen. And there he was. The little bastard was just sitting in the kitchen window, basking in the sunlight.

"Comere, you asshole," I muttered and grabbed the cat gently from the window.

When he meowed and looked up at me with those big green eyes of his, I knew that there was no way in hell that I was going to be able to stay mad at him. I smiled and rubbed one of his ears playfully before I headed back out into the foyer.

"Hey, Roxas!"

There was a small bang and quiet curse before Roxas peeked his head around the corner of the stairs. "Yeah?"

I held the cat up and smiled. "The cat's in the bag."

Almost immediately, Roxas started to laugh and lost his grip on the wall, tumbling down onto the floor with a loud thud. It didn't make him stop laughing, though. If anything, it only made him laugh harder.

"It wasn't that funny," I muttered dourly, hurrying to hide the cat behind my back as Maho rushed onto the scene.

"What's going on?" she asked. "Why's Roxas laughing so hard? Why are your hands behind your back? What are you hiding? You're not going to kill me are you?" But then she started to laugh, and I followed, albeit awkwardly. I didn't even understand what was so funny in the first place.

It took a few minutes, but we managed to get ourselves under control, even though Maho still fell plague to a short giggle fit every couple of seconds. Roxas pushed himself up from the ground, wiping tears away from his cheeks as he descended the stairs so he could stand beside me.

"We got you something!" he exclaimed, beckoning to Maho and heading for the living room. "Come on."

"Oh! A present!"

Maho ran down the stairs faster than should have been humanly possible and plopped down onto the couch. I followed after her slowly, trying my hardest to hold onto the wiggling cat.

"Close your eyes and hold out your hands."

Maho did as she was told and I carefully set the cat down into her open palms. Her eyes grew to almost the size of platters when she opened them. I was afraid that it was because she was terrified of the cat, but then she squealed and I knew that it was only because she had been surprised.

"You all got me a cat?" She stroked the cat behind the ears and looked up at us with a smile on her face. "Thank you, guys."

Roxas shrugged. "It was nothing."

I snorted and pulled the blanket away from the top of the kennel, revealing the other things we had gotten her. Maho squealed again and stood from the couch to give each of us hugs, still holding the cat in her hand.

"Awww, guys. You didn't have to."

Roxas shrugged again and I laughed. "Yeah, we did. We…just didn't want you to be alone while we were gone."

"You're not allergic, are you?" Roxas said suddenly.

Maho laughed and shook her head, patting Roxas lovingly on the shoulder. "No, but even if I was I wouldn't care. I've always wanted a cat."

Roxas sighed and his entire body seemed to slump in on itself. "Good."

Maho laughed again and kissed the top of Roxas head as she held him in a half embrace. "Seriously, though. You guys worry too much. I would have been fine."

"Yeah, but knowing that you won't be completely alone gives us a little peace of mind."

I nodded and smiled. "What're you gonna name it?"

She frowned and cocked her head to the side, watching the little cat in her hands for a few seconds before she smiled. "Downy."

"Downy?" Roxas muttered, his brow furrowed.

She nodded happily and kissed the purring Downy between the ears. "Yeah. You know? Like the fabric softener. His fur is so soft. My sweaters only feel this soft if I remember to put a Downy sheet into the dryer. So yeah… He's Downy."

Roxas shook his head and I swear that I heard him mutter something along the lines of "that woman is crazy" before he plopped down into the armchair beside the couch. I laughed and took a seat on the couch along with Maho.

Silence reigned throughout the house for a while as we each really started to think about the reason behind Downy's place in the house. It was February twenty-sixth, which meant that there were only three days left until our eighteenth birthday. And for some reason it felt like having Downy in the family now meant that me and Roxas' fates were sealed. It meant that we _were _going to get the letter in the near future and that we _were_ going to have to run. Getting Downy for Maho had dashed all of our hopes of ever thinking that we weren't going to get the letter.

"So…what now?" I muttered once the silence started to suffocate me.

"Well…," Maho said. "I suppose I should make something for us to eat. It wouldn't do any good to starve you boys after you were so nice to me today."

I laughed and shook my head, happily taking Downy from Maho when she handed him to me. The little cat curled up into a ball in my lap and played with some of the frays on my jeans.

"Just make sure you don't blow up the house," Roxas called after Maho as she walked out of the living room.

"Sorry. I can't make any promises."

He sighed and rolled his eyes. I laughed and absentmindedly stroked Downy's fur as silence retook its place in the room around us. After a few minutes, though, Roxas sighed heavily and pushed himself up from the armchair.

"Come on," he said and headed out of the living room. "I made a promise earlier that I intend to keep."

I hopped out of the chair and followed after Roxas as he started up the stairs, still carrying Downy in my arms. There was a good possibility that Roxas would bitch about me bring the cat up with us, but I was afraid to let it roam the house again. He probably would have only wandered into the kitchen to be with Maho, but I didn't want to take any chances.

Surprisingly, though, Roxas didn't say anything about the cat. His eyes flicked briefly down to the mass of orange fur in my arms when I walked into his room, but he closed the door instead of saying anything. Keeping his silence, he crossed his room and sat down on his bed, gesturing silently to the place beside him for me to take a seat. I did as he bade without argument, setting Downy down on the floor once I took my seat.

Roxas' deep breath was the only warning I got before he started talking.

"I owe you an apology for more things than I can possibly count. For lying to you, for hiding things from you, for not being there for you when you needed me, and so much more. And…" He sighed and closed his eyes, taking a second to compose himself before he spoke again. "And I know that you know that it was mainly because it's part of my nature. I don't want to share my problems if I think that I can handle them on my own because I don't want to feel like I'm a burden to anyone.

"But…" He sighed again. "But in the process of keeping the problems of Akari and Kurai away from you for so long, I managed to convince myself that I was perfectly capable of handling everything on my own. Even once you had your awakening and finally came into your memories of the past, I continued to hide things from you because I felt like I could handle it. I mean, I remember thinking 'I handled everything on my own for two years, so why should that change now?' And it was stupid."

He paused and flopped backwards onto his bed. I frowned and moved so I was sitting cross-legged with a good view of his face. His eyes were blank and glued to the ceiling, and seeing that only made my frown worsen.

"It wasn't stupid, Rox. It was _you_. I know that you don't like burdening people and I know how hard it is for you to break old habits. I should have known that it would take longer than a few weeks for it to finally sink in that I _do_ remember and that I _am_ here for you to talk to about the affairs between Akari and Kurai." I sighed. "Two years was a long time for you to have to keep all of that stuff to yourself."

He nodded. "Yeah, but I still don't know why I continued to hide things from you whenever you pried. There's no glory or good feeling that comes out of shouldering all of these things, so it wasn't because I was going to be winning a prize. Maybe it is because it's so hard for me to get used to change."

I laughed. "Yeah. I mean, you're the walking advertisement for the phrase 'Old habits die hard.'"

He chuckled and I laughed again, and then the room fell silent. The silence made me edgy. I wanted to know more. I knew that Roxas had more to say, but I didn't want him to feel like I was being overly pushy. He was going way out of his comfort zone to finally sit down and talk to me, and I didn't want to risk making him stop. If we didn't talk about this now, who knew when we would have another chance?

"Things between Akari and Kurai…aren't good," Roxas finally muttered.

"What's new?"

He laughed quietly and shook his head. "Well, I guess that's the truth, but things are worse than usual. Akari has been trying miserably to hold onto peace, while Kurai has reached the end of their straw and has started to prepare an army. It won't be long before Kurai launches their first attack. The sad thing is, our people will never expect it because Ansem is doing the same gods damned thing he did in the past."

"He's using his magick to convince the villagers that nothing is out of place," I said incredulously. "Didn't he learn his lesson last time?"

Roxas shrugged. "I guess not. But if he doesn't do _something_ soon, it'll be too late. Everyone in Akari will be killed and it will all be DiZ's fault. He'll be the worst mass murderer in history and he won't even have to touch a weapon."

"Well, isn't there something we can do? I mean, what if we don't run and we go back to Akari willingly. There must be something we can do once we get back there. We could break Ansem's spell over the people, or try to appeal to the Source… There has to be something!" But I knew that there was nothing.

He shook his head. "We've already talked about this, Sora."

"I know!" I shouted. "We'll be locked away if we go back and we'll have our powers bound. But…hell, I don't even _have_ anything to be bound. Whatever magick I had a thousand years ago has completely disappeared from my body. I've tried so hard to heal, but nothing comes. And I've lost control of the elements and the other magick that I mastered while I was in training to become an Elder. It's all just…gone."

I sighed heavily and let my body slump in on itself. Without my magick, I was nothing. Akari and Kurai were worlds that thrived on magick and spells. Almost every child was born with an elemental ability that helped to shape their personality as they grew older.

Those born with Fire usually grew up to very vibrant and creative people. They were so confident in themselves that sometimes it was easily confused with arrogance. If pissed off they were quick to raise their temper, and they made incredibly fierce warriors. Case in point for this element was Axel. Larxene, Organization XIII's number twelve, was also considered a fire wielder, though she controlled lightning and couldn't produce a flame for her life.

Those born with Water usually grew up to be intuitive and in touch with their emotions. They were confident in themselves (but not overly so) and held their friendships in high-esteem. Water wielders didn't like to fight, even when it came down to the wire and they had to. The easiest example for this element was Demyx, Organization XIII's number nine. He lived and breathed water, all the way down to the dislike to fighting. Vexen, Organization XIII's number four, was a water wielder, even though he seemed to be one of Air at heart.

Those born strong in Air usually grew up to be very intellectual and curious about anything and everything. They had vivid imaginations and were some of the most brilliant writers and artists, and were more inclined toward solitude. They were brilliant fighters because of their ability to anticipate their opponent's next move, and geniuses at organizing plans of attack in the tent. Xaldin, Organization XIII's number three was an extremely powerful air wielder.

Last but not least, there were those born strong in Earth. They grew to be very calm and centered individuals. The easiest way to pin point one of Earth was whether or not they were vegetarian, as they were very health conscious people. They liked themselves and their possessions to be neat and orderly, almost to the point of obsessive-compulsion. They don't particularly enjoy fighting, but are fierce when the moment comes for them to battle. Lexaeus, Organization XIII's number five, was a brutal earth wielder.

There were, of course, other powers out there that a person could learn to control. Some were even born with them. There were the powers to control darkness, light, gravity, and time. There was also the power of healing, which was usually only granted to the purest of all souls.

There was also the rare case of someone being born without a certain element. Zexion, Organization XIII's number six, was one of those such people. His attitude and way of life screamed Air, but the element wasn't alive in his system. He was just an extremely smart person who loved to learn and enjoyed solitude. That was it.

One could also learn to harness all of the elements and controls through a Master. It took many years of work, but the payoff was amazing. Anyone could learn to control gravity and time. To be able to control all of the elements—including darkness and light—you had to be born with the ability to control one of them. Then you could use that element to connect yourself to the other elements through meditation and centering. If you didn't have an element to guide you, you could lose yourself completely in meditation and never return to your body. There were those who tried, and those poor souls quickly found themselves drifting hopelessly through time and space for the rest of eternity. Their bodies stayed alive, but their souls were never able to find their ways back home.

Healing was a gift certain people were born with. You couldn't learn to control the power through a book or a Master. Most born with the power of healing were prophesized, as I had been, for being pure of heart and soul. If they changed and became corrupt, the power would leave them and they would have nothing. Only the best control the healing magick. For everyone else, it controlled them.

Roxas' heavy sigh pulled me roughly out of my thoughts and back into reality. He was still lying on his bed, but now he was surveying my face carefully instead of watching the ceiling. It was kind of unnerving, and I couldn't help but wonder just how long he had been staring at me without me noticing.

"You can't even heal?" he muttered weakly.

I shook my head and swore that I heard him utter "Shit!" under his breath. "Is that a bad thing?"

He shrugged and pushed himself into a sitting position. "Not necessarily. It just means that your awakening hasn't been completed yet. You still know how to control everything deep inside. The door just hasn't been opened yet. Once that door is opened, you'll know it. Trust me." He tacked a smile onto the end, though I think it was more for good measure than anything.

"You've discovered yours then?"

He nodded and held out his hand, producing a small ball of flame in his palm. Effortlessly and seamlessly he changed the ball into water, a chunk of ice, earth, and finally a swirling ball of air which he dispersed by closing his hand into a fist.

"It's been two years since I regained my memories," he muttered. "I'd be pretty hopeless if I still had yet to come into my magick."

I sighed heavily and slumped my shoulders. "How long did it take you to finally be able to control them all again?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. A month or so, I guess."

"Great," I grumbled and flopped back onto his bed. "That's a month we don't have, and who knows when I'll finally remember them again."

"Well, there is the chance that they'll all come back to you at the same time. I mean, usually it's only one element or spell at a time, but you could be a rare case." He smiled. "The gods know that you've broken all our laws of nature with everything else, so why not this too?"

I shrugged. "I just hope that they come sooner than later. We both know that they'll be useful to have once we start to run. Who knows how often we'll have to camp out in an alleyway or something? It would be nice to have protection of some sort."

Roxas laughed and ruffled my hair gently. "We'll be fine. I promise. Just as long as we stick together, nothing will be able to hurt us."

I tried my hardest to smile happily, but it must have looked fake because Roxas smiled sadly and looked away. I sighed. I don't know why, but I just couldn't believe him for some reason. Nothing ever went as planned in my life. We both already knew that we were only delaying the inevitable by running, but we just couldn't come up with any other plans.

"Dinner's ready!"

The sudden sound of Maho's voice echoing up the stairs made Roxas and I both jump. We looked at each other and laughed edgily before Roxas stood from the bed and led the way to the door. Downy meowed happily and darted out of the room before either of us could even get a foot out. He was lying lazily in the kitchen window when Roxas and I finally made it to the dining room.

"I hope you boys are hungry 'cause I made burgers," Maho said happily as she settled down into her seat.

"Starving," Roxas said appreciatively and headed for his own chair.

The sound of my stomach growling was answer enough as I rushed to my seat so I could fix my plate. I hadn't really been all that hungry while Roxas and I had been talking, but now that I was faced with food, I was starved.

Once we had each fixed our plates and started eating, easy conversation filled the dining room. Maho went on about how aggravating one of the woman she worked with was, while Roxas and I told her about our day at school. We all made sure to stay away from the topic of our impending birthday. It would only make the conversation sad and we wanted to enjoy the rest of the time we had together as much as we could. Who knew how long it would be before we would have the chance to be a family again?

When dinner was done the three of us gravitated toward the living room to check up on the news and make halfhearted attempts at playing Jeopardy. Maho was surprisingly good at the game and left Roxas and I in the dust. Things like that made me wonder if she was really dense, of if she was just pretending. I didn't know what she could possibly be acting for, though.

Faster than I could have imagined, eleven o'clock was rolling around and Maho was shooing Roxas and me up to our bedrooms so we could get some rest. We didn't necessarily have a bedtime, per say. I just think it gave Maho a little more peace of mind to know that we were at least trying to settle down so we could get a good night's sleep.

I wasn't surprised when Roxas stuck his head into my room a few minutes after disappearing into his own bedroom. I smiled at his questioning face and held the blankets up on my bed as an invitation for him to join me. He returned the smile and quietly shut the door behind him. He sighed heavily when he sank into the bed beside me, a smile still lingering on his lips.

"Thanks for opening up a little bit today," I said as I sunk down into the blankets.

He shrugged and rolled onto his side so he was facing me. "No, thank _you_ for listening to me. You deserved to know everything beforehand, and I'm sorry that it took so long for me to finally talk."

I laughed and flicked him gently on the nose. "You know that I know you better than that. I knew that you would talk. You just had to find the right time to do it, was all."

"Yeah, I guess," he said through a yawn. "I still feel kinda like a shitty brother for taking so long."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever."

He laughed and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me close. "I'm gonna miss this," he whispered into my hair.

I sighed and snuggled into the embrace, draping an arm around his waist as well. "Yeah, so am I. It's not like it's the last time, though."

"Yeah, well…soon enough we'll be reunited with Riku and Axel again and you won't need me for comfort at night anymore."

I frowned at the tone of his voice. He sounded so sad. I tilted my head back so I could look at his face, but his eyes were closed. A small frown tugged at the corners of his lips, though.

Sighing, I kissed him softly on the cheek before settling back down into his arms. "I'll always need you for comfort at night, Roxas."

"Mmhm…" he muttered sleepily.

"No, I'm serious. You've always been the one I went to when it came time for bed. I mean, I spent more nights in with you in your bed than I did in my own."

Roxas laughed, squeezing me slightly. "Hey, Sora?"

I frowned. "Yeah?"

"Go to sleep."

I snorted quietly at the command, but when I finally closed my eyes, I found that sleep had been waiting patiently for me. Before I knew it, I was waltzing through dreamland with Riku, Roxas, Axel, and everyone else I cared about back at my side.

It was through the dreams where I was reunited with everyone that I drew my strength and found the peace to make it through another day. The dreams spoke promises of a new life once the war was over, and I allowed myself to be enchanted by them. Call me foolish, but keeping my mind on the promises of a better world helped me to believe that we would make it through the war and hope for the best.

And hope was all that we really had left.

TBC…  
**------------------------------------------------------------  
**A/N: So…there was a little bit of plot movement in this chapter. Roxas finally broke down and had a talk with Sora. Yeah, there were holes and things left out, but I'm glad that I was able to finally add the whole magick element into the story. I apologize for using the organization member's numbers, but I knew that I hadn't mentioned any members aside from Demyx, Zexion and Xemnas (of course) in "Awakening". As such, I wanted to make Sora's explanation about them seem as if you had never heard of them before. Anyway…sorry again if I bored you…

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! I'm glad that you guys enjoyed that little peek into Riku's mind again as much as I did. Hehe…_::hugs to all::_…

Well…I really don't have much else to say about this chapter, so I'm gonna leave it off here…

Until next chapter, adieu…


	6. Chapter Four: Happy Birthday

Soooo….I have a feeling that there will be some weirdness in this chapter, and at least one mention of Harry Potter. LoL. Sorry, but I gotta pay my respects to the ending of one of my favorite series of books of all time…

The song I use in this chapter isn't particularly the best, mainly because it's about gettin' drunk and havin' sex, but…_::shrugs::_…Who knows? Maybe they _will_ get drunk and have sex. I said that I had a feeling that there'll be some weirdness, and that definitely qualifies. Hehe…

Also…I owe many, many thanks to **Nathan** and **Travis** for helping me with the last few pages of this chapter while Glo-Bowling. They listened to my late night complaining and then proceeded to help me come up with some ideas for things that could happen. I never thought that I would say it (because it's pretty damn near impossible), but those boys managed to keep me sane. And thanks for keeping me sane on my birthday, too. LoL. You guys rock!!…

Enjoy!…

WARNINGS: language, weirdness…

**Disclaimer:** the characters and worlds to _Kingdom Hearts_ belong to Square Enix and Disney…Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling…

"…_Happy birthday  
__It's my birthday and it's your birthday  
__So let's go party tonight  
__Happy birthday  
__It's my birthday and it's your birthday  
__So let's go party tonight  
__Happy birthday…"_

—"_Birthday" The Prom Kings…_

**Chapter Four:  
****Happy Birthday…**

Sometimes I think it should be illegal for someone to not look forward to their birthday. Especially their eighteenth. I mean, come on! The eighteenth birthday was supposed to mean something, wasn't it? The sad end of adolescence and the terrifying jump into adulthood. It meant that the high school years were quickly drawing to a close and a new life was just getting started. It was the time in a person's life when responsibility was placed upon their shoulders. If they were going to call themselves adults, then it was time they start acting like one, I guess.

Roxas and I, unfortunately, had none of the joys of reaching the ripe old age. The second we woke in the morning, we were filled with an indescribable feeling of dread. It was Friday, February twenty-ninth. It was our eighteenth birthday. And it sucked.

We laid in bed beside each other in silence for what felt like hours, just staring at the ceiling, lost in our own thoughts of what was going to happen once the day came to a close.

I couldn't help but wonder if the letter was going to come. Or had it already arrived? Was it sitting on the dining room table, mixed in with the rest of the mail? Or had Maho already sorted through the mail and, seeing Roxas' or my name on it, set it away from the rest of the stack so we would see it when we went downstairs? I could only imagine.

Sighing, I moved so I was sitting cross-legged on the bed and watched Roxas' face. He didn't show any reaction. His eyes continued to stare unblinkingly at the ceiling, almost as if he had forgotten that he was lying in bed with me. But then he _did_ blink and he turned his eyes briefly to the side so he could look at me.

"Happy birthday," he muttered halfheartedly, returning his gaze to the ceiling.

I snorted and rolled my eyes, but couldn't resist flinging myself down on top of him in a giant hug. He yelped and struggled underneath me. When he found out that I wasn't going to budge, he dipped his fingers beneath the hem of my nightshirt and attacked my sides with his fingers.

"Geroff me!" I shouted between laughter, trying to escape Roxas' ruthless fingers.

He shook his head. "Only if you'll get off me!"

"Never!" I shouted and helped my fingers find their ways beneath Roxas' shirt so I could return the attack.

We were a laughing mass of limbs, writhing madly across my bed in attempts to get away from each other. One particularly hard shove from Roxas pushed me too close to the end of the bed and we both tumbled to the ground with yelps.

I landed first, and unfortunately, Roxas landed directly on top of me, shoving whatever air I had had left in my lungs out of my body. I gasped loudly and struggled to get away from him, but his hands hand gripped my upper arms after his fall and held them tightly to the ground. All I could do was wriggle back and forth futilely.

"_Roxas_…" I whined, bucking my hips upwards in an attempt to throw him off.

He groaned loudly and a gust of hot breath tickled my neck and sent a shiver rippling through my body. I froze. Immediately. My eyes were wide and I could feel a hot blush creeping up from my neck as he lifted his head, but I held it down. Our faces were so close that I could feel his breath ghosting across my cheeks. I stared straight into his eyes, losing myself in endless pools of blue. I was sure that he was doing the same. I lost control of the redness and a warm blush spread across my cheeks. I gulped loudly.

Roxas coughed and scrambled away from me quickly, jumping to his feet and running a hand through his hair awkwardly. He paced back and forth across the room, while I couldn't even manage to gather the wits to stand from where I was sprawled, my pajama shirt pushed halfway up my torso to reveal my stomach.

"I-I'm gonna go downstairs and help Maho with…whatever," he said and was out of the room in a blink of an eye.

I continued to lie on the ground in confusion for at least another five minutes. That was…weird. No, weird wasn't even strong enough to explain how that had been, how it had felt. Strangely, it had felt right, but…it was so _wrong_ in so many different ways. Roxas and I were _brothers_, and we had almost just broken so many different laws that it wasn't even funny.

But, as I thought about it, I remembered that we technically weren't brothers. We had different mothers and different fathers. The only thing we had in common internally was that we each held a piece of the others soul. Then again, if sharing a soul didn't make us related in a way, I didn't know what did.

Sighing in confusion and aggravation, I finally pushed myself up from the ground and managed to gather enough clean clothes from the mess in my closet to make a decent outfit for the day. I shuffled out of my bedroom and into the bathroom, where I took a quick shower before I finally managed to make my way downstairs, lured by the sweet smells of French toast and bacon.

Maho was busy behind the stove when I walked into the kitchen, flipping bacon and trying not to trip over a meowing Downy who refused to get away from her feet. Roxas was no where to be seen, which was sort of a relief given the predicament we had found ourselves in earlier.

"G'morning, sleepy head!" Maho smiled when she saw me standing in the archway that led into the kitchen. "Sleep well?"

I shrugged and plopped down into one of the stools around the island in the center of the kitchen, grabbing a glass and pouring some orange juice from the pitcher on the counter into it.

Maho laughed. "You and Roxas are just a talkative bunch this morning, aren't you? Roxas wouldn't even look at me when he came down here a bit ago."

I sighed after taking a long gulp from the glass and set it back on the counter. "Where is he?"

She frowned and turned to look at me, yelping loudly when Downy jumped into the air like a spider monkey and latched onto her pants' leg. She hopped around the kitchen and gave the cat enough time to crawl up to her waistline before she finally pried him away from her and set him back onto the floor.

"Where's who?" she muttered, keeping a cautious eye on the cat and a curious eye on me. "Roxas?"

I took another drink from my glass and gave her a "Who the hell else could I be talking about?" look. She laughed awkwardly and shrugged.

"I dunno. I think I heard the water running upstairs. Maybe he's taking a shower?"

"Yeah, maybe," I muttered and started to search through the small pile of mail that sat beside me on the counter.

There were bills, bills, and more bills for Maho. A magazine full of junk that no one in their right mind would buy. A postcard featuring the faces of three different missing children. Junk, junk, junk… I threw each piece of mail back onto the counter until I was left with nothing in my hands.

A heavy sigh that seemed to come all the way from my toes slipped out before I could control it. It wasn't there. The letter hadn't come in the mail. It wasn't coming today!

Quiet laughter across the kitchen made me jump and look up, only to see that Roxas was walking into the room. He raised an eyebrow as he slid onto the stool beside me, pouring himself a glass of orange juice.

"You really thought they were going to send it postal?" he muttered after taking a sip.

I frowned. "Oh, come on. How else are they gonna send it?" He shrugged and continued to drink his juice. "Don't tell me they're gonna go Harry Potter on us and send it by owl or something." He shrugged again and proceeded to ignore me, making me want to punch him but I made sure to hold back in front of Maho.

"I'm not gonna tell you how it comes. Everyone has a different reaction, so I'm anxious to see your face."

I narrowed my eyes and tightened my knuckles reflexively at my sides. "I thought you weren't supposed to be hiding things from me anymore," I whispered through clenched teeth.

He shrugged. "I'm not hiding anything from you, Sora. It's _supposed_ to be a surprise. Hell, who knows if Xemnas even uses the same methods as he used to anymore?"

I sighed and let my body relax, even though I still wasn't very happy with the way Roxas was acting. I had a feeling that he knew how the letter was going to come, just like he knew everything else. He was just hiding it from me in an attempt to get some laughs or something.

"Breakfast is done!" Maho exclaimed happily and set a platter full of French toast and bacon onto the middle of the island, as well as some syrup, butter, plates, and silverware.

Pushing my frustration with Roxas aside for the moment, I grabbed a plate and loaded it with plenty of French toast and a couple pieces of bacon. I fixed my meal and ate it in silence, ignoring the small, "sly" glances Roxas continually sent my way. I partially hoped that he was feeling bad for not telling me about how our letter would arrive, but deep down I knew that he was just watching me for the sake of watching me. I know that I probably should have thought that it was strange, but I was used to it. He had watched me ever since I could remember.

Breakfast passed in mostly silence, as had every meal lately. Sometimes the silence was aggravating, but at other times, like right then, it was the best thing in the world. The only noise outside of our chewing was Downy's quiet meowing and random hisses from Maho when the cat latched onto her pants again.

Maho took our plates when we were done and dropped them into the sink. I stood and started to help her, but she grabbed the plate out of my hands, smiling at me when I looked at her in question.

"You boys better start heading for school or else you'll be late," she said.

Roxas groaned and hit his head against the counter. "Oh, come on! It's our birthday. Do we hafta go?"

Maho snorted and rolled her eyes. "Yes, you have to go. I didn't raise you to be a dropout."

He picked up his head and glared at his mother, but she shoved it off with a small smile. Still glaring, Roxas pushed himself up from the stool and left the kitchen in silence. I offered Maho a quick apologetic smile and hug and then followed after him.

While Roxas violently shoved his feet into his shoes and threw his backpack over his shoulder in the foyer, I leaned against the archway to the kitchen and watched him with my arms crossed over my chest. He was in the midst of throwing his backpack onto the ground because he forgot to put his jacket on when I stepped forward and grabbed him by the arm.

"What's the problem, Rox?"

He frowned and ripped his arm out of my grasp. When he proceeded to ignore the question by stuffing himself into his jacket, I started to get annoyed but refused to let it get the best of me. There was no telling what could have him so flustered and hopefully he would talk to me later once he was calm enough.

Sighing quietly to myself, I grabbed my own jacket from the hook beside the door and shrugged it over my shoulders before grabbing my backpack and slipping into my shoes. Roxas was waiting for me, albeit impatiently, by the door. When he saw that I was ready he turned on his heel and pulled open the door without saying a word. He was already halfway down the sidewalk by the time I realized he was gone and ran to catch up with him.

"Dude, what's wrong?" I gasped between trying to catch my breath and wiping my nose. Have I ever mentioned that I hate the cold?

He ignored me again, of course, and continued walking as if I wasn't even there. I could feel the anger in my chest building until I couldn't stand it anymore. I grabbed Roxas by the arm and attempted to pull him off the sidewalk, but he countered and I ended up with my back pressed painfully against an unyielding tree trunk.

Before I had the time to react, he had pressed his body tightly against mine and he was attacking my lips with his own. Almost as if it were instinct, I started to kiss back and my arms tangled themselves around his neck. When he tried to deepen the kiss, I let him and it felt like it was the most ordinary thing in the world. It wasn't until a quiet moan slipped between us that Roxas seemed to realize what he was doing and pulled himself away from me.

I slowly opened my eyes, only to be met with Roxas' intense face. His eyes were smoldering and they would have scared me if his face hadn't have been as soft as it was.

"Roxas?"

"That is what my problem is, was, and knowing me, always will be," he muttered.

I frowned and furrowed my brow as I tried to grasp onto what he had just said and done. "You…" I pressed a finger to my lips and continued to stare at him. "You… _What_?"

"I don't know," he growled and buried his hands in his hair. "It's…confusing."

"Well, you better start explaining something to me real soon," I muttered. I'll be the first to admit that I was terrified of what had just happened. I was so scared because I couldn't come up with a reason as to why I hadn't pushed him away from me. Though there were hundreds of excuses running through my head, I knew that that was just what they were. Excuses.

"I told you that I don't know, Sora."

"How can you not know?" I started to move forward, but stopped when I noticed that it was to embrace him. "You just kissed me."

"You kissed me back," he muttered and a small smile twitched briefly at the corners of his lips.

I scowled and crossed my arms over my chest, trying to fight down the blush that was starting to spread across my face. "That's not the point."

He laughed quietly and shook his head. He beckoned with his head for us to start walking again, and I obeyed immediately. When he grabbed my hand I stiffened for a moment, but then a wave of calm washed over me and it was okay.

"It's weird," Roxas said after a couple of minutes. "I mean, I know that I have Axel and that I love him with every ounce of my being. But… It's…I dunno. It's hard to explain. I know that you and I have been friends since we kindergarten, and I never had any feelings other than friendship for you until I started to remember. And I dunno where that came from because we weren't romantically involved in the past, so..." He sighed. "I just don't know."

I squeezed his hand reassuringly and smiled when he glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. "It's okay."

He shook his head. "No, it's not okay because it's driving me insane and it keeps making me hurt you over and over again."

"You're not hurting me."

"But I _am_," he argued. "Whenever I hide something from you or get distant it hurts you. Yeah, I hide things from you because I don't want to burden you, but I also do it because I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want something to happen to you because I wouldn't be able to live if it did. And I get distant because… Well…you know."

I smiled sadly to myself and nodded. Yeah, I knew. He distanced himself from me at times because he was afraid that he would do something like he had done today. Who knew how I would have handled that kiss if he had done it earlier.

"What are we gonna do?" I muttered after a few moments of silence.

He shrugged and pulled his hand out of mine, only to wrap his arm around my waist and pull me closer. "I dunno. It depends on you."

I frowned and glanced up at Roxas through my bangs, but couldn't see anything due to the angle of his face. Part of me was screaming to just say yes because it would make him happy. But another part of me was screaming to say no because, though it would make him happy now, it would ultimately end in his sadness. And I knew that it was right. The moment we were reunited with Riku and Axel, I would be pulled immediately to Riku. Roxas would be pulled back to Axel as well, of course, but there would still be those relationship ties between us.

"I…I don't know," I muttered. "You were right. This is confusing."

Roxas laughed heartily and squeezed my side tenderly. "Well, I guess we'll just take things as they come, then."

I groaned and closed my eyes. "Why can't anything be laid out plain and simple anymore?"

"Because life enjoys torturing us?" Roxas said with a shrug.

"Well, then life's a sadist."

He snorted and shook his head, and we continued the rest of our walk to school in silence.

With this new curve ball thrown into my life, I could only imagine what was going to come next.

**o-o-o-o-o**

School was the same as usual. Same old teachers, same old people, same old school work. All the same. It was boring and felt like a waste of time, but what student has never thought that about school before?

There was only one minor difference, and now that I think about, it really wasn't that minor. It was major. Roxas was…well, being Roxas. And now that he was back to being normal, I couldn't help but realize that he had been acting strange for a long time and I just hadn't realized it. It was nice having him back, though.

The walk home from school with Roxas was less awkward than the one to school had been. There were no more desperate kisses against trees, but he did hold me close to him with an arm around my waist. I didn't have any complaints, either. It was nice to be held in such a way again, and I had forgotten how much I missed it.

It was a surprise to see Maho's car parked in the driveway when we finally made it to the house. She worked such strange hours that neither of us really thought that she was going to be able to be home for our birthday. It was a nice surprise for me, but Roxas tried to keep walking past the house when he saw the car. I laughed and pulled him up the walk toward the porch.

"Come on, Rox. Lighten up. It's our birthday."

He groaned and rolled his eyes, but followed me up to the house without any other argument.

"Hey, Ma-aaahhhhhh!" I shouted as I opened the door and was attacked by a bouncing bundle of brown curls.

"Happy birthday!" she chirruped when she pulled away from the violent hug, a smile that was too large to be humanly possible spread across her face.

I groaned and rubbed a spot on my head that had hit the wall in the attack. "Yeah…thanks, I guess."

She giggled and turned her attention onto Roxas, whose eyes immediately grew to the size of platters. He shoved me out of the way and tried to run away—really, he did—but Maho beat him to the stairs and captured him in a hug that was just as violent as mine had been.

"I never knew strangling was customary when someone turned eighteen," Roxas grumbled when Maho finally let him go.

The hyperactive woman shrugged and poked Roxas playfully on the cheek. "Yeah, and I thought you were supposed to be happy on your birthday."

Roxas frowned and his eyes hardened. I jumped forward, taking the cue to separate the two before Roxas said something he didn't really mean. It wouldn't be good to hurt Maho's feelings when we didn't how long we were going to be able to stay at the house after the day was over with.

"I'm thirsty, aren't you, Roxas?" I grabbed onto the blonde's arm and dragged him toward the kitchen.

'_I was happy until she strangled me,'_ he grumbled.

I laughed. _'Yeah, I know. Just… You know how she is. Just let her get her energy out. It's only one day.'_

He groaned and I couldn't help but laugh again. I dug around in the cabinets for a glass and filled it with some sort of blue Kool-Aid that was in the refrigerator.

"Have you heard anything?" Roxas muttered after I took a long sip from my cup.

I shook my head, knowing immediately that he was talking about Riku. "No. I was thinking about going to try again, though."

He nodded and smiled, but I could tell the gesture was forced. "I'll try to keep Maho occupied."

I smiled sadly and set my glass down on the counter so I could pull him into a hug. He sighed into the embrace and wrapped his arms around my waist. We stayed like that for as long as I could stand the silence, then I gently pulled away and ran a hand back through his hair.

"I'll be right back, okay?"

He nodded and I left the kitchen with a small smile. I silently snuck through the foyer and headed up the stairs. I was a master at skipping over the squeaky steps from years of having to sneak around behind my mother's back, but I still held my breath until I was safely closed within my bedroom. Only then did I let a heavy sigh slip past my lips as I fell down onto my bed with my eyes closed, letting my mind caress Riku's tenderly.

'_Happy birthday.'_

A sad smile crossed my face at the sound of Riku's voice, and I curled into a tight ball on top of my blankets. _'Thank you. How have you been?'_

'_I've been better, but I'm still alive so I guess that's all that counts, huh?'_

'_Yeah,' _I said weakly. He didn't sound well at all. His voice was quiet and shaky, almost as if it were an effort for him to speak.

'_How are things there?'_ Riku asked after a few suffocating moments of silence.

I sighed. _'Things are…confusing. There's still no sign of the letter. On top of that, Roxas admitted to having feelings for me today, but…'_ I sighed again. _'I dunno what to do.'_

'_Don't worry about it. Just take things as they come.'_

'_That's exactly what _he_ said,'_ I grumbled. _'Why can't there be a clear answer?'_

Riku sighed and brushed his mind against mine, causing a flutter of calm to drift through my body. _'You're going to have to work this one out on your own, Love. Just know that I'm always here for you, even if I don't answer.'_

'_I know, Riku. I know.'_ Tears started to fill my eyes and I clenched them closed tighter to stem the flow. _'How about Axel? Have you heard anything from him?'_

'_No. I was wrong when I said that I was sharing my cell with him. I'm alone, but Axel must be close because I can feel his aura brushing against mine. Some times are stronger than others, but it's always there.'_

'_Well, at least we know that he's alive too.'_

He sighed. _'Yeah.'_

I laughed quietly and nudged Riku gently with my mind. _'I love you.'_

He sighed again, tapering the sound off until it ended in a quiet laugh. _'I love you too.'_

'_I'll try to talk to you again soon, okay? I'll try when we get the letter.'_

'_Okay.'_

And then he was gone. When I opened my eyes and saw that I was still in my bedroom, I let the tears go free. I didn't sob, though. No, I was well past the sobbing stage, but there was still the terrible pain of knowing that Riku and I were so far apart and may never see each other again. That pain called forth the tears every time I opened my eyes to see that I was alone.

With a heavy sigh, I pushed myself up from my bed and trudged out of my room and back downstairs. I could plainly hear Maho talking to Roxas about something from somewhere in the kitchen's vicinity, so I changed directions and headed into the living room with the intent to start a small fire in the hearth. It hadn't been lit since the last night I had spent with Riku and seeing the empty fireplace made a chill run through my body.

I grabbed a couple of small logs and tossed them inside the hearth before I settled down on the floor in front of it. I searched around until I found the pail full of newspaper and kindling wood we used to help get the fire going. I gathered a few good sized balls of newspaper and tossed them on top of the logs, as well as a couple pieces of the kindling before I started to search for the matches. And, wouldn't you know, I couldn't find the matches _anywhere_.

"Great," I huffed under my breath and hit the side of the hearth with my palm. "What am I gonna do know?"

Magnificently, I didn't have to do anything.

I heard it before I saw it, the small crackles and pops that come when someone starts a fire. Then, suddenly, flames leapt up inside the hearth and engulfed the newspaper, kindling wood, and logs entirely. I gasped loudly and fell backwards, which resulted in my head hitting the coffee table behind me hard enough to draw Roxas' attention from the kitchen.

"Hey, you okay, Sora?" Roxas asked as he walked into the living room.

I nodded from where I was huddled in the ground, clutching my head and starting at the fireplace in shock. Roxas must have noticed the direction of my gaze—and the emotion behind it—because in less than a breadth he was at my side, staring wide-eyed at the fire as well.

"You didn't…did you?" he muttered.

I nodded again. "I…I guess. I mean, there weren't any matches and I was pissed 'cause I wanted to start a fire and then… _Voila._ There was a fire."

Roxas grabbed my hands and stared at me, his face excited. "Sora! Do you know what this means?"

I shook my head, still unable to tear my gaze from the dancing fire. "That I'm good at making fire?"

"No, you idiot!" He grabbed onto my face and made me look at him. "Fire wasn't your element. Healing was your power. You must have already started to come into your magick, we just didn't know it."

I furrowed my brow and cocked my head to the side. "But… I mean, is that possible? How could we not know that I had started to come into it?"

Roxas frowned for a moment, but then his eyes lit up and that same excited smile brightened his face. "Well, you haven't had anything to heal since you woke up in the hospital. Oh! The hospital! Gods, I'm an idiot! I should have realized it sooner!"

I pulled away from Roxas as inconspicuously as possible, mostly because I had never seen him so excited and I didn't know what he would do. Gods forbid he jump up or punch the air and end up punching my face instead. Yeah, that would suck.

"What about the hospital?" I muttered, rubbing the spot where my head had connected with the table gingerly. I could already feel a lump starting to form there.

"Remember how the nurse was surprised with how fast you had healed and how only your deepest wounds left scars?" I nodded meekly. "That was why. It was because you had come into your Healing while you were reliving your life in the past and it took care of your injuries. None of us could see because they were all under the bandages, so we didn't know."

"So you're saying that I've had my healing all along and just didn't know about it?" Roxas nodded excitedly, and I pouted. "Well that sucks."

He frowned. "At least we know now, right? Better late than never. And now that you've remembered how to use Fire—and _extremely_ well for someone who's just remembering—you can get to the other elements fast through meditation and training."

"How am I gonna get the training? We don't know any Masters who aren't in Akari or Kurai."

"You're forgetting me," he pointed out. I was opening my mouth to respond when he interrupted. "I know that I'm no Master, but at least I know how to control the powers and can help you learn how to do the same."

"I guess…," I said with a frown.

"Oh, _come on_," he said, and rather indignantly, might I add. "You either let me help you, or wait for the gods know how long for you to come into the rest of the elements and powers naturally."

I sighed. He was right. It was either take the help from him or risk wandering through wherever we ran completely defenseless. It would be nice to at least remember one other element before anything too dramatic started to happen. At least now I knew that it would be damn difficult for them to kill me. Now that I knew I had my Healing magick, there were only two ways for me to really die. Either my neck had to be broken or my heart had to be removed from my body. Needless to say, I didn't want to experience either of those options any time soon, and knowing more than Fire magick would help me to protect myself.

"Fine," I grumbled, "but I won't let you start teaching me until later, preferably once we're on the run. It won't do any good for me to lose control of one of the elements and do irreversible damage to the house. I don't think Maho would be too happy with us if that happened."

Roxas smiled happily and tackled me to the ground in a hug. I laughed out loud and returned the gesture, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck. Our laughter died and yet we still lay together on the floor in a tangle of limbs and wildly spiked hair. And I was comfortable with it. I won't deny that it felt nice to just be held.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of silence, Roxas lifted himself up with his elbows on either side of my head so he could look down at me, his legs straddling my waist.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

I didn't have the time to ask him what he was apologizing for before he was kissing me. Unlike the kiss we had shared in the morning, this one wasn't quite so desperate and pleading. It was soft and gentle and made me feel like I was about to melt. Even when Roxas took control and deepened the kiss, I didn't try to stop him. I just opened my mouth and let our tongues meet passionately, tightening my arms reflexively around his neck.

Never once did I let myself think that this was my best friend. That it was _Roxas_. None of that seemed to matter anymore, and I surprisingly didn't care.

When Roxas pulled away his face was a brilliant shade of red and his breath rapid in his chest. I smiled up at him tenderly and ran a gentle hand back through his hair, not failing to miss the way he sighed and leaned into the touch.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for," I muttered.

He smiled sadly and opened his mouth to respond, but a scream from the kitchen interrupted him before he could say anything. We stared at one another for a brief millisecond before we jumped up from the floor and raced into the kitchen. Maho had her back pressed against the counter and a startled look on her face. She pointed one shaking hand at an envelope that was sitting in the center of the island.

"What's the matter, Maho?" I asked as I went to her side, letting Roxas have the job of finding out what the envelope was. I already had a good idea of what it could be, but I didn't want to be the first to confirm it.

She shook her head and let her hand drop to her side. "It just…appeared, like out of nowhere. It surprised me, is all."

I frowned and embraced her quickly before I went to Roxas. He hadn't bothered to open the envelope yet. He was just staring blankly at the yellowed paper and our names in loopy handwriting that had been scrawled across the middle.

"Well?"

He nodded and, his hands shaking a little bit, started to tear open the envelope. When he stuck his hand inside, he pulled out a single folded page of parchment.

"This is it," he whispered.

I nodded and held my breath as Roxas unfolded the letter that would spell out the rest of our lives.

TBC…  
**---------------------------------------------------------  
**A/N: _::dodges torches and pitchforks::_ Hehe. Sorry…? Really, I am, but…you know… And the whole Roxas/Sora thing… I didn't just throw it in there as a spur of the moment plot twist, I promise. Their relationship has been in my plans since I decided that I was going to end up writing more than just "Awakening"… So, yeah. Don't kill me for that, either…

Aside from that, I really don't have anything else to say except thank you a million times over to everyone who read and reviewed last chapter. You all are kick ass and I love you!! And thanks again to **Nathan **and **Travis** for the ideas on how Sora could come into his powers accidentally without seeming too predictable and for the ideas on how they could find the letter. Can I get a "WOOT" for Mama's Kitchen (or is it Mickey Mouse now)?! LoL…

Until next chapter, adieu…


	7. Chapter Five: Letter

Now for the conclusion to that cliffhanger. Hehe. It's about time they get to read the letter…

Enjoy!!…

WARNINGS: language…

**Disclaimer:** the characters and worlds of _Kingdom Hearts_ belong to Square Enix and Disney…the short story _The Most Dangerous Game_ belongs to Richard Connell…

"…_Engulf myself into a permanent mystery  
No one day just as the next (not for me)  
It's so confusing when I look at my history  
I just can't handle that yet  
No…_

…_What's next for me to learn?"_

—"_My Letter" Flaw…_

**Chapter Five:  
Letter…**

We sat in silence with our heads together, bent over the wrinkled piece of parchment, for what felt like hours. Sitting there reading the letter—being able to hold it on our hands—was almost surreal. It was almost like neither of us had ever expected the letter to come, no matter what anyone else had said or what we had spent the past month preparing ourselves for.

But then, from out of nowhere, I started to laugh uncontrollably. I just couldn't help myself. It wasn't that I had found the letter funny. It was anything but that. When I think about it, it partially may have been caused by the fact that I was losing my mind, but maybe because I also thought Ansem was an idiot.

"They don't want us until the end of March?" Roxas whispered.

"I know!" I managed to choke out through a laugh. "It's like they're _asking_ us to run or something."

I expected some sort of witty response from Roxas, but when it never came I sobered up and looked at him. He was frowning and his brown was furrowed in consternation as he read the letter for the second time. It wasn't a new look on him, but it was one that I had never liked.

"What's up?" I muttered with a frown, loosely wrapping my arms around Roxas' neck so I could read over his shoulder.

He shrugged. "Something about all of this just feels off." His frown deepened and he ran a hand back through his hair, dropping it to back to his side with a quiet gasp. "Shit! They know!"

I started briefly and almost fell backwards. When I managed to collect myself, I moved so I was sitting across from Roxas and took his hands in my own, my eyes wide.

"Are you sure they know? _He_ knows?"

He started to nod, but quickly changed his mind and shook his head. "Well, I don't know for certain, but I can't come up with any other reason as to why they would give us so much time before we have to return."

"You're acting like they want to make it a game. Like…like something from that book."

"_The Most Dangerous Game_…," Roxas sighed and squeezed my hands briefly. "You never know with those two evil bastards."

I gulped loudly and continued to stare at Roxas, my thoughts drifting off. Even after everything he had put us through I just couldn't imagine Ansem being sick enough to play such a game with us. Xemnas, on the other hand, was a completely different story. I wouldn't put it past the bastard to be sick enough to give us a little head-start before he sent some of his most bloodthirsty Organization members after us on a hunt. I bet that Larxene and Marluxia would jump at the chance to catch us, if only so they could torture us in the process.

But then I couldn't understand why Ansem would give Xemnas and his lackeys the opportunity to try and catch us. Weren't we vital to Akari if they were going to win the war? If they just handed us over to Kurai so they could exploit our powers, then there was no hope left for anyone.

"Sora?" Roxas cupped the side of my face and the gentle drumming of his fingers against my skin pulled me back into reality. "Everything will be okay. I promise. Even if they know, I'll make sure that nothing happens."

I shook my head and tried to smile, even if it was sad, but couldn't muster the strength to do so. By the way Roxas' frown seemed to grow, I can almost guarantee that all that formed was an ugly grimace. The blonde sighed and pulled me into his arms, burying a hand in the hair at the base of my neck while he buried his face in my shoulder. The sensation of his breath against the side of my neck made me shiver.

"I promised that I wouldn't let anything happen to you, and I don't intend to break it. Riku and Squall would kill me if I did. Not only that, but I wouldn't know what to do with myself."

I sighed and ran a hand up and down his back. "It's okay, Roxas. I'm just a little…shocked, is all. I guess we just weren't careful enough while we were coming up with our plans."

Roxas laughed quietly and pulled away a bit, still keeping a hand on the base of my neck. "You know what this means, right? Where we're gonna have to go?"

I nodded and closed my eyes. Of course I knew where we were going to have to run to now, but that didn't mean that I was happy about it. "Who knows how long will wander out there before someone finds us," I muttered.

"That's the point."

I frowned and opened my eyes so I could stare at my best friend. He had changed so much since Riku and Axel had left. Instead of the strong, always sure of himself young man I was so used to seeing, he had become a wreck. Not that I wasn't a wreck as well, but now that we were equally relying on one another for strength and comfort, I didn't know how long it would take before we broke under the strain.

"I haven't been into the Grey since…then," I muttered. "Does it still look the same?"

Roxas smiled sadly and shrugged. "More or less. It's still the same barren, salt-encrusted land that it always was, but more people are choosing to live there instead of in Akari or Kurai to escape the war." He sighed. "And as much as I understand what that they're trying to escape, they're only putting themselves in more danger."

I nodded. "Yeah. The Grey was practically massacred during the last war. But…" I frowned and bit my lip. "But maybe we can do something about it sin—"

Roxas shook his head and silenced me with a finger to my lips. "We can't do anything, Sora."

"But why not?!" I shouted as I shoved his hand away from my mouth. "It's not like we're going to have anything else to do. If we can warn those people that they're only putting themselves and their loved ones in danger by living in Kōryōtaru Jimen, then maybe we can save their lives."

"We can't, Sora!" he said forcefully and his eyes flashed gravely, making me swallow my next words immediately. "Those people would hand us over without a second thought, if only so they can save themselves. The further we stay away from them, the better."

"But, Roxas…"

"_No_, Sora. We can't."

I narrowed my eyes at Roxas and shoved myself away from him, swatting his hands away when he tried to reach out for me. I left the kitchen and didn't look back, pausing only to give Maho a brief smile when we passed on the stairs.

I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs when I was finally closed away in my room, but made myself hold back. The sound would terrify Maho and only make Roxas come running. All I wanted was time alone, time to be pissed off at Roxas before I had to look at him again.

I couldn't believe that he was willing to sacrifice the lives of all those people because he was afraid that they would turn us in if we tried to help them. So _what_? I know that I would probably do the same thing if I was in their situation, and I wouldn't be surprised if Ansem or Xemnas had threatened to kill anyone who helped us while we were running.

All I knew was that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I just left all those people alone to die in the middle of the war. So many women and children, perfectly capable men who were just trying to protect their families. It wasn't worth it for them all to have to die. It was almost cruel.

Sighing loudly, I curled into a ball and sent my mind out to Riku. I had promised him that I would contact him when we got the letter, but it wasn't the only reason why I wanted to talk to him. He would understand how I felt, I knew he would. And he would make me feel better about doing what I had to do when the time was right.

But there was no response to my caresses, only silence. Deep, heart shattering silence that made tears I struggled to hold back well up in my eyes. I didn't understand why he couldn't talk me to me now after he had talked to me earlier in the day. Or was he ignoring me? There was no way for me to know, and it only helped to make me worry even more.

'_Riku…'_ I sent, hoping that he might respond if he heard my voice. It was all for naught, but I couldn't blame myself for giving it a try. And now that I was talking to him, I couldn't find the strength to be quiet or hold back my tears.

'_We got the letter. Roxas thinks that Ansem knows that we're going to try and run because he doesn't want us back until the end of March. And he wants us to go to New York instead of London. Oh, Riku. I don't understand what's going on. Why do they want us in New York when you all went to London? Ansem even sent Kairi and Naminé to London so he could open the gate for them. I just don't understand._

'_And now we have to go into the Grey because that's the only way we'll be sure to escape their radar for at least a little bit. Roxas says that more and more people are moving into the Grey despite the cruel lifestyle so they can escape the war, and he refuses to help them when we go there. They'll _die _if we don't help them, and I tried telling him that but he just shoved it aside. I just don't know what to do. I wish you were here. I wish you could tell me what I should do, or at least help me come to a decision.'_

I sniffed loudly and rubbed a hand across my face to wipe away my tears. Somewhere in the back of my mind there was the briefest brush of Riku's mind against my own. It wasn't much, but it was enough. I sighed quietly and opened my eyes. That small brush had meant that Riku was alive and that he had heard what I'd said. Even though he hadn't given me a response, just knowing that he'd heard made me feel better. I didn't feel quite so alone anymore.

'_I love you,'_ I sent with as much conviction as I could before I lessened the link between our minds.

All of a sudden I was dreadfully tired. It seemed that the chaotic emotions of the day were finally managing to catch up with me. From Roxas' love admission to the surprise at what Ansem had said in the letter, it had been one of the most confusing days of my entire life.

Sighing, I snuggled down into my blankets and closed my eyes. A little power nap couldn't possibly hurt.

**o-o-o-o-o**

When I woke up a couple hours later, I wasn't surprised to find that I was no longer alone in my bed. Sometime during my nap, Roxas had snuck into my room and curled up in bed with me. Even if it could have been someone else snuggled up against my back, I didn't need to turn around to make sure that it was him. If the black and white checkered sweatband around his wrist hadn't been a dead give away, then the way he had squeezed me to him when I had moved was.

I sighed heavily and rolled onto my back so I could get a good look at him. Just the sight of his sleeping face always made me smile. It was the only time when he really seemed to be free of trouble. It also seemed like the only time he really truly smiled anymore, as well. But even though seeing him sleeping made me smile, it didn't erase my frustration with him. I didn't think that anything could make me forget the aggravation this time.

I reached over and ran a gentle hand back through his hair, succeeding in rousing him from his sleep. He opened his eyes slowly and blinked, then pulled away and smiled sheepishly when he realized that I was awake and had caught him.

"H-hey," he muttered, keeping his eyes on anything but my face.

Rolling my eyes, I grabbed his chin and made him look at me. "What're you doing in here?"

He frowned and sadness instantly drifted into his eyes before he narrowed them defensively. "I didn't know that I couldn't. Wish you woulda told me that you had changed the rules before you stomped away and wouldn't let me finish talking to you."

"Well, you were being a dick and you pissed me off," I spat and rolled over so I was facing away from him.

Silence filled the room, but I felt the bed shift behind me. Either Roxas was staring at the wall, or had sat up and was watching for my next move. From the way the hair stood up on the back of my neck, I had a good feeling that he was sitting up and watching me. I wanted to grumble at him to stop staring at me because he knew how much I hated it, but I didn't want to give in either.

"You know that they have a price on our heads, right?"

I started at the sudden sound of Roxas' voice, but recovered with a small shrug. "It doesn't surprise me."

Roxas laughed. "Ten million for each of us if we're handed over to Xemnas alive, one hundred million if they give us to Ansem."

I snorted and rolled onto my back so I could stare at the ceiling. "Xemnas is an idiot then."

I could see Roxas frowning out of the corner of my eye. "And why is that?"

"Anyone in their right mind would hand us over to Ansem without a fight. Xemnas has no chance."

Roxas shrugged. "Well, anyone from Kurai would give us to Xemnas just because they're too afraid that he'll kill them or their families if they don't."

"So what? Xemnas wins because he's a blackmailing bastard." I did a mock cheer with my fists. "Whoo-hoo."

Silence fell once again and this time it was even more awkward and strained than the last. I could tell that Roxas wanted to say something—to ask what the hell my problem was—but he was using all of his willpower to keep his mouth closed because he didn't want to make me any angrier. I didn't blame him.

After a while Roxas sighed and moved so he could crawl over me and off the bed. "I'm sorry for what I said, Sora, but I'm only trying to keep us alive. It seems like we're the only ones that can do it."

I closed my eyes and let his words sink in. He was right. Hell, he'd _been_ right from the beginning. It was just that I couldn't stand to let so many people die without trying to help them first. It made me feel like we were just giving up on them. But, now that I thought about it, they were doing the same thing to us.

In a flash I had reached out and grabbed Roxas' wrist with my hand. He gasped quietly and looked at me with a furrowed brow when I opened my eyes.

"You win," I muttered with a small smile.

He laughed quietly and let me pull him back down onto the bed with me. We shifted ourselves around until we were comfortable, which ended with Roxas lying on his back with me curled up to his side.

Roxas sighed heavily and ran a hand through my hair. "When do you want to leave?"

I shook my head. "I have no idea. Sometime soon, I'm guessing, or else I won't want to leave at all. Besides, it'll be better on Maho if we don't stick around for too much longer."

He nodded. "Yeah. It's already gonna be hard enough on her, even though we've already warned her that we're going to have to leave."

"She can't help it," I muttered. "It's her maternal instincts."

Roxas snorted and I looked up at him with smile. "What?" he grumbled.

I shrugged and moved to settle back down into his arms, but he caught me with a hand beneath my chin. I frowned and cocked my head to the side a bit, but he just smiled at me sadly. With a gentle and quick kiss, he let me go and I curled back up against his side.

There was a long road ahead of us. A long and treacherous road that could ultimately lead to our demise, but we were prepared to walk it willingly if only to save those we cared about most. As I laid there in Roxas' arms I had a feeling that, as long as we had each other, we would be able to do it. But, on the off chance that we were separated, all of our carefully strategized plans would come crashing down around our heads.

TBC…  
**------------------------------------------------------  
**A/N: A short one. Yes, I know, but I did it for a reason. It wrapped up the cliffhanger from the last chapter, and I think it's about time for another check-up on Riku. I already have quite a bit of time to make up until Riku is caught up with Sora's POV. To add anything more with Sora will just make it even harder to write Riku's POV. So yes, that means that next chapter is an ((Another Side, Another Story)) installment. Yay!!…

Anyway…thank you very much to everyone who read and reviewed last chapter. You all kick my ass and I love you!! _::hugs everyone::_…

Until next chapter, adieu…


	8. AS, AS: Brace Yourself

Finally…another chapter in Riku's POV…_::sighs::_…Sorry it took so long to get another one out. This one should be longer than the usual ((AS, AS)) installments because I have a lot to catch up on in Riku's POV to get up to speed with Sora's time…

I was grasping at straws when it came to finding a song for this chapter, but I think I managed to find one that goes along with the underlying meaning of what Riku's feeling..._::sighs::_...I had the perfect one, but I'm saving it for the next chapter (which will be another ((AS, AS))...reasons explained at end)...

Anyway…enjoy!!…

WARNINGS: language, violence, a small flashback/dream scene (because I think it's time we start digging a little deeper into Riku's past as well)…

**Disclaimer: **the characters and worlds of _Kingdom Hearts _belong to Square Enix and Disney…

"_Feels like my head is waking up,  
__Released from the bonds that locked me out.  
__I didn't realize that compromise would leave me in a rut.  
__It doesn't matter who's to blame  
__When all of the victims lose their names,  
__And all of our past mistakes  
__Are tattooed on the lives we claim…"_

—"_Brace Yourself" Dropping Daylight…_

**((Another Side, Another Story))  
Brace Yourself…**

Darkness. After spending such a long time in the light, I had forgotten just how painful darkness could be. It ate away at my insides and tore at my soul until, after only a day, I had lost almost all of my will to live. It was horrible…painful. It made me want to scream out in agony, but I made sure to keep my tongue in check. I didn't want to give my father that kind of satisfaction.

He was watching me. I knew that he was. Even though I was locked away in a stone dungeon with nothing but an unyielding set of iron bars to give me light, I knew that he was watching me. The sadistic freak. So, instead of giving him the show he was wanting and expecting, I made sure to move out of my fetal position on the cold stone floor only when it was absolutely necessary.

I couldn't stop worrying about Axel and wondering where they had taken him to. I hadn't seen him since Sephiroth had oh-so-unceremoniously kicked him out of the door of the limousine and into the dark portal. As underhanded as it was, I had to hand it to my father for coming up with such a brilliant way to get us back. The man had probably foreseen that we would try to run off if we had any available exits at our disposal. I hated him, yes, but I couldn't deny that my father was a genius.

But, if he had done anything to hurt Axel, I swear to the gods above that he'll regret the day I was ever born. It was bad enough that he was threatening me with torture if I didn't tell him about Sora and Roxas' plans. He didn't need to put Axel through that treatment, as well.

Footsteps off in the distance pulled me from my thoughts, and I couldn't help but cast a curious glance at the doors to my cell to see who it was going to be. I wasn't surprised to see that the person was dressed in a long jacket with a hood pulled up so I couldn't see their face, or that they stopped outside my cell and unlocked the door. I had been expecting this for a while.

"Number One requests your presence," said a masculine from beneath the hood.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I recognized that voice, but I couldn't quite put a name to it. I couldn't find the strength or will to concentrate. Not only was I exhausted but I was hungry as well. And not for food. I hadn't had blood since that night in the alleyway with Axel what felt like a lifetime ago. The need for the sweet, coppery substance was slowly beginning to change from a small tingling sensation at the pit of my stomach to a painful burning. If I didn't get blood soon, things were not going to be good.

When I didn't move from my crumpled position on the floor, the man sighed and begrudgingly walked into my cell. He stopped a foot or so away from my body and kicked me with the tip of his foot, almost as if he didn't want to hurt me. The gesture was…surprising, to say the least.

"Did you not hear me? Your father demands to see you. Now get up!"

One more gentle, albeit annoying, kick to my side was enough to make me groan in aggravation and move so I was crouched on my knees. I used the stone wall of the cell to help me get to my feet, almost falling when I tried to take a step without holding onto it. It seemed the spell my father had cast on my mind after arriving back in Kurai still had yet to wear off.

A heavy sigh was the only warning I received before the hooded man hefted my arm over his shoulder to help me walk. I started so violently that I scared him, and he almost let me slip out of his grasp. Thankfully he recovered and caught me before I could go careening toward the ground. That would not have felt good.

"Who are you?" I muttered weakly as the man started to help me walk out of my cell.

"No one you need to know about," he grumbled quickly, obviously trying to avoid the conversation.

But I _knew_ his voice. And there was something about that small flash of blonde hair beneath the hood that made my eyes widen in recognition.

"De-Demyx?!"

He jumped and almost dropped me again, but managed to keep a hold on my wrist. Grumbling quietly to himself, the man resituated my arm over his shoulder and started to walk again.

"Shut _up_, would ya? If Xemnas finds out that you know it's me, he won't let me come down here anymore."

I laughed happily, all too glad to be in the company of someone I knew, and an old friend at that. And as much as I wanted to do the customary "catching-up" that came with reuniting with old friends, I knew that now wasn't the time for it. We would have time to talk later. Hopefully.

We walked the rest of the way in silence. Up stairs, down hallways. Right around one corner, left around another, then another left. I was too out of it to pay much attention to our surroundings. I was still riding on the surprise of having met up with Demyx again. I could only hope that he was the same person he had been years ago. So far it seemed like he was, but I couldn't be so sure.

I was unceremoniously jolted out of my thoughts when we stopped outside a large set of tall oak doors. They were all too familiar and sent a harsh surge of nervousness coursing through my body. Nothing good was hidden behind these doors.

Demyx situated me on his shoulder so he could reach out and knock on the door. Two quick raps, no more and no less. We waited in silence for what felt like an eternity before the voice that would haunt my nightmares echoed through from behind the door.

"Come in."

Demyx sighed heavily and quickly dropped me from his shoulder, muttering a small apology as he did so. But he didn't have to apologize. I understood. We were going to see the boss, someone who hated me. Demyx wouldn't get any raises or promotions if Father saw that he was _helping _me instead of harming me like he had probably been ordered to do.

Pushing against the heavy door with his shoulder, Demyx shoved it open and revealed a room that I would have never liked to have to see again. My father's office was the same as it had been over a thousand years beforehand. All four walls were lined with floor-to-ceiling oak bookcases, stuffed to their brims with books on anything and everything. In the center of the room was the dreadfully heavy oak desk I distinctly remembered helping my father move into the office. The room was lit with, not fire or gas lanterns as it had in the past, but by electricity, the light bulbs taking the shape of small flames to give the illusion of candles.

And sitting there behind the desk, with the biggest shit eating grin I had ever seen on his face, was Xemnas. Leader of Kurai. Number One. President. _King._ Those on the outside could call him whatever they wanted, but none of them had to call him father. That privilege, unfortunately, was saved only for myself and my demon spawn brother.

"Nice of you go join me, Son," Xemnas said with a small chuckle, his amber eyes narrowing slightly as he leaned forward with his forearms resting casually on top of his desk. "Though I have to admit that you have seen better days."

I scowled and took a step into the office, trying my hardest to walk without Demyx's support. I was well aware of the fact that I probably looked like something that had just crawled out of a pile of shit. Not only was my hair tangled and knotted painfully, it was also greasy beyond all belief. A warm bath would have been Heaven, but I had the feeling that my father wouldn't be giving me the privilege any time soon.

The smile on Xemnas' face faltered briefly at what I could only guess was my silence, but he quickly recovered by shooing Demyx out of the office with a flick of his wrist.

"You may stand outside the door. I'll have you escort Riku back to his cell when we are finished."

I glanced at Demyx out of the corner of my eye just in time to see him give a brief bow before shuffling out the door, closing it silently behind him. I didn't even try to hide my grimace of disgust. A thousand years had passed and Xemnas was still acting like the people who had willingly joined his cause were slaves. It was sickening.

"Please take a seat, Riku. I have no plans of harming you as long as you listen to what I have to say."

I narrowed my eyes and glared at the disgusting man behind the desk, but did as he requested anyway. If he didn't have any plans of harming me during this visit unless I showed resistance, I figured I should go along with it for as long as I could. I happened to have a strong liking for my limbs the way that they were and would do anything possible to keep it that way.

"If you don't have any plans of harming me, then I can only expect that you've called me here to try and bribe me," I muttered dourly, keeping my eyes glued to my father's. "And I'm sorry to disappoint you, but even if I knew what they were, I wouldn't tell you Sora and Roxas' plans."

Xemnas laughed heartily, throwing his head back a bit and shaking his head. I didn't understand what was so amusing, but still couldn't help but shiver nervously. After having watched many "Good vs. Evil" movies in my life, I knew that that particular laugh didn't harbor any good will.

"I didn't call you here to try and get you to tell me your little boyfriend's plans," Xemnas spat. "I called you here to have a little heart-to-heart talk. Just the two of us. Father to son."

I snorted. "I have nothing to say to you."

I moved to stand up, but quickly decided against it as a sharp pain caught in my chest. I gripped the area just above my heart with a hiss and glared at my father, sickened by the look of pure amusement that sparkled in his eyes.

"You said you weren't going to hurt me," I spat bitterly.

"As long as you listen to what I have to say," he added with a malicious smirk.

I narrowed my eyes and tried to summon the power to fight against his hold on me, but fell short. I was too weak. I needed blood before I could ever dream of attempting to go against him.

"Fine," I muttered, gasping when the pain in my chest gave way and I could breathe again.

"That's a good boy," Xemnas said with a self-righteous grin. "I have to admit that I'm disappointed in you. My own flesh and blood, turning against me without letting me explain."

"I didn't need to hear you excuses once I remembered everything from the past. I left because I wanted no part in your stupid little schemes to take control of Akari."

"And for what?" he asked with a sneer. "So you could live out the rest of your so-called-life with your precious little angel boyfriend? Were you really so stupid to believe that the goings-ons of our worlds wouldn't affect you if you just tried to ignore them?"

"I just wanted to live a normal life, and you had no right to take that away from me. From _us_." My thoughts flashed sadly from Sora's smiling face to an image of Axel and Roxas locked in a passionate kiss. "The four of us could have been a family. We could have lived happy, full lives if only you could have kept your noses out of them."

"It's your _destiny_, Riku!"

"_Fuck _destiny," I shouted. "I don't give a shit about your stupid little war. You and Ansem are nothing but corrupt men who only live to have power over people who are weaker than you. It's disgusting. You treat those who are loyal to you as if they are slaves when they deserve so much better. You threw me, your own _son_, into a dungeon. And only the gods know what you've done to Axel."

Once again, when Xemnas laughed heartily, I couldn't help but shiver and wonder just what was so funny. "Axel has repented for his sins and has sworn his allegiance to the Organization once again. He was quite the fighter. It took three times the usual dosage to get him to see things our way."

My eyes widened and a hand found its way to my mouth at its own accord as the implications of his words began to sink in. Axel was… No! It was impossible. But, the more I thought about it, the more it seemed to make sense. I hadn't felt any sign of Axel's aura while in the dungeons, which meant that he wasn't down there. I never would have thought that my father would go to such underhanded attacks to get my best friend back under his control, though.

They had erased his memories and created new ones out of scratch, probably erasing me, Sora and even Roxas from his mind as they did. We were nothing to him anymore. The realization made me want to cry out in anguish, but I bit my tongue against the urge. I couldn't show weakness. Not now.

"You're sick!" I gasped, my eyes still wide as anger began to coarse through my body. "How dare you do that to him! How _dare_ you!"

Xemnas laughed again. "It's the way of the world, Son."

I lashed out before I could control what I was doing, sending a surprisingly powerful surge of dark energy careening towards my father. The attack caught him off-guard and hit him square in the chest, hard enough to send him and his chair flying backwards into a bookshelf. The back of the chair shattered and a waterfall of books tumbled down from the shelf and onto his head.

"Fuck you," I growled under my breath.

I left the room to a sputtering Demyx before the dust settled and I could see if Xemnas was unconscious or not. Either way, it didn't matter. I was going to pay for that little show of insolence later.

"What the fuck did you do to him?!" Demyx whispered heatedly when he finally tore his eyes away from the scene in the office and ran to catch up with me. "You know that he won't let you get away with it."

I sighed and ran a hand back through my hair, biting my tongue as my fingers caught on numerous knots and tangles in the messy strands. I tightened my hands into fists when I let them drop to my side.

"I want to see Axel."

The demand surprised Demyx so badly and he froze for a second. "Do _what_?!" he gasped when he caught up to me once again.

I stopped walking and turned to face Demyx with the most serious face I could muster. It must have been pretty good because he gasped and pushed the hood away from his head, revealing the kind face of one of my closest friends. At least I hoped he was still a close friend.

"I want to see Axel," I repeated. "If Father really took away his memories, then…" I tightened my fists at my side until my nails dug painfully into my palms, my anger with the situation too strong for words.

Demyx sighed and ran a hand back through his wild hair. "I…I can't let you see him for too long. He's still out of it, _way_ out of it. I mean, all he does is just sit and stare at the wall. It's almost like they made him a vegetable or something."

"You would do that for me?"

He sighed again, but then smiled and seeing him smile made me smile. My best friend might be gone, but at least I knew that I still had _someone _on my side in this godsforsaken place.

"Come on," he said and immediately took a left down the nearest corridor.

We walked in silence for what felt like forever, the sounds of Demyx's shoes and the pattering of my bare feet against the hard marble floor our only companions. I wanted to talk to Demyx more, but I couldn't bring myself to open my mouth. I didn't know of Demyx would get cold feet and change his mind if I said anything wrong, but I didn't want to try it.

When Demyx finally stopped, it was outside yet another set of oversized oak doors. Small characters were inscribed into the wall beside the door, but I couldn't bring myself to read what they said. Demyx rapped a knuckle against the door briefly, and I couldn't help but smile gratefully at the voice that responded. A few seconds later, the door was being pulled open and a familiar head of blue-silver hair peaked out from around the doorjamb.

Zexion's teal eyes widened just briefly when they spotted me before they returned to normal and he gazed at us with nothing but his usual apathy. "Why did you bring him here, Number Nine?"

Demyx frowned and bit his lip, obviously trying to come up with a good excuse and failing. Just when his face brightened and he opened his mouth to say something, I decided to cut in.

"Don't blame him, Zexion. I asked him to bring me here. I just want to see Axel."

The man turned his cold eyes onto me, letting them rake over my form and take judgment of what they saw. He thankfully seemed to like what he was met with, as he sighed heavily and pulled the door open further to reveal a large bedroom.

"You have five minutes," he muttered dryly.

I flashed Zexion my most brilliant smile and had to resist the strong urge to reach out and hug him. Who knew how the emo man would take it if I did that. He'd probably revoke my invitation into the room.

Without letting any other thoughts clutter my mind, I dashed into the room and collapsed at the bedside. Axel was there, alright, and Demyx hadn't been lying when he had said that he was out of it. The redhead's normally bright and vibrant eyes were glassy and dulled by the drugs that were circulating in his system. He didn't blink, didn't move. His gaze stayed directed at a spot on the wall immediately ahead of him.

The sight tore my heart into pieces, and I broke down into tears before I could stop myself. Demyx's reassuring hand on my shoulder only helped to break the dam a little more, and I was soon all but sobbing into my arms.

"He looks worse than he really is," the blonde muttered quietly.

I sighed and pulled my face out of my hands, wiping my tears away roughly. "How long until the drugs wear off and he wakes up?" I asked Zexion.

He shrugged. "It's impossible to determine. As Xemnas has probably already informed you, it took a much larger dosage than usual to get him to go under. Lulu suspects that it would take a week, maybe longer, until he wakes from his sleep."

"What will you do then?"

Zexion sighed. "Another surgery will be needed to implant his new memories. Right now he's just a blank slate. Though there are records of his existence all throughout Akari and Kurai, he has no remembrance of that life. When he wakes up, all he'll know is that he is Organization XIII's number eight and that he will always dutifully execute their will."

"He's a puppet," I gasped quietly through a hiccup. "Nothing but a puppet to be used and tossed aside once Father is done spreading his ridiculous, fucking cause."

Demyx sighed and slowly sat down on the side of the bed, watching Axel carefully for any signs of movement. There were none. He didn't even blink. He looked exactly like what he was: a puppet just waiting for his master to stick his hand in his back and make him move and talk. It made me want to vomit.

Axel was always so carefree and vibrant, so full of life. Absolutely no one deserved to be reduced to such a mess, but Axel deserved it less than most. Aside from standing up for his own cause, he had done nothing wrong. I could only imagine how Sora and Roxas would react if they knew what had come of him, but I immediately came to the conclusion that they wouldn't find out about it. They had enough on their plates as it was. It would hurt them too much to find out such news.

"Is…" I paused to gather my thoughts before I pressed on. "Is there a way to reverse the effects? To, you know, make him remember everything?"

Zexion sighed and ran a hand back through his hair, his breath playing with the hair that perpetually hung in front of his right eye. "Yes, but it's risky. If he wakes up while Xemnas is around, we won't have a chance to replace his old memories and we will be forced to press on as planned. But then there is always the chance that something will happen if we return his memories. To trick Xemnas, he will have to make himself live, eat, and breathe like the new Axel is supposed to. If he slips, we are all as good as dead."

"And if he doesn't slip…?"

Zexion sighed again. "What do you want me to say? That we'll all live happily ever after? Run along into the sunset because Axel was able to trick Xemnas and give us an insider's look into his plans?" He muttered a few words I couldn't understand under his breath before he turned his back on me and Demyx. "Your five minutes are up. You need to leave."

"But, Zexion…"

"You _need_ to leave," he repeated, more forcefully this time.

I sighed heavily and pushed myself to my feet. Demyx quickly followed, offering me a small apologetic smile before he started to walk away.

"Please don't hurt him," I muttered.

Even though he didn't say anything in response, the slight tensing of Zexion's shoulders was answer enough. As cold-hearted and apathetic as the man was, he wouldn't hurt one of his friends. Axel was his friend, and his boyfriend's friend. He would make sure that Axel was taken care of properly, I knew it.

Demyx walked past Zexion, and I didn't fail to notice their brief linking of hands before Demyx was patiently waiting for me at the door. I cast a final miserable glance back at Axel and kissed him gently on the cheek before I met Demyx and the two of us started along our not-so-merry way.

"Please tell me if anything happens," I begged as Demyx closed the door to my cell down in the dungeons.

The blonde sighed and shifted around. Even in the darkness I could tell that he had lifted his hood and covered his face. "I can't make any promises," he muttered.

"I don't care! Just…just make sure Xemnas doesn't hurt him, okay? That's all I ask."

Demyx nodded and started to walk away, freezing only when I called out to him at the last minute.

"Thank you…for everything you did today. You didn't have to, but you did. So thank you."

Even though the hood was pulled up over his face, I could tell Demyx was smiling just by the tone of his voice. "Anything for a friend," he whispered, and then he was gone.

Now alone and with nothing else to do, I settled down onto the small make-shift bed I had made for myself in the corner of the cell and drifted off to sleep.

**o-o-o-o-o**

_Twelve-years-old. He was running through a forest, laughter leaving him when he glanced back over his shoulder and saw that no one was behind him. He was winning. So much for Axel betting that he could beat him at hide-'n-seek this time. There was no way. Riku was the King._

_Out of nowhere, a high pitched scream echoed throughout the forest and Riku was tackled down to the ground in a mess of limbs. Once his vision cleared, he was quite surprised to see that Axel was sitting proudly atop his chest, a rather self-satisfied grin on his face._

"_You owe me ten silver, 'Ku!" the redhead exclaimed._

_Riku pouted and crossed his arms over his chest. He didn't have ten silver. He had only made the stupid bet with Axel because he had thought that there was no way for his best friend to catch him. They had been playing this game since they were five, after all, and this win was only Axel's second._

"_Get off me, Axel. I can't breathe!"_

_The redhead giggled and slid off to the side so he could lie on the ground beside Riku. They laid in silence for what felt like an eternity, each of them just as happy to be with the other as the other was to be with them. They knew that it wasn't something that normal twelve-year-olds felt, but they couldn't help it. As they liked to say, they had been best friends before they were born. Nothing was ever going to separate them._

"_You know…," Axel said suddenly, pulling the young Riku out of his thoughts. "I wonder why we haven't started training yet. All the other twelve-year-olds get to learn how to fight, so why can't we?"_

_Riku shrugged and curled up in a ball on his side so he could see Axel's face. "I dunno, Ax. Maybe it's because we're already learning so much."_

"_Meh," Axel grunted. "I would ditch ancient history any day if it meant that I was going to learn how to use a sword or something."_

_Riku snorted and watched as Axel lifted a hand and conjured a brilliant ball of fire. Axel moved the flame through his fingers as someone would with a coin before it settled back down in his palm and he closed his hand around it. The fire dissipated immediately, and the memory (for that's all that it could be) shifted slowly into something new…_

_Fourteen-years-old. He sat in the middle of a lecture on martial strategization from his father. He was trying to pay attention, really he was, but he just couldn't seem to get his mind to concentrate on the task at hand. He had tried many times to pinpoint the problem, but had come up black each time. It was useless._

"_Riku, are you even listening to me?" _

_Riku shook his head and his father sighed, slouching down into the chair behind his desk. Silence fell between them and Riku couldn't ignore the burning sensation his father's gaze sent into his face. Sooner or later, Xemnas sighed again and sat straight in his chair._

"_What's bothering you, Son? You know you can tell me anything."_

_Frowning, Riku glanced up from his fidgeting hands in his lap and locked eyes with his father. "It's just…" He sighed. "Why did you allow Axel to join the Organization when you won't let me?"_

_Xemnas mirrored his son's frown, but then snorted in bewilderment. "I didn't let you join the Organization because you're my son. If the fighting is what you're after, you'll be placed in battle when the time comes. I just don't think that the Organization is suitable to your needs."_

_Riku sighed and rested his head in his hands. It had been almost two months since Axel had joined Organization XIII, and already Riku had seen less of him than ever. He missed his best friend. Where was the boy he could talk to about anything? Who was there whenever he needed him? Sometimes Riku couldn't help but think that Axel was going to replace him…_

_Sixteen-years-old. Axel was sobbing, and Riku was desperately trying to console him to no avail. The boy's tears were full of so much pain that they forced tears into Riku's eyes as well._

"_I can't do this, Riku. Make him come back!"_

_Riku cooed quietly and ran a gentle hand back through Axel's hair. "I can't make him come back, Ax. He's gone. It was his choice, and there's nothing we can do to change it."_

"_Gods, Roxas…," Axel moaned and fell into another painful bout of tears._

_As if on their own accord, Riku's eyes narrowed. Roxas had better have a good reason for abandoning Axel so suddenly, or else he was going to be in for a whole world of hell…_

_Eighteen-years-old. That face. _His _face. The face of an angel was walking just ahead of him in the busy market place. Those beautiful blue eyes looked upon the people of Kurai in amusement, and it was dreadfully obvious that the boy wasn't from the kingdom. He was just too perfect and innocent to be from a kingdom full of such corrupt and sullied people._

_Riku never would have dreamt in a million years that that boy would become the love his lives…_

**o-o-o-o-o**

I don't know how long I slept, drifting in and out of memories I would have given anything to keep sealed away. Was it only hours? Days? Weeks? The dreary darkness of the dungeon permitted no sunlight, and therefore no way to tell the time. Only the gods knew how long I had been locked up in the place.

However long I had been locked away didn't matter, though. The only thing that I cared about was that I was alive. That and the small huddled figure in the corner of the cell. It hadn't been there when I had fallen asleep.

Frowning to myself, I struggled onto my hands and knees and crawled over to the figure.

"Hey…," I muttered and poked its cloaks gently, but there was no sign of movement.

My frown deepening, I sent out my mind to try and poke and prod at the figure, but didn't get anywhere with that either. All I could see was the barely there aura that surrounded the person, letting me know that they were alive.

But then the figure moved, and even in the darkness I could see an arm flop carelessly out of the mass of cloaks. A blood-stained hand.

I was across the cell in a flash, faster than I could have ever imagined I could move. So_ that's_ why they were in the cell with me. Father was going to be awfully angry with me when I refused the invitation. I refused to be a murderer. Even if they were in pain, this person was still alive, and I wouldn't reduce myself to a cold blooded killer.

Even so, my stomach betrayed me and my eyes flashed dangerously. As I let out a growl of frustration at my body's betrayal, everything became brighter. I could suddenly see the cracks in the walls of the cell from where the cement had fallen away. I looked to the hand lying on the floor and the blood was the most vibrant crimson I had ever seen.

If I didn't know any better, I would have thought that someone had finally lit the torches along the dungeon's corridors. But even then, the light they would shed was nothing like this. No. This wasn't light. It was darkness. I was changing, and there was nothing I could to stop it.

'_Riku? Hey, it's Sora. I miss you.'_

A vicious growl tore out of my throat at the sudden sound of Sora's voice in my head. Was I starting to hallucinate now? I remembered that the change was cruel, but this just wasn't fair! What had I ever done to deserve any of this?

The voice continued to talk, but I tried my hardest to ignore it. I knew that there was no way for me to control the change, but I could keep my thoughts and inner most desires from driving me insane. I couldn't help but try to control the change, though. Even when I found myself crawling towards the shivering figure on the floor against my will, I was trying to ignore it. If only I could ignore the hunger. But the scent of blood was so strong now that the change had already started. The sweet scent of copper seemed to permeate the cell and nearly drove me insane.

But then Sora's angry voice exploded in my head, making me scream out in agony at the force of the sudden mental attack.

'_Why won't you answer me, dammit? I want to know where you are, if you're okay. Are you even alive? How am I supposed to know what's going on if you won't talk to me? You _promised_ that you would keep me updated, remember? Can't you even at least do that? Just give me a chance to hear your voice. That's all I ask for! Please, just give me a sign that you're okay.'_

I collapsed onto the ground when my arms couldn't bear to hold my weight any longer. Tears were falling down my face. The voice carried too much emotion to be fake. It really _was _Sora, and the sound of his voice worked as an antidote, forcing the change into reverse and returning me to the weak mess I had been before I caught sight of the hand.

'_I'm sorry,'_ I sent weakly, as if it could make up for ignoring him. Who knew what he could have possibly been thinking while waiting for my reply.

'_Riku? Riku! Oh, gods, are you okay? Where are you?'_

The amount of relief in his voice sent a sad smile to my face. _'I don't know. I'm alive, if that's what you're wondering.'_

That one lie seemed to set off a trigger in my head and suddenly I knew that I couldn't let him know what was going on. I knew that I had promised to keep him informed, but I just couldn't. I didn't think that he would be able to take the news, especially about Axel.

'_What don't you know?' _he asked a few seconds later.

I laughed. _'If I'm okay, where I am… It's all just…darkness. Axel is with me, I think. Someone else is in here with me, but they won't talk. I keep feeling the brush of Axel's mind against mind, so I think it's him.'_

Lies, lies, and more lies.

He moaned quietly and I could almost see him lying on his couch, curled up in a tight ball. _'You sound like shit.'_

I laughed again. _'Thanks, I guess.'_

'_Why haven't you said anything to me before now? I've been having one-sided conversations everyday since a couple of days after you left and I never got a response once.'_

'_I'm sorry. I think they bewitched us. I tried to talk to you. Gods, how I tried, but I couldn't. And thank you for talking to me. If it wasn't for your voice, I think the darkness would have carried me away by now.'_

Gods, if I wasn't already in Hell, I was going there for sure once my father finally decided to off me. I hadn't even known that Sora was trying to contact me. Why was that? Had I accidentally closed my mind off to him while trying to keep my father away?

A choked sob filled my head and I had to remind myself that he wasn't really there when I started to reach out for him. _'Don't cry, Love. Everything will be okay, I promise. Just stick to the plan, okay? Everything will be fine.'_

'_I miss you,'_ he said through tears. _'I miss you so much.'_

I sighed quietly and sent my mind out to caress his gently in an attempt to give him whatever comfort I could. I knew that it wasn't much, but it seemed to be enough if the sound of his quiet sigh was anything to go by.

'_I miss you too, Sora. More than anything. But I need you to be strong for me, okay? I need you to be strong for everyone. You're our light in the darkness. We need you to be strong now more than ever because if you give into the darkness then we'll all fall.'_

'_Nice way to make me feel better,'_ he whispered.

I laughed. _'I know that it's hard, but it'll all be worth it in the end. Trust me.'_ I caressed his mind again to give my words even more meaning. _'It's not all for nothing. We'll put an end to Ansem and Xemnas' reigns once and for all and free our people. It just can't happen overnight.'_

'_I know.'_

Footsteps sounded somewhere in the corridor outside of my cell and I sighed. _'I have to go, Love. I'm afraid that they may realize that their magick has worn off.'_

'_Okay.'_

I laughed. _'Promise that you won't stop talking to me? Even if I don't answer?'_

'_Of course. I love you.'_

'_I love you, too,' _I said, and with a final caress of my mind against his, I minimized the link and closed my eyes as exhaustion started to creep over me.

Unfortunately, I didn't have long to rest as the footsteps I had heard moments before stopped directly outside of my cell. When the door swung open I didn't bother to lift my head and see who it was. It didn't matter.

"My, my. I would have thought you'd have devoured this poor soul by now. A pity, really."

I squeezed my eyes closed tighter at the sound of that voice, fighting back a sudden onslaught of tears. Fuck, fuck, fuck! He was the last person I wanted to see at the moment.

A quiet laugh. "Oh, come on, Riku. I know you're awake. Get off your lazy ass. Xemnas wants to see you."

I didn't move from my crumpled position on the floor, but I did open my eyes, if only so I could make sure that what I was hearing was real. And it was. Axel was standing in the open doorway to my cell, his eyes shining as he smiled his trademark cocky grin.

"Axel…," I whimpered.

I couldn't hold the tears back anymore. They spilled from my eyes and cascaded down my cheeks like waterfalls. I knew that this "Axel" would only see my tears as weakness, so I refused to let myself sob in front of him.

The redhead laughed again. "Geez, you don't have to be such a spaz, you know? It's just your dad."

"Fuck you!" I cried. "You don't know anything."

When Axel's eyes flashed dangerously I inwardly prepared myself for the attack that was sure to follow. He didn't remember that I was his best friend so he had no reason to hold himself back. He would kill me and feel no remorse. The thought only made my tears fall harder.

But the attack never came. Instead, Axel walked into the cell and sat cross-legged on the floor beside me. I couldn't do anything but stare up at him in shock and despair. A small smile twitched at the corners of his lips as he reached out and brushed a lock of my hair away from my face.

"It's okay," he whispered. "Don't worry."

My eyes widened, and Axel smiled brightly, cupping the side of my face in a hand.

"You…you…"

He bit his lip and nodded. "Yeah. Like I said, don't worry. Me, Demyx, and Zexion have everything under control. Just go along with it, okay?"

I nodded and couldn't resist the urge to embrace him. I threw my arms around his shoulders and buried my face in the crook of his neck as I cried out the rest of my tears. Axel laughed quietly and held me gently, running a hand through my hair in long, even stokes.

Once I was all cried out, Axel helped me get to my feet and led me out of the cell. He didn't hold onto me to help me walk like Demyx had, but he stayed close enough so he could grab me if I started to fall. And I had to admit, it was terribly difficult to try and look miserable with my life when I now knew that Axel was okay. Zexion hadn't been lying when he'd said that he could put Axel's memories back. Unless…

I sighed and glanced at Axel out of the corner of my eye. What if this was all part of my father's plans? What if after regaining his memories, Axel was told to act like he was my best friend and go along with whatever I did? It would be logical if Father hadn't have told me about their plans for the redhead. Would he really expect me to trust someone after he had told me that he had had their old memories erased and new ones implanted?

I froze where I stood. It took Axel a few steps to realize that I had stopped, but then he returned to my side with a frown on his face.

"What's up?" he asked, cocking his head to the side as he closely examined my face.

I frowned and locked eyes with his. I had to test him, to ask him something that only Axel would know. But what could I possibly ask? A small smile graced my lips when something flitted into my mind.

"What's the most sensitive part of my body during sex?" I asked quickly.

Axel blinked stupidly for a moment, then took a step backward, a look of pure bewilderment on his face. "Wh-what?"

I smiled. "What's the most sensitive part of my body during sex?" I repeated. Maybe it wasn't a question that only Axel would know, but the only other person who should know the answer to the question was Sora so I had no problems.

Axel frowned and looked at me with a furrowed brow. "Where did that come from all of a sudden?"

"Just…" I looked up at him with pleading eyes. "Please just answer me, Axel."

He continued to stare at me for a couple of seconds, but then smiled. As if it were the most casual thing in the world, he leaned forward until I was pressed against a wall and licked a small line against the flesh directly behind my ear. As if the shiver that rippled through my body weren't enough, Axel stepped away from me with a cocky smirk on his face.

"It's me, Riku. Geez." He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest, raising an eyebrow. "And why'd you have to pick _that_ question? You know that I know other secret stuff about you that you probably haven't shared with anyone else."

I shrugged and smiled sheepishly. "It was the first thing I could think of."

Axel snorted and rolled his eyes before he turned his back to me and beckoned for us to start walking again. I obeyed immediately and we continued the rest of our walk in silence.

When we stopped outside the tall doors of my father's office, I felt a heavy anvil fall into the pit of my stomach. I could only imagine what was going to happen once I went in there, especially after my act of defiance during our last visit.

Axel's soft hand on my shoulder sent a wave of calm surging through my body. I was going to be fine because Axel was there. He was going to be standing outside the door so he would help me if I needed it. Right? No, because then it would give away that he had been implanted with his old memories instead of the new ones. But still, just knowing that he was going to be there gave me the strength to smile a little.

Axel returned the smile and knocked twice on the door in front of us, just as Demyx had done. We waited patiently for what felt like an eternity before the door was pulled open to reveal my father with a large, what I guess was supposed to be welcoming grin on his face.

"Thank you for bringing him up here," he said to Axel, who nodded curtly. "We're just going to have a little talk, so if you'll just wait outside…"

Axel nodded again and moved so he was standing beside the door. I watched him desperately. The look must have pleased my father because he laughed before he grabbed onto my arm and roughly pulled me into the office.

To say that I was surprised when I was shoved down into a chair and, with a snap of my father's fingers, bound at the wrists and ankles so I couldn't move would be an understatement. Against my better judgment, I immediately started to struggle against the bonds to no avail. He was prepared for an attack this time, even though he knew as well as I did that I didn't have the strength within me to use any sort of magick.

"I've got a few things to say to you, boy," my father said as he settled down behind his desk, a malicious smirk on his face, "and this time you're going to listen."

TBC…  
**-------------------------------------------------------**  
A/N: Voila. LoL. And, no, that's not it. Because this would have been more than 20 pages if I kept writing, I've decided to make the next chapter an ((Another Side, Another Story)) installment as well. I'm hoping that'll be okay, since most of you have been asking for more from Riku anyway…

**A NOTE!** I started work again yesterday..._::sighs::_...I'm with kindergarten this year and I can already sense that I'm going to be exhausted everyday when I get home. I also start school again on August 27th, and I'm taking creative writing this semester. Put them both together and I have a feeling that I'm not going to be able to work much on my own recreational stuff. I will try my damnedest to work on it whenever I can (which will probably mostly be the weekends), but I'm going to focus on finishing "Solitude" before school starts because there's only 3 chapters left. Sorry...but I'm not going to be able to do them both once I'm back in school...

Anyway...thank you very much to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter. You're all great! _::hugs::_…

Until the next chapter, adieu…


	9. AS, AS: Hand of Sorrow

OMFG! I'M ALIVE!!! Hehe...

This chapter was a freakin' bitch…_::grumbles::_…Once I had about four pages written, I got an idea to change something within the first two pages, which led to me having to change pretty much everything that was on the other two pages…_::sighs::_…Oh, well. It was fun, even though I have a feeling that I'm straying a bit to far away from my original plans for this part of the fic…_::shrugs::_…

Anyway…Thank you to everyone for you support and understanding over the past couple of months. It really meant a lot to me to know that you all were okay with the fact that I needed to take some time to center myself. You're all truly amazing people and I love you…

Welp, I guess I should get on with the story, huh? Hehe. Enjoy!!…

WARNINGS: language…

**Disclaimer: **the characters and worlds of _Kingdom Hearts _belong to Square Enix and Disney…

"…_The curse of his powers tormented his life  
__Obeying the crown was a sinister crime  
__His soul was tortured by love and by pain  
__He surely would flee but the oath made him stay_

_He's torn between his honor and the true love of his life  
__He prayed for both but was denied_

_So many dreams are broken and so much we sacrifice  
__Was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind?  
__So many years have past toward a noble land of lies  
__Will all our sins be justified?…"_

—"_Hand of Sorrow" Within Temptation…_

**((Another Side, Another Story))  
Hand of Sorrow…**

If I had been anyone else, I would have been unsettled by the cruel smirk that was stretched across my father's face. As it was, I had seen that smile so often in the past that it didn't have the effect on me that he had been expecting, and it showed. At my indifference to his "cockiness," my father let the smirk falter and leaned forward, resting his forearms on his desk with his hands clasped.

"Why are you being so difficult, Riku? Why do you insist on turning against your kingdom?"

I snorted and rolled my eyes, trying to look as unconcerned as a person bound to a chair against their will could possibly look. "Because I know what you're planning and I want no part of it. Not only are you going to kill thousands of people, but they're going to be _Sora's_ people. I can't let you do that."

Xemnas laughed and shook his head, running a hand back through his hair. "Why have you let him do this to you again, my son? Why subject yourself to this?"

"Sora hasn't done anything but love me," I muttered.

"Can't you see?" he shouted, pounding his desk so hard with his fists that it made me jump. "He's made you sick like him, polluted your mind with talk of love."

"Sick?" I laughed incredulously. "You think he's made me _sick_? Love isn't a disease, Father. It's a gift, or did you forget that when you practically killed Mom?"

The man laughed coldly and narrowed his eyes. "She betrayed the kingdom. If she didn't want things to end that way, then she should have thought of her actions beforehand."

"She was your wife!" I shouted. "How can you say something like that?"

"Your mother got what she deserved for betraying us!"

"She did it out of love!"

"Out of love or not, it was still treason and the correct punishment had to be enforced."

I scowled and glared at my father, following his movements as he moved from behind his desk with my eyes. It was all for naught. Because of my lack of blood intake, my reaction time was slower than it usually would have been. I blinked and he was before me, his face inches from my own and my face gripped tightly in his hands.

"You can't forget where you were born, Riku. Like it or not, you are royalty and one day this kingdom could be yours. You need to learn to put your people before yourself or your family members. It's just the way it is."

"My people?" I laughed. "Since when have they been _my_ people? They've always just been _your_ people or _Sephiroth's_ people. What's with the sudden generosity?"

He smirked and pulled away from me, patting my cheeks gently before he took a step away. "They've always been yours, Son. Ever since the day you were born."

I scoffed and narrowed my eyes. "Don't tell me you're trying to bribe me or something now…"

"No, I wouldn't call it bribing, per say." He turned and smirked at me. "More like…making you understand just what is at stake here and that you need to start taking responsibility for your actions."

I snorted. "I have taken full responsibility of my actions and you know it."

He cocked his head to the side. "Have you?"

"Oh, are you serious?" My arms itched with the strong urge to throw them into the air. Damned restraints. "Of course I have. I have never once denied my love for Sora or tried to come up with some bullshit reason for being unable to kill him in the past. I know what I feel and I take full responsibility for those feelings, no matter what you or anyone else thinks."

Xemnas sighed and slowly made his way back to his desk, sliding gracefully into his chair before turning his attention onto me once again. "If you leave his kingdom and do anything to aid your boyfriend and Roxas, it will be treason and you will be punished without mercy. You should only pray that your mind is stronger than your mothers."

With a snap of his hands, the bindings around my ankles and wrists disappeared and I was free. I rubbed the flesh of my wrists gingerly, but was unable to tear my eyes away from my father's face. For the first time in years, it looked like he was feeling true sadness.

"Have you been to see her?" I whispered.

He sighed and shook his head, running a hand back through his hair. "No. I can't bring myself to do it. I never believed that what I had done in a past life would have carried with her into the future."

I snorted. "You should have thought of that beforehand."

He lifted his head to glare at me, but it fell far from its mark. Instead, he sighed heavily and ran a hand back through his hair.

"We really need your help, Riku."

"I don't care wh…" I blinked and furrowed my brow, letting my voice fade out when what he had said finally set in. "Excuse me?"

He sighed again and the look of desperation on his face brought a frown to my lips. "We need your help. Our people have lost faith in us."

"They've lost faith in _you_, you mean?"

"Either way, we need you. They need a face to represent them, someone to give them strength. They can't seem to find that in us anymore."

I laughed coldly. "I'm not going to support this country as long as you insist on continuing the war with Akari. I will become the face of this nation when there is peace."

"Ansem is the one who insisted on continuing this war," my father spat. "Not that I tried all that I could to prevent it from happening, but he is the one who led the first attack. We are only in this to defend ourselves. You should know that dammit!" He pounded his fists on his desk. "You were here when it happened. I don't understand why you persist on blaming me for everything that has happened."

"I have every right to blame you, _Father_," I spat. "Not only did you treat me cruelly in the past, but you continue to do so now. You beat me and then locked me in the dungeons upon my return to Kurai, so tell me why I shouldn't blame you for anything?"

"Dammit, Riku." He shoved himself up from his chair and stomped across the room. I flinched when he reached for me, but was surprised when he only grasped my face gently in his hands. Even though I didn't want to look at him, I couldn't bring myself to tear my gaze from his own. "_Son_. This has nothing to do with the qualms you have with me. Our people _need_ you. Of all the people in Kurai, you are the only one to have let light into your heart and become you. They need someone who doesn't have biased judgment. They need someone who _knows_ what needs to be done, not someone who only thinks they know. They need _you_, Son."

I furrowed my brow and opened my mouth to speak. Nothing came out. I tried again, only to reach the same frustrating feat.

"Defend your honor, Riku. Defend your _kingdom_. Prove to all the people of Kurai that they have someone they can rely on, someone to be their strength. They need that now more than ever."

I frowned and bit my lip. There was a catch. There had to be a catch. My father was never kind to me unless there was something in it for him to gain. I never got the chance to ask, though. As I was opening my mouth, he snapped his fingers and the sound of a door opening echoed throughout the room.

"Yes, Superior."

"Take Riku to his room. Make sure he is bathed and fed, but if I hear that anyone supplied him with blood they will be killed."

"Yes, Sir." I could picture Axel bowing behind me and the thought made me cringe.

My father turned to me and narrowed his eyes. "We will continue our talk later. I expect you to pay your mother a visit once you have washed."

I frowned, but nodded and quickly stood from the chair. Axel was waiting for me beside the door. He made sure to keep his face in perfect composure until the door closed behind us in my bed chamber.

"I swear…I was expecting that I was gonna have to carry your beaten and bloody body down to the dungeons." He sighed and ran a hand back through his hair.

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "Gee, thanks."

"Well Jesus, Riku. You saw the look on his face when you went in there. I figured he was gonna torture you or something." He sighed again. "I mean, I'm glad that he didn't, but—"

"Axel…," I interrupted and turned to glare at him. "Just shut up, please."

He nodded, his eyes wide, and fell down onto my bed. With the silence echoing around the room, I took a moment to look around, unsurprised to find that the room was in the same shape I had left in. It was tidy with ebony furniture. The sheets on my bed were still silver, the comforter and sheer curtains over my windows still the same pale green. It was kind of eerie. More than a thousand years had passed and everything still looked the same.

Sighing heavily, I went to Axel's side and collapsed onto my feather mattress, my thoughts reeling. What was I going to do? My honor or Sora? I would choose Sora when it came down to it, of course, but… I rubbed my temples gently and a small smile tugged at the corners of my lips. Maybe I could help if I agreed with what my father was suggesting. Maybe I could so something to end the pointless war.

It came as no surprise to me when sleep began to tug at the corners of my mind after a couple of minutes lying on my bed. And who was I to deny it? A power nap sounded good anyway.

**o-o-o-o-o**

Axel shook me awake a little while later, greeting me with a bright smile when I opened my bleary eyes.

"'Morning, Sunshine!" he chirruped, poking me playfully on the cheek before bouncing off the bed.

I grumbled something even I couldn't understand under my breath and buried my head beneath the covers I had somehow managed to end up under while sleeping. Axel sighed and I had just enough time to prepare myself before he dove onto the bed and yanked the covers back from my head, simultaneously attacking my sides with his fingers while he did.

"I know you're sleepy but you gotta get up!" he muttered five minutes later, nursing a bloody cheek from where I'd managed to punch him three times.

"But my bed's so comfortable," I groaned.

He snorted and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well if you don't get outta bed and bathe yourself soon your father's gonna come stormin' in here wonderin' why you haven't been to see your mom yet. That being said, I suggest you get outta bed before you get your ass kicked."

When I refused to move, Axel grabbed onto my arm and managed to pull me into an upright position. "Seriously, Riku. You gotta get up."

I sighed and shook my arm out of his grip, swinging my legs over the side of my bed once I was free. It wasn't long before Axel whisked me away to my bathroom and shoved me into an already prepared bath, and it was the most amazing thing I had felt in a while. The heated water cleansed the blood and dirt and only the gods knew what else from my skin and the soaps smelled wonderful. When I was finished, I felt as close to refreshed as it was possible for me to get in such a situation.

Axel was waiting for me on my bed when I finally left the bathroom dressed in clean clothes and with brushed hair for the first time in what felt like years. I couldn't help but smile when he whistled at me and insisted that I spin in a circle.

"Lookin' good, 'Ku." He laughed at the glare I aimed at him. "Seriously, your mom's gonna love it."

The mention of my mother made me freeze almost instantly, and a surge of sadness went straight to my heart. Axel seemed to notice my sudden change of mood. He frowned and quickly pulled me to him in a tight embrace.

"I'm sorry," he muttered into my hair. "Really, really sorry. I shouldn't have said anything about her."

I shook my head. "No, no. I guess it's better to talk about her before I actually go in and see her. It's been a couple of years since the last time. I dunno…" I choked as I attempted to hold back a sob. "I dunno if she'll even recognize me."

Axel smiled sadly and ran a hand back through my hair. "Even if she doesn't, she'll still be proud. She's got the best damn son I've ever been graced to have as a best friend. Something in her will know that, no matter what. You can never really forget your children."

I sighed and tried my hardest to smile when Axel pulled me back to arms length. He smiled as well—a brief twitching of his lips before they went back to being straight again—and patted me playfully on the cheek.

"Come on. Let's do this thing. When we're done we can come back here and discuss our next plan of action…or whatever you wanna call it."

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "You sure you wanna be so peachy with me right now? I mean, Father probably has eyes on me everywhere. I'm surprised that he's given me any shreds of peace in my bedroom."

"Of course I do. Besides, I can always say that I tricked you into believing that he had given me my memories back and that I was trying to weed information out of you. He's sick enough to believe it."

I shrugged. "We could try it, but…" I sighed. "Is it really worth the risk?"

Axel snorted. "It's too late to start worrying about taking risks, Riku."

"Yeah, I know. I just…" I sighed and let my shoulders hunch.

Axel frowned and cocked his head to the side, lifting my chin with a hand so he could look into my eyes. "What's up? You've been acting strange ever since you talked with Xemnas."

I opened my mouth to tell him, but closed it almost immediately afterwards. I needed to take some time to sort out my own stupid thoughts before I could tell Axel anything. Hell, I didn't even know what to say. "Yeah, well, he thinks I should become the face of the people of Kurai. You know…give 'em support and shit." Even if I didn't use those exact words to tell him, it would still come out ridiculous. I doubt he'd even believe me if I were to tell him anyway.

"It's nothing," I muttered after a few minutes of silence, turning my face so it fell out of Axel's gentle grip before I headed towards my door. "Let's go see my mom, okay? Before I chicken out."

He smiled sadly and wrapped an arm around my shoulders so he could squeeze me to him briefly. "Yeah, let's do it."

The moment my door was pulled open, Axel took on his stoic façade. He never strayed more than a foot away from my side and even reached out and grabbed onto my arm so he could yank me viciously when we happened to pass by Larxene in the hallway. The blonde woman smirked darkly at me and patted Axel on the shoulder in praise.

"Protecting our favorite little traitor, I see." She smirked at me again. "Seems like the Superior really trusts your judgment. Strange."

Axel smiled and nodded curtly. "I am honored that he has given me the chance to redeem myself."

Larxene smiled coldly. "We'll have more time to talk at the next meeting I'm sure," she said, walking away as she spoke, "but right now there is somewhere more important that I need to be."

"Yeah. We'll talk later."

The blonde threw her hand out in front of her as she walked and a portal of swirling black, blue, and purple formed out of thin air. A deep cold filled the corridor and chilled me to my very core. It took everything I had to keep myself from hugging my arms around myself for warmth. It would have been for nothing anyway. As she walked into the darkness, ever once hesitating, I couldn't help but to hold my breath until it closed behind her.

"So everyone is still as lazy as they were in the past." Axel snorted. "If it weren't for training Larxene would have an ass as big as Texas. Now that would be funny."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah."

Without missing a beat, Axel slipped his mask back over his face and we started to walk again. The silence was tense. I was itching to start a conversation with him, but I knew that anything of the sort would make my father suspicious and that just wouldn't do. I had a feeling that life was going to be difficult enough without him throwing me back in the dungeons again. At least Axel would probably be with me then. That might make it a bit easier.

A few minutes later we stopped outside of a room that I recognized immediately. I peered in through the propped door and saw one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. She was sitting under the blankets of her bed with a book held loosely in her hand. Her eyes roamed back and forth across the pages, and her hand moved every so often to tuck a lose lock of blonde hair that had fallen from the bun at the back of her head behind an ear.

I hated to interrupt her, but I knocked lightly on the door. She started slightly and the book fell from her hands to land safely on the bed. She seemed to size Axel and me up slowly with her eyes before she sighed and beckoned us in with the flick of a wrist.

"Come in, come in." She patted an empty place on her bed. "So many visitors today. I wonder what the occasion is."

I smiled sadly and took a seat beside her. "Maybe you're just popular today."

She laughed airily and shook her head, shaking her long gold hair free from its loose bun. The locks tumbled freely over her shoulders and lit up her aquamarine eyes.

"Popularity is overrated," she sighed. "It would be nice to have some peace."

Axel laughed as he settled down into the chair beside the bed. "Aw, but peace is so boring, Mitsuko."

"Ah, yes, yes. You would know wouldn't you? You're always stirring up such a fuss around here."

The redhead shrugged and smiled sheepishly. "Not as much as Demyx, though."

She laughed. "Of course not. That boy makes enough noise for the entire kingdom."

The three of us erupted into laughter for a couple of seconds and then silence filled the room. It was awkward and strained. It was obvious that none of us knew what to say next. My mother watched me curiously with her head cocked to the side, and I refused to look away from wall across from me. I could feel Axel's eyes burning into the side of my face as he stared at me. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, my mother opened her mouth and spoke quietly.

"How are you, Son?"

I let out a breath I hadn't even known I'd been holding and embraced her gently. She remembered me. Gods, I had been so scared that she would forget.

My mother laughed and cupped my face gently in her hand when I pulled away. Our green eyes locked and we stared at each other, reading the other's mind. Only when she kissed me on the forehead did I blink and turn away.

"He wants me to step forward."

The collective gasps from Axel and my mother made me wince. Axel leaned forward in his chair and put a hand on my thigh.

"Why didn't you say anything? What are you going to do?"

I sighed and ran a hand back through my hair. "I don't know. I know that I should do it because the people need me, but I feel like I'll be betraying Sora in some way if I do."

"I knew that he would do something like that to you," my mother muttered and reached out to hold my hands. "Is there anything we can do to help?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't want to get you guys involved. Axel's not even supposed to be acting worried right now."

She furrowed her brow and looked back and forth between me and Axel. "He's your best friend. He's supposed to be worried."

Axel laughed nervously. "Yeah. He…uh…sucked out my memories and made me a vegetable, and then Zexion implanted 'false' memories so I would hate Riku." My mother gasped, but he spoke before up before she could open her mouth. "But obviously things didn't go the way he planned. But he doesn't know that, so…" He put a finger to his mouth and made a "sh"ing noise.

"Gods… How could he do that to you? You're his son for the gods sakes."

I snorted. "Well, you saw how he treated me in the past. Why should things be any different now?"

"He had me believing that he'd changed," she growled.

"That's what he does," Axel muttered. "He manipulates people for fun. He's just a sick bastard like that."

"Well, you need to run. Get out of here somehow. Both of you."

I shook my head. "We can't. He'll kill us if we do."

"So you're going to stay here and live a lie?" my mother argued. "It doesn't make any sense."

"I'm not going to live a lie!" I whispered heatedly. "I'm going to step forward and become the strength of the people of Kurai so I can try to bring peace. It'll probably be all for naught, but at least I'll know that I tried everything in my power to keep the war at bay."

My mother sighed and ran a hand back through my hair soothingly. I closed my eyes and leaned into her caresses, letting each of her strokes brush away my confusion, if only for the moment.

"You are strong," she whispered after a few minutes of silence.

I opened my eyes and she cupped the side of my face in her hand. "I agree with your plan, but I want you to know that you need to be careful. Don't fall for any of your father's games and…" She erupted into a fit of violent coughs, covering her mouth with the red stained handkerchief that lay on her bedside table. More red covered the white cloth when she returned it to the table.

"Oh, Mom. You're not getting any better. Aren't they even doing anything?"

She laughed, the sound bringing up a few more weak coughs. "There's nothing they can do to make me better. They say that it's a drug resistant form of the disease. It's rare, but it happens, even in the normal 'human' world."

I furrowed my brow and was about to ask why they didn't try healing, but thought better of it. No one in Kurai had the gift of healing. We were too tainted by the darkness to be granted something as light as that. It was sad.

"So there's nothing they can do?"

She shook her head and smiled sadly. "No. All that's left is for me to live out the rest of my life as normally as possible."

"They're not going to put you on anymore medicine are they? They've always got you doped up and it makes you forget who we are. It scares me."

"They said that they'll only put me on the medicine when it becomes too painful for me to bear. If things go well, it will be a while before I have to deal with anything like that."

"We can only hope," I sighed and ran a hand back through my hair, closing my eyes as I did. "I wonder if Sora and Roxas are doing alright."

Axel snorted and rolled his eyes. "Knowing the two of them, they're busy worrying their little brains out over our well being when they should be focusing on themselves and what they're going to do."

I snorted. "That sounds about right."

"I'd like to meet Sora."

I frowned and turned my attention back onto my mother, putting a hand on top of one of hers when I saw the distant look in her eyes.

"You'll meet him sometime, Mom. I promise."

She smiled sadly. "I feel like I've missed out on so much of your life. Last time I was so ill that they quarantined me and now I'm stuck in bed with yet another life threatening disease." She laughed. "I just can't win for losing, I guess."

"Don't talk like that, Mom. You'll get over this, I know you will. There has to be something they can do. If things don't go they way we've planned and Sora and Roxas end up here, maybe Sora can try to heal you." Axel sighed and opened his mouth, but I glared at him before he could speak. "It's worth a shot, and it'll be better to try and fail than to not try and have it turn out that he would have been able to fix her."

I closed my eyes and let the silence that followed my argument fill my mind. What was I going to do next? How was I going to pull off stepping forward and bringing peace with my father breathing down my neck? How was I going to make sure Sora and Roxas were kept safe? Each question and more bombarded my thoughts and soon had me opening my eyes with a heavy sigh.

"I don't know what I'm doing," I whispered desolately.

"None of us do. Know what we're doing, I mean."

I sighed and looked at Axel, who smiled sadly but didn't say anything more. I turned my gaze onto my mother and she cupped my face in her hands.

"No matter what your decisions, I'm sure everything will be alright."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better."

She smiled brightly and patted the side of my face playfully. "Maybe, but I'm sure that I'm right. The only thing we have to do is keep your father in check."

"He seemed regretful of the war when he was talking to me earlier."

"Yeah, and he's a lying sack of shit. What else is new?"

I frowned and glared at Axel. "What if he really means it this time?"

He snorted. "Xemnas will be regretful of a war when he's dead. Until then, there's nothing he can do or say to make me change my mind about him. Besides, I can't believe you're so easily swayed."

"I'm not 'easily swayed,' I'm just trying to be optimistic for once in my damned life."

"Yeah, and for someone so optimistic you're awfully pessimistic, Mr. I Don't Know What I'm Doing."

"Fuck you."

"I thought you were over that."

"Stop fighting, boys!" my mother shouted. The stress on her vocal chords made her break down into another fit of coughing.

"Gods, Mom," I whispered once the coughs had calmed and I made her lie back in her bed. "This scares me."

She smiled in a self-depreciating sort of way. "It's nice to know that someone really cares. You know that neither your father nor brother have been to see me?"

"I know."

She sighed and snuggled down into her blankets. "I think I'm going to sleep for now, okay? Everything will be fine, I promise. Just don't forget to stop by and visit your dear old mother every once in a while."

"I would never forget," I whispered and leaned forward so I could kiss her gently on the cheek.

She laughed quietly. "That's nice to know. Now go. I'll be alright."

I frowned and kissed her one last time before pushing myself up from the bed. Axel followed me out the door, and I allowed myself one last glance into the room before I pulled the door closed. My mother was already asleep, her chest rising and falling in the way it only does in slumber.

I started to walk away without saying a word to Axel. I was still irked at the way he had thrown my own words back at me in such a sarcastic tone of voice. I can't deny that I didn't know he was sarcastic beforehand, but there hadn't been a reason for him to be so pissy with me.

"You're ignoring me."

I laughed quietly and shrugged. Axel sighed and I saw him shove his hands deep into his pockets out of the corner of my eye.

"Look… I'm sorry, okay? I dunno where it came from, but I didn't mean any of it. I guess I just got a little caught up in the unease of everything. I never knew how to handle anxiety very well."

I snorted. "Things usually get burned when you're anxious. Guess I was lucky."

"Yeah, I guess," he muttered.

I stopped short in the hallway and turned so I could face him. I knew that it was dangerous for the two of us to be talking so casually with one another in the hallway, but I couldn't let him keep going in such a bad mood. He was Axel. His name and gloominess didn't tend to blend together well in a sentence.

"I'm over it, Ax. Don't worry, okay?"

He shrugged and I sighed. Before he could protest, I grabbed onto his wrist and pulled him down the hallway. When we arrived in my room, I shoved him down onto my bed, returning to the door to close and lock it so we wouldn't be disturbed.

"What's going on with you?"

He shook his head and I jumped on him, pinning him to the bed. He grumbled and tried to get away, but I moved so I was straddling his waist and held each of his wrists at either side of his head.

"Don't lie to me," I growled.

"You're really going to step forward and be that bastard's puppet, aren't you?"

"_That's_ what you're worried about?" I laughed and brushed a lock of hair away from his face. "You honestly think that I would let my father control me?"

"He's forbidden anyone from giving you blood, Riku. You're not going to be able to…stay the way you are for much longer without it."

"I know. We'll worry about that when it happens."

"No!" His shout brought my eyes to his own and I was surprised to see the ferocity swimming in their depths. "We can't worry about it when it happens because then you won't even be sensible enough to worry about such a thing. Hell, Riku. The next time you see a drop of blood could drive you over the edge. What are you gonna do then? You'll make a fine face for Kurai when you've transformed into the demon you really are inside."

He was right. Though I would have normally argued with him in such a situation, I couldn't bring myself to do it then. He was right and I knew that he was. There was nothing more to it. The blood lust had already started to tear at my sanity once, and I had only been able to hold it back because Sora managed to make contact with me. I didn't know how I would handle it if it happened again.

Sighing, I released Axel's arms and rolled to the side so I was lying next to him. We laid together and stared at the ceiling in silence for what felt like forever until he rolled onto his side and brushed my hair out of my face with a deft finger.

"When are you going to do it?"

I shrugged. "Not until I hear news from Sora saying that they got the letter. I'll take the time to get my bearings ready and hopefully I'll be strong enough to do something worthwhile once I hear from him."

He nodded. "Sounds like a plan."

"A weak one, but yeah… It's a plan."

"Gah. We're such a wreck." His laugh tapered off into a long yawn, which in turn caused me to yawn. "Jesus Christ. We just woke up an hour ago."

I laughed. "Yeah, well it's not like we have anything else to do, right?"

He shrugged and I managed to pull the blankets over both of us before curling into a ball. Just before I managed to drift off, Axel's voice filled my head.

"Everything will be fine, Riku. I promise."

First my mother, and now Axel… I laughed weakly. I really wished they would stop making promises they wouldn't be able to keep.

**o-o-o-o-o**

The following week or so went by as normal as possible. I chose to stay closed away in my room as much as I could. The only times I left were when my father needed to speak with me or when I decided to take some time and visit my mother. Either way, it was depressing. My father continued pressuring me into stepping forward and my mother seemed to be getting sicker by the day. Her coughing was vicious and her breathing was hard in her chest. Her skin seemed to be paler than usual too.

Axel spent quite a bit of time with me when I decided to lock myself away in my room. It seemed that my father had believed his story about him pretending that they returned his memories so he could weasel information out of me. It was quite funny, though it scared me at the same time. If Xemnas would fall for something that was so obviously a lie, then I didn't understand how he could run a kingdom. I couldn't help but wonder if he had seen through Axel's lie and was just letting us play our game. Life could get pretty difficult if that was how things were going.

The second I woke up on February twenty-ninth, I began to hold my breath. We had all estimated that Sora and Roxas would get the letter on their birthday. Now we would know whether we were right or wrong.

I refused to leave my room at all the entire day, only climbing out of bed once to let Axel in when he knocked. Together we curled up in my bed and muttered consoling words to each other under our breaths. As the day progressed, we began to grow worried, but then our worry dissipated and turned to relief. Maybe we had been wrong. Maybe the letter wasn't going to arrive on their birthday. But then when would they get it?

Finally, when I could have sworn my sanity was at its last thread, Sora's voice filled my head and surrounded me with an instant sense of calm.

'_Riku…'_

'_We got the letter. Roxas thinks that Ansem knows that we're going to try and run because he doesn't want us back until the end of March. And he wants us to go to New York instead of London. Oh, Riku. I don't understand what's going on. Why do they want us in New York when you all went to London? Ansem even sent Kairi and Naminé to London so he could open the gate for them. I just don't understand._

'_And now we have to go into the Grey because that's the only way we'll be sure to escape their radar for at least a little bit. Roxas says that more and more people are moving into the Grey despite the cruel lifestyle so they can escape the war, and he refuses to help them when we go there. They'll _die _if we don't help them, and I tried telling him that but he just shoved it aside. I just don't know what to do. I wish you were here. I wish you could tell me what I should do, or at least help me come to a decision.'_

The tears that marred his voice broke my heart and I longed to reach out and console him. I sent him the next best thing and brushed my mind against his gently. I could only hope that it helped.

'_I love you.'_

He lessened the link before I could answer. I tried to poke at it myself, but found that I didn't have enough power to open it enough to send a coherent message. I needed blood. Bad.

Instead of concentrating on my need for nourishment, I rubbed Axel's arm to rouse him from his doze. He sputtered quietly and opened bleary eyes, but sobered up immediately when he looked at my face.

"You heard something?"

I nodded. "They got the letter. Something's up 'cause Ansem doesn't want them back until the end of March, and now they're debating on running into the Grey."

"Shit." The word came out hissed. "There are scouts everywhere throughout the Grey."

"They're less likely to be found there than anywhere else, though."

He sighed. "Yeah, but… It's just… It's the Grey, Riku. They could wander out there forever before we have the chance to find them. What are we supposed to do then?"

"They'll be fine. They're strong, I know they are. They'll be able to take care of themselves."

"I hope you're right."

"I know." I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and stretched my arms toward the ceiling, cringing when my back popped in several places.

"Where are you going?"

I looked at Axel over my shoulder and smiled sadly. "It's time for me to start acting like a prince."

His eyes widened slightly and his mouth opened and closed like a fish. It would have been comical had the moment not been so serious.

"You're really gonna do it?"

I nodded. "I have to do something to help my people. If I don't do this then there's no chance that the war will end. I have to try."

Axel reached out and cupped the side of my face in his hand, running a thumb gently over my cheek. "You're not going into this alone."

I nuzzled into his palm and closed my eyes. "I know. Thank you."

He pulled his hand away and I let my eyes slide open. He smiled at me as he stood and held his hand out to me once he was straightened out.

"Well then… Let's get this over with."

I nodded and took his offered hand. I made sure to keep close to Axel as we made our way down the hall. I tried not to look like I was worried—like I was getting ready to sign my life away to Satan—but I don't think I managed to cover it well. Vexen and Larxene smirked viciously at us when we walked past, and Demyx's face swam with sadness and worry.

I couldn't help but gulp when we stopped outside the foreboding, oversized oak door.

Axel rapped sharply against the wood and we waited anxiously for my father's answer. Instead of his voice beckoning us in, the door opened itself and his smiling face welcomed us.

"Riku. Axel. What's the occasion?"

I dropped my eyes from my father's face and stared at the floor. Suddenly it was hard for me to breathe and a sweat had broken out across my brow. Wonderful. Things were going downhill and I hadn't even opened my mouth yet.

"Riku has something he would like to speak with you about, Sir," Axel said in response to my father's questioning gaze. He shoved me forward with a gentle hand in the middle of my back, and I finally had to look up.

"Is everything alright, Son?" Xemnas furrowed his brow and leaned back against his desk, his arms crossed over his chest as he looked me over. "You don't look well."

I shook my head and tried my hardest to smile. "No, everything is alright."

He smiled. "That's nice to hear. Now what do you need to speak with me about? I have a stack of papers that are begging for my signature on the corner of my desk."

"I…" My voice faltered and I forced myself to calm down by taking a breath and closing my eyes.

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten…_

I opened my eyes and looked deep into my father's eyes and was happy to see that no malice shined in them. Only curiosity…and a bit of worry. I nodded and straightened up, my courage returning to me bit by bit.

"Son…?"

I smiled and crossed my arms over my chest. "Father, I'm ready. It's time for me to accept that I am a prince, tied to this kingdom. I need to care for my people."

Of all the reactions he could have given, the last I expected was a hug. He laughed and ruffled my hair, happiness shining brightly in his amber eyes. The unexpected lapse into…well…my father as I remembered him a millennia ago as a child was almost enough to make me forget about the backstabbing, lying son of a bitch he was in the present.

Almost.

TBC…  
**----------------------------------------------------  
**A/N: OMFG! Two and a half freakin' months!!! _::dies::_ I about went insane while writing this chapter, but it's done… It's done and I can now rest in peace. _::sighs::_ It's about time, though, because I was getting to the point where I was getting ideas for the next chapter (which will be a Sora chapter) while I was working on this one, so yeah…

Sooo…I think it's safe to say that I just killed most of my previous plans for later in the story with his chapter. LoL. Okay…well maybe I didn't kill them, but I'm seriously going to have to do some rethinking and stuff. Oh, well. I guess it's a good thing because I really do need to think more about his SOB and plan it out some more…

Thank you for the millionth time to everyone who hung in with me during my…whatever you wanna call it. Lapse into depression/not being able to bear typing on my computer because the screen was (and still is) broken, I guess. You all are amazing and I don't deserve any of your wonderfulness…_::hugs::_…You all seriously kick my ass (and that's a good thing)…

I really hope you all were able to get some enjoyment out of this chapter. I know that the last segment is kind of quick, but I had to speed things up or else this was going to be twenty pages instead of eleven. I'm sorry if you feel that it wasn't worth the wait…_::crawls under a rock::_…

And now I must say adieu until next chapter…_::glomps::_…


	10. Chapter Six: Friends and Lovers

I'm so sorry that I haven't responded to anyone's reviews!!! _::cries::_ My computer's being a douche and won't let me get into through my e-mail to send out replies for some reason. _::sighs::_ Hopefully it will be better soon...

Anyway...back to Sora's POV now, which is a good thing. I was running out of stuff to write for Riku without having to dig into the stuff I want to save for later…

Enjoy!!…

WARNINGS: language…

**Disclaimer:** the characters and worlds of _Kingdom Hearts _belong to Square Enix and Disney…

"…_Tonight let's be lovers, say you will  
__And hear me call, soft-spoken whispering love  
__A thing or two I have to say here  
__Tonight let's go all the way then  
__Love I'll see you,  
__Just for this evening  
__Let's strip down, trip out at this  
__One evening starts with a kiss  
__And I'll wait here…"_

—"_Say Goodbye" Dave Matthews Band…_

**Chapter Seven:  
Friends and Lovers…**

I don't think I would ever understand how people could willingly say goodbye to those they cared about. Just thinking about having to leave Maho behind in less than a week made me ill. Every time I began throwing more random things into the knapsack I would be carrying when Roxas and I left, I had to resist the urge to vomit. I was terrified.

As far as I could tell, though, Maho wasn't too suspicious. It seemed that Roxas and I had managed to hide our preparations well. That, or she knew and didn't care. I was willing to bet my life that it was the first. Knowing Maho, she would flip out when she found out that we were going to leave, even though she had known that we were going to have to one day. Her overdramatic personality was the reason why we had decided not to tell her until the last possible minute. It would probably hurt her more in the long run, but the three of us would be saved from many headaches.

Sighing, I rolled over on my bed so I was staring at the ceiling, trying my hardest to lose myself in the popcorn designs that decorated it. We would be leaving soon. Only a few days from now.

A quiet knock on my door drew me out of my thoughts.

"Come in," I muttered, not even bothering to look and see who it was. The familiar aura was enough.

Silenced echoed throughout my room, filled only by Roxas' quiet footsteps as he made his way to me. Only when he sat on the edge of my bed did I turn to look at him. He frowned and reached out to cup my face in a hand.

"You're upset."

I shrugged. "It's nothing new."

"I hate that we have to do this as much as you do, you know?" I nodded and he sighed. "Good. I was afraid that you were going to blame me for everything."

I frowned and furrowed my brow. "Why would I blame you? Running is our only option unless we want to become puppets. I knew that months ago."

He smiled sadly and moved so he could lie down beside me, curled up on his side. An arm slipped across my waist and I gave into him without a fight. I didn't have the energy to argue or struggle. I wanted and needed the comfort of him there with me. I only hoped that I wouldn't be hurting both of us by giving in.

"Maho's going out tonight. They're having a party or something at her work."

I nodded. "Yeah, she told me this morning. Said she'd leave us money for pizza or something."

"Yeah."

Silence reigned over once again. It wasn't strained, but it wasn't quite comfortable either. It almost felt like we had run out of things to say. I always thought that it would be impossible for that to happen between the two of us.

I rolled over onto my side so I could stare at Roxas. He let his arm fall away from my waist and I grabbed his hand, twining our fingers together.

"We're the two most pathetic masochists I've ever seen," Roxas muttered as he stared at our entwined fingers, his thumb rubbing back and forth across the back of my hand.

I snorted and moved so I could snuggle closer to him. I buried my face into his chest and he sighed, resting his cheek on top of my head. Finally a comfortable silence fell among us. I couldn't keep the smile from my face. It was nice. Every time I was able to spend a close moment with Roxas, I was reminded that I wasn't alone. There was someone else out there who shared my pain and was willing to help me cope just as long as I was willing to help them as well.

"I wonder what Maho would think if she ever walked in on us curled up like this?" I whispered.

Roxas laughed. "Knowing her, she'd think it was cute."

"Yeah, probably."

He sighed. "What're we gonna do tonight? Well, besides pig out and watch TV?"

I shrugged. "Whatever we end up doing, I guess. I'd be perfectly fine just pigging out and watching TV. That a problem with you?"

"It's boring."

"Okay, then. How about we bust out some board games? We'll play Scrabble and Uno and have all sorts of fun."

Roxas laughed. "You didn't have to say it in such a nerdy voice, dork."

"I happen to enjoy playing Uno, thank you very much."

"Which is why you're a dork."

I aimed my best puppy dog pout at him. Getting no reaction, I went to the next extreme. Smiling devilishly, I used all of my body weight to roll us over the edge of the bed. Roxas yelped rather indignantly when his back made contact with the floor, shouting out again when I landed on top of him. I sat on his chest triumphantly, smiling at the angry glare he threw at me.

"Oh, come on. Don't tell me you didn't see that coming."

A quick jerk and our positions were changed before I even had time to shout. Now Roxas sat on top of me with a happy grin on his face, but I didn't copy his angry glare. I pouted because that was what I did best. His grin was positively evil when he moved his face a breadth away from mine.

"Oh, come on. Don't tell me you didn't see that coming."

Before I had a chance to argue with him, his mouth was over mine and we were kissing passionately. My arms instinctively wrapped themselves around his neck to keep him from moving away and a hand buried itself in the hair at the back of his head. His hands managed find their ways under my shirt and his tongue probed imploringly at my lips. I obliged with a sigh that turned into a long moan as Roxas dragged a hand torturously slow across my chest and down my stomach.

"You're a tease," I groaned when he pulled away to work gently against the flesh of my throat.

He shrugged and nipped at the skin just below my ear, causing yet another moan to rip out of my throat and my back to arch.

"Fu-fucker."

Roxas smiled and ran a deft finger down e Hmy stomach, stopping just above the waistline of my jeans. With a playful nip to my bottom lip, he pulled away and stood up from our tangled mess of limbs on the floor.

"We should probably get going. Maho will kill us if we don't go to school today."

At the sudden change in mood, I sent my most vicious glare at him, but he just shoved it aside with a smile that radiated smugness. I had to resist the urge to smack it off when I pushed myself up from the ground.

"You're an ass," I muttered as I shoved my way past him and out of my room.

"Yet you still love me," he replied in a sing-song voice, the sound taunting me with every step I took down the stairs.

I grumbled weakly as I walked into the kitchen, earning a rather confused glance from Maho. She cocked her head to the side and frowned as she took a long drink from her mug of coffee.

"G'Morning, Mr. Grumpy Pants. What has your panties in a twist this morning?"

I aimed my most vicious glare at her and focused my attention on the refrigerator and the food that awaited me inside.

"Oh, don't be serious, Sora," Maho laughed. "You could never scare anyone with your glares. That's Roxas' forte."

I pulled the jug of orange juice from the fridge and slammed it on the counter. "Oh, yeah well… Witty comebacks elude me so…" I stuck my tongue out at her and continued on with my day, trying my hardest to ignore her laughter.

Unfortunately, the laughter continued as I poured myself a glass of orange juice and dug a Pop Tart out of the pantry. It continued as I plopped into a chair at the table and began to eat. It continued as Roxas came wandering into the kitchen with a curious frown on his face.

"What's so funny?"

"Sora and his lame comebacks," Maho gasped, wiping the tears from her face with the back of a hand.

"Seriously?" Roxas looked at me with a furrowed brow and I shrugged. "His lame comeback constituted laughing for ten minutes straight?" Maho nodded, and Roxas sighed. "Sora's comebacks are _always_ lame, Maho. You should be used to them by now."

"Shut it, Roxas," I growled. My patience with him was growing dangerously thin after what had happened upstairs.

He frowned and cocked his head to the side, looking like he was about to say something, but I spoke up before he had the chance. I really didn't want to listen to what he had to say at the moment.

"Come on. We'll be late for school if we don't get going."

His nod surprised me. If anything, I had expected an argument from him. Instead, he finished up the glass of orange juice he had poured himself and gave Maho a quick hug before joining me out in the foyer. We slipped into our shoes and jackets in silence and slung our backpacks over our shoulders, me just a bit more violently than him.

Without waiting for Roxas to say goodbye to Maho, I flung the door open and made my way outside. The bitter wind stung my face and only helped to make my mood even worse. It was the beginning of March for the gods sakes. Why was it still cold?

"Your attitude is quite the turn-off."

I frowned and shrugged, but continued to ignore Roxas' presence at my side to the best of my abilities. He sighed in response to my attitude and punched me on the arm.

"Oh, come on, So. You can't be pissy. It's not in your nature."

"I think I can make an exception when someone messes with my head."

"Messes with your head? What the fuck? When did I do that?"

I turned around and glared at him viciously. "You don't call making out with me on the bedroom floor and then just leaving fucking with my head?" I laughed coldly. "Ri-ight, Roxas. Nice."

"You can't be serious."

"I've never been more serious."

He sighed and ran a hand back through his hair. "You are so gods damned frustrating sometimes."

"Explain these…these feelings to me and maybe I won't be so frustrating. Gods, Roxas. I don't even understand what's going on. You're my best friend. I shouldn't feel anything more for you than that, but I do and it's driving me insane because I know I love Riku more than anything. I feel like I'm cheating on him in some way by being with you like we were this morning, but I can't stop myself." I glared at him. "Now you try and tell me that I don't have a reason to be pissed off and frustrated."

"It's the bond."

"E-excuse me?"

"It's the bond that's making us feel like this," he said with a sigh. "The Twin Soul bond. Futago. We shared the same soul in the past. Now we…" He sighed again and shook his head. "Nevermind."

"We what? Feel like we need to be together because we're our own separate people now?"

"It doesn't matter how hard we try, we will never feel whole because we are our own separate people now."

I snorted and turned around, walking away from him. "Because that makes all the sense in the world."

He reached out and grabbed my wrist firmly so he could pull me back to him. "Jesus Christ, Sora. Won't you take a second and just listen to me, dammit? Is it really so hard?"

"Yes, Roxas, it is because all you ever do is talk to me in riddles. You never tell me anything straightforward."

"It's not like I don't try. You just don't know how to listen."

I narrowed my eyes and prepared to make a clever retort, but he cut me short by covering my mouth with his own. I shouted and beat at his chest in an attempt to push him away, but he held my face tightly with his hands and wouldn't let go. It didn't take long for the tears to come and then I was returning the kiss slowly. I couldn't help it.

"Why do we keep fucking doing this to ourselves?" Roxas breathed when he pulled away, my face still held between his hands.

"I don't know," I whispered and closed the gap between us again.

Even with all of the pain that was sure to come with whatever Roxas and I had going on, it was hard to pull away. I felt whole when I was with Riku and I felt whole when I was with Roxas. There was no way to describe how it felt except for torture. Riku was the one I was in love with and yet I couldn't keep myself from taking everything Roxas offered to me. I knew that it was cruel, but I didn't how to make it stop.

As it was, Maho would surely kill us when she found out we were late to school.

**o-o-o-o-o**

Maho wasn't home when we got back from school, but there was a note warning us not to damage anything too badly and twenty dollars for whatever we wanted for dinner. Downy was curled up on kitchen window sill, his favorite place in the afternoon because of the sunshine. He meowed in annoyance when Roxas picked him up.

"You better keep Maho happy while we're gone, you little shit," Roxas muttered as he scratched the cat behind the ears, receiving a few purrs of forgiveness in response. "You're gonna be the only one here for her."

I grabbed two Cokes from the fridge and plopped down onto a stool. "I wish there was some way that we could keep in touch with her."

Roxas sighed and put Downy back onto the window sill so he could join me at the table. "I know, but if we have any ties with her after we run they'll find out and I don't wanna know what they'll do to her." He shivered. "They'll do anything to find out where we've gone to."

My eyes widened briefly. I don't know why I had never thought of that before. Maybe it was because Maho was "human" and I didn't think that Ansem or Xemnas would bother with her. Whatever my reason had been, it was stupid. She should have been one of the first people I had thought of when it came to protecting those close to me from the hands of Akari or Kurai.

"Yeah, we can't let anything happen to her."

Roxas smiled sadly and downed the rest of the soft drink he held in his hands. There was something odd in the way that he was acting. It wasn't blatantly obvious, and I doubted that anyone outside of myself and maybe Maho wouldn't have picked up on it. I frowned and cocked my head to the side, resting a hand atop the one he had resting on the counter. He jumped and turned to look at me. His eyes were dead.

"Oh, Roxas. What's wrong?"

He shook his head and smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes. They stayed as dead as they had been before. No glimmer, no happiness. Just numbness. I knew that feeling. I knew those eyes. They were the same ones I used to stare at in the mirror for hours. Just the thought of it made a shiver ripple through my body.

"It's nothing that won't go away in a bit," he muttered, "so don't worry so much."

"We've already established that we're going to worry about each other whether the other likes it or not, so don't even try to tell me not to 'worry so much.' I have every right to worry about you. Things are stressful. We had a difficult morning and we're going to be leaving the day after tomorrow. I don't want you to feel like you're going to be alone. I'll be with you the entire time. Remember that."

He nodded, but none of the life returned to his eyes. My frown grew and I reached out so I could hold the side of his face in my hand. Tears invaded my eyes when he flinched away and I dropped my hand back down to my side.

"Talk to me, please."

He smiled sadly and turned his face away from me so he could stare out the window. I waited patiently for him to say something, but nothing came. My hands balled into fists at my sides as the tears started to make their ways down my face. Dammit! This wasn't the way things were supposed to be.

Without a word, I pushed myself up from the stool and left the kitchen. I didn't look back to see if Roxas was following me, or if he had even acknowledged the fact that I had left him. I didn't want to know. There was no way that I would be able to take it if he had barely even flinched, not at least turned his eyes in my direction upon my departure. It would break my heart.

I didn't let the sobs gathering in the back of my throat free until I was closed away in my bedroom, my face buried in a pillow to muffle the cries. I doubted that Roxas would come running if he heard my sobs, but it was a force of habit. Mom beat me when I was younger for crying and keeping her awake at night, so I had been forced to learn the art of crying quietly.

I lay on my bed for what felt like hours before a soft knock sounded at my door. I sighed and let my eyes slip open, taking the time to focus on the The Used poster on the back of my door before I dared to open my mouth.

"Yeah?"

The door opened slowly. I let out a breath I hadn't known I'd been holding when Maho's brown hair and green eyes peeked around the door jamb.

"You were expecting someone else?" she asked, taking a step into the room and closing the door behind her.

"Yeah. I thought you might be Roxas."

She frowned and made her way across the room so she could sit on the edge of my bed. "What's going on between the two of you? You've been acting strange lately."

I laughed quietly in frustration and shook my head. "It's complicated."

"It has something to do with that other place, doesn't it? That place you all say you have to leave me for."

"Something like that."

Her frown grew and she furrowed her brow. "You're not going to explain it to me, are you?"

I shook my head. "I'm sorry. I have a feeling that there's a thin line between what's safe for us to let you know and what might throw you into this as well. We're going to try our damnedest to keep you out of it."

"You boys will never cease to drive me crazy," Maho muttered, shifting around so her legs were stretched on the bed and her back was against the headboard, letting me rest my head on her lap.

I sighed as she started to run her hands through my hair gently. "Yeah, we seem to do that to everyone who comes in contact with us. We're cursed."

"I disagree. I say that it means that you're loved by everyone you come in contact with. You're infectious like that. Your personalities are like a nasty virus. You can try everything you can to hate you, but once you have the infection it doesn't matter. Someone will love you even if they hate you."

I snorted. _'If only everyone over in Akari and Kurai thought along those lines,'_ I thought, but said, "You're too optimistic."

"You used to be once upon a time, if I recall correctly. What happened to the little boy who used to smile brightly when he got an F on a homework assignment, saying that it was just another way for you to learn a lesson? What happened to the person who wore a smile on his face for everyone when he was really dieing inside?" I could hear the tears gathering in her voice. "You're falling apart. Both of you are. I can tell, and it kills me to know that there's nothing I can do about it."

"We'll be out of your hair soon enough," I whispered.

"What if I don't want you out of my hair?!" she shouted.

Hearing such a broken sound come from Maho startled me. I had to open my eyes and sit up so I could look at her face. What I saw did nothing to comfort me. Tears were flowing in a constant stream down her cheeks, smearing her mascara and making her green eyes sparkle inhumanly. Roxas and I weren't the only ones who were falling apart.

"We would stay if we knew we could protect you and that there was no way for us to be caught. As it is, they know where we are and they're not afraid to kill anyone who gets in their way. They'll hurt you, Maho. They'll use you against us."

"I don't care! I can't stand the fact that you two are going to be out on your own, especially after everything that happened on Halloween. You tried to kill yourself, Sora! Or have you forgotten that?"

My eyes widened and I looked away from her. My hands instinctively went to the scars that marred my wrists. "No, I haven't forgotten," I whispered.

"Then how can you believe for even a moment that I'll be okay with just letting the two of you go?"

"We don't believe that you'll be okay. We know that it's going to hurt you as much as or more than it's going to hurt us, but we can't let it stop us. We can't stall. We have to take action now while they're giving us the chance. Any delay could cost us more than our lives."

"God…." She sighed and closed her eyes, burying her face in her hands so she could continue weeping.

It broke my heart to have to see her like that. I reached out and tried to comfort her to the best of my abilities. A small hug. Running my fingers through her hair. Nothing seemed to work. I was grasping at straws when she finally lifted her head from her hands and wiped her cheeks. The black streaks left behind by her mascara would have been comical at any other time.

"Just promise me that you won't leave without saying goodbye first."

"Maho…"

"Dammit! Just do it for my peace of mind."

I sighed and closed my eyes. I couldn't bear to lie to her, but I didn't want her to suffer any longer either. As it was, Roxas and I really hadn't decided whether we were going to leave when she was home or not. Would I really be lying to her if I said okay now, but we ended up leaving without saying goodbye later? I tried to convince myself that I wouldn't be.

"I promise." The words left my mouth in a bare whisper.

Maho smiled sadly and cupped the side of my face in a hand. She pulled me forward and kissed me gently between the eyes before she moved to get up.

"If I get home after the party and you two are gone, there's going to be hell to pay."

I laughed quietly and watched her leave the room, settling back down into my bed once the door clicked closed behind her. Gods, things were so fucked up. At least it was nice to know that my life still had some sense of normalcy left.

The overload of emotions from what had passed throughout the day drained me. I was asleep before I even closed my eyes.

**o-o-o-o-o**

Another body was curled in the bed beside me when I woke up. I sighed and stared at the checkered sweatband that donned the wrist that was connected to the arm draped across my waist.

Roxas.

I sighed again. His games were really starting to get on my nerves.

"Please don't hit me."

"How did you know I was awake?"

The arm across my waist shifted and I rolled onto my back so I could look at Roxas' face. He had a sheepish look in his eyes and the blush across his cheeks was almost too out of place for him.

"You don't really sigh so heavily while you're sleeping. Only when you've just woken up or something's bothering you while you're awake."

"Why are you in my room?"

He was silent for a moment and I watched as the sheepish expression turned into one of sadness. "I didn't want to be alone."

"You wouldn't have been alone if you had just talked to me instead of shoving me off like you do every other time."

Roxas flinched, and in some dark part of my mind, the gesture gave me satisfaction. In the lighter part of my mind, I knew that it was wrong. I had just hit below the belt. But it was too late. The words were out in the open and there was no way to take them back.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"I know."

Silence filled the room once again, only slightly less tense than it had been before. I was still mad at him. Nothing could take away the frustration and anger that he had made me feel for the greater part of the day. I would get over it, yes—shove it aside—but it would always linger in that darker part of my mind.

"Did Maho talk to you too?" I nodded. "She worries about us too much."

I sighed and closed my eyes. "It's nice to know that there's someone out there who does worry about us."

Roxas echoed my sigh. "Yeah, it is."

Then silence…again. It was obvious that he wasn't going to say anything about what had happened earlier. It was kind of hurtful. He at least owed me an apology of some kind, even if it was a half-hearted one. But I couldn't bring myself to put the topic out there either. I had already hurt him once, and as much as something in me wanted to do it again, I wouldn't let myself do it.

My eyes snapped open when I felt a mouth cover mine. I stared into the brilliant blue eyes in front of me for a bare second before my eyes slipped closed again and my arms wrapped around Roxas' neck. I surrendered to the feeling of being dominated.

When all of this was over, I was going to Hell. I was sure of it. At least I knew of three other people who would be there with me. We could have a party.

But then Roxas pulled away from my mouth and started to work at my neck, and my mind panicked. The hands that had been buried in his hair moved to his shoulders to attempt to push him away, but he rolled so he was lying on top of me and there was no way that I was going to get him to move. I wiggled and writhed, bucked my hips, tried anything to get him off of me, but nothing worked.

"St-stop, Roxassss!" I hissed.

He chuckled low in his throat and licked the hollow my throat. A shiver rippled through my body.

"I found one of your spots," he whispered.

"Roxas, please!" I cried, tears beginning to gather in the corners of my eyes. I wasn't going to lie and say that I didn't want it, but I couldn't let it happen. I just couldn't. I would be betraying more than myself if I let it.

Thankfully he stopped, but the empty look in his eyes when he pulled away so he could look at me broke my heart.

"Sora, please. Don't deny me this. Not now."

The tears that had been gathering in my eyes broke through their dam. The salty rivers rolled down my face and I had to close my eyes.

I didn't know what to do. Give in and let him have what he wanted, or turn him down. Would I regret it if I gave in? Most likely yes, at least sometime in the future I would. Would it be fair? In some twisted way, it could be. Did it mean that it was right? I had no fucking clue. Was I willing to find out? I wasn't sure, and all the questions were making me even more nervous than I had been before.

My lack of argument seemed to fuel Roxas' advancements. He slid his hands under my shirt, his palms gliding across the planes of my stomach and up to brush across my chest. I gasped when his fingers brushed across a nipple, squeezing my eyes closed at the pleasure and guilt that came with the touch.

This was wrong, but something within me refused to let me tell him no. Something within me wanted this. A notion began to take form in my head that I would be complete if I let him have his way this once. I would be even more complete than when I had been with Riku, than when I had woken up with my memories. I would be whole.

It was an offer I couldn't refuse.

"_Riku… Forgive me."_

The heartfelt apology sealed my fate and I let the waves of sin pull me into their dark depths. Things were about to get even more complicated than they already were. Wonderful. But there was nothing I could do to stop it.

TBC…  
**--------------------------------------------------------  
**A/N: _::sighs::_ I'm actually pretty happy with this chapter. It's complicated, full of angst, with some funny parts and some sexiness. Geez…I just can't give the poor boys a break, can I?…Bleh…I just hope that you all don't hate this or me for writing it. It's not something I just threw in. I had actually been planning on it for a while, but it just managed to fit in sooner than I had intended…

GIANORMOUS thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter. I know that it was a pain in the ass because of the stupid review system, but I'm thankful to everyone who took the time to send a review, or a PM if the site said that they couldn't review. It really means a lot to me…_::hugs::_…And, once again, I'm am SUPER sorry for having not responded to everyone's reviews. I got and read every single one and kept them all at heart, but my computer's being retarded. I hope it'll be better so I can send out replies for this chapter...

Welps...I guess that's it. Until next chapter, adieu…


	11. excuses, excuses

Once again, I know I'm not supposed to do this, but I feel like I owe you all some sort of explanation for what's taken so damned long for me to get anything new posted up...

1) My mental and physical health have not been at their greatest lately. Whenever I'm feeling well physically, my mental health is in the shits, and vice versa. As of now...I have bronchitis and my mind is rather shot so I'm dealing with them both right now. It all started, however, with the return of my depression (even worse than before). It got to be so bad that I almost competely relapsed. Thankfully, my boss intervened before that could happen, though...

2) I've been concentrating on my novel. I have plans to start sending things out to agents this summer so I really need to get my ass in gear...

3) I have absolutely no inspiration for "Understanding" at the moment. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean that I'm going to stop writing it. I just have nothing at the moment and I don't want to force myself. That, and I was almost done with a Sora chapter when I realized that it was time foran ((AS, AS)) installment and had to start over again. So yeah...

Anyway...I just wanted to let you guys know something so you're not in the dark. Umm...I do have a writing journal up that I made so I could give you guys updates instead of having to write these note things. It's the "homepage" link at the top of my profile. OH! And if you want to send me a response to this, please DON'T send a review!! Remember last time if you send a review to my note it wouldn't let you review the chapter once I posted it. I just wanted to remind you. I would love to hear from some of you, though...

_::hugs::  
_Kolie


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